These are suggestions.

Confront them on a personal basis and ask that it cease and desist immediately.

Go to some long time people in the program and ask them to speak to them. If all this fails talk about it in the meeting describing exactly what is happening making it very clear who it is without mentioning names,

Try to remember some are sicker than others.

Most of all pray for them every day asking for your god's will in their life do this for at least 30 days. I know it sucks but it works,

Thank you for this. I'm going to try all of these suggestions starting first with prayer tonight. I appreciate it, Reed.

Dont date people in AA they are really , really sick in the head.
its bad place to meet friends and potential partners, try a dating ageny your less likely to meet a mass murderer there.

As for the other stuff its hard to say from your post whats happening but try talking to people outside of AA about it , see if they think its helpful or hindering.

Life is tooooo short, this is why I refuse to go to AA......sorry this is not meant to be a bashing response, but what the hell? Pray for them my ass! Pray for you and your recovery.........Oh my Lord find somewhere else to heal, this sounds like a soap opera......As the World turns during recovery........hell nah! You have FAR more to deal with then this nonsense......find an alternative, I can't even come up with a good one other then church and finding NA friends....what you describe would drive me to drink, its rediculous and pointless.....nobody needs that shiz...
Shelly

This is just my opinion and I do not wish to appear argumentative or like I am trying to pick a fight. I'm simply sharing my experience and observations.
Alice it seems as if you have had some type of bad experience and if that is so I'm sorry that has happened, but I must take exception with some of what you say.
If one is attempting to live a sober life AA is the best place to make friends. No where else on earth have I found people that will be there for me no matter what no matter when. Have I been let down certainly people in AA are no different than people everywhere else.
due to the friendships I have established I can pick up my phone any time 24/7 and have a dozen people offering to do whatever I need. those types of people are what I call true friends.
As for dating most of what you say may be true, however if both parties have been sober for a substantial amount of time are completely ok with being alone, don't need someone to complete them, have each worked the steps, are stable mentally, emotionally and in their sobriety good relationships can be formed. This is especially true if they have been in the same AA circle for a substantial amount of time and have seen each other with their hair down when times are tough.
Dating is not a good idea for newcomers those who still are fighting the battle with the first drink those who have not worked the steps thoroughly and filled the big black hole inside.
As for dating sights and agencies they are filled with liars, cheaters, sex maniacs, users, thieves, drunks, addicts and every other problem that makes for a bad partner. Rarely are people as truthful as the people in AA who work an honest program.
By the way this is just a guess, but a person who is sober and has worked the steps is probably less likely to be a mass murderer than the average guy walking down the street.
I know many extremely happy couples who met and married in AA and after years are still involved in the program and sober. I'm also aware of many many failures but no more so than the general population.
Once again I'm sorry for whatever experience you had that led you to respond this way, but I must defend my friends and hundreds of thousands of people like them.

Hi dhg, it's pretty hard to make comment without knowing you or the people involved, but I do agree with Reed. I'll just add that if someone wants to gossip about me, I say 'go ahead, knock yourselves out'. Your energy is better spent on staying sober, your actions will speak for themself. Keep moving forward. As for your sponsor? Could her meddling be misinterpreted for caring? Are you being completely honest with her and yourself? Have you let her know how you feel? Just a couple of questions to look at. You may need to find another sponsor you do feel comfortable enough to work with.

And the scorned lover, you can't change what's happened, just accept it and move forward. All you can do is ask him to leave you alone, if he persists, speak to a trusted member of the group who might have a quiet word to him. I too would like to add that the people in AA are some of the most honest, trusting, beautiful people I know. There are some wonderful love stories, but both members had been sober and established their independence well before getting involved. There's a few reasons they suggest not to get involved, and one is so you can put the focus on your healing first. Best Wishes. Coogee xxx

I am going to go out on a limb here dark hair-but I have found that when I am acting a bit dramatic and spiteful I tend to attract, and see in people the same kind of behavior.

For instance-I moved to the suburbs and felt like the women here where really narrow and boring. I felt like it was highschool but way more snotty blondes (live in conservative Utah). Now, I went out and tried to make friends-and these chicks seemed so annoying to me. I am better off alone!

I had a gradual light switch go off about a year ago-could this yuckiness be me? I mean, could I be the creating some of this negative crap? How could this be? These women, this area-they ARE awful, right?

Hmmmmm, well, yes and no. I may very well live on a street full of snotty ladies, but I will not see this today and encourage good behavior in myself and expect nothing less of them. If that does not occur, I will not address it and simply go about my business at hand.

You know what? I am actually seeing people differently and they respond differently as a result. This may not be the best fit of a place for me to live, as I am a bit of a free thinker and never really felt comfortable in the confines of the burbs-but I am not blaming anyone for this. As a result, people don't seem so bad anymore, and they act a bit better. People who are filled with drama and nonsense I see are a bit redirected when I have this attitude.

Make sense?.

I am with Reed

You are going to meet the same spread of faults in people in any group. organization or church.

I withdrew from all of those because of the stress. In AA at least many ARE truely striving to do better

I always try to talk with the person privately in a non-confrontational spirit....otherwise it rots inside of me

KK, I'm not being dramatic in my homegroup. The guy I went out on a date with went to my sponsor because he was "concerned" about me, although he didn't come to me with his concerns. She in turn, divulged things I had said to her (he's on my 4th now) and he went to the troublemaker and perpetuated the problem. This is the second major blowout with the troublemaker and my sponsor. If you are trying to get me to see my part, I absolutely do. But if you're negating the validity of what I'm telling you...and possibly drawing conclusions about my personality...I'm afraid you're getting colder. A drama queen would be running back into the rooms for more. This has scared me out. And I mean only to respond to clear up misunderstandings NOT to come across upset with you in any way. The biggest reason this has affected me so much is because I have had a big "dramatic" event last week when this happened. My sister is bipolar and tried to take her life. These self-centered alcoholics knew what I've been going through and instead of lending support pulled this crap. My own sponsor! I can understand the bozo's, but my sponsor? Really? There could be something I did to attract this to myself? Somebody please explain it to me because at this point the only mistake I see is my poor judgment of character and sharing way too much of myself with heartless people.

And disclosing about my sister is only meant to shed further light on the situation. She's fine and everything is fine so please, I'm not looking for sympathy. What's related to this site and this topic is that I did drink over it. That's the only part that relevant to talk about here. I appreciate being able to come here and dump my shit and value all of the feedback you all give me.

First off remember, most of the drama in our lives is brought on ourselves - it's a hard thing to admit but it is. The drama with the Norman bates person could've been avoided if you didn't go out on a date with someone in your group - sorta like dating a someone in your homeroom class in highschool - you should've made a wiser choice - now you if he's truly a DANGER - then go to the police, if he's just being a hemorroid then put a preparation H on it and call it good and remember this consequence the next time you want to date someone in your AA group.

As far as the sponsor, if you guys dont' seem to be on the same page - the find another, she's not the only one - but she's the only one if you allow her to be the only one.

If you are concerned about people spreading lies int he rooms, then you need to watch who you talk to and what you say to somebody - if the person continues to spread the lies, then all you can do is dispute the lies not with battle back behavior, but by DOING THE NEXT RIGHT THING and that is acting proper in your own behavior, all the groupies here will figure out who and where the lies are coming from.

i am truly not being mean or rude in my response to you, i've read several of your responses and you either a very angry person or a very selfish person - in the fact that even if you choose to stop using, life doesn't become a bowl of cherries - it takes work - maybe I am reading into what you are writing int he wrong way - but i very seldom see any light at the end of your tunnel, it's so much complaining about everything. Just remember AA isn't a dating club and NOT EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE A SPONSOR - and you say this is sponsor #4? If i read that incorrectly than I apologize, but if I read that correctly - is it the sponsors that have the problems?

i do wish that you find peace in yoru daily life, get truly healthy help from your AA group, pick adn choose your date more wisely, not sure on the sponsor thing, if what you say is true, i think she over stepped her boundaries by even talking with this guy about you.

But most of all - I'd grab a mirror -

Peace, hugs, love and blessings to you =

YES I APOLOGIZE NOW FOR BEING SO HARD CORE AND I WILL BITE MY TONGUE IN THE FUTURE - I AM HUMAN, I DO ERR AND SOMETIMES SAY THINGS I SHOULDN'T BUT THESE ARE AND YOU LONG TIMERS HERE NOW I HAVE ISSUES WITH COMPLAINERS.

Peace everyone - (got my gear on let the shoe tossing begin)

You know it is my experience that people will just be people reguardless of their group, church, club...ect. Trouble is some days I just SUCK at reeling in my feelings & not acting on them. I hear ya girl. Somedays it's like throwing up your hands and saying WTF. People gossip, AA or not. People do character asassination from all walks of life . The neighbor, the co-worker...ect. It is not a market cornered by the alcoholic. Yep, it sounds like it has been a real crapy few last days for you. I would fire my sponser & find another. Then I would work on being "myself" in my own skin and not caring what anyone else says , thinks, feels , or dose. This I would do because I don't want to end up drunk over other peoples "poo". And if I had a stalker (Norman Bates) , I would call the cops on him if he followed me home or called my house and left any message that was werid on my machine. I would also walk right up to him at a meeting and tell him...whatever vibe you think I'm sending...I'm NOT, and your freaking me out with your unwanted behavior. STOP IT. I too have been betrayed by a sponser. She told her husband , who told his sponser, who told his wife, the wife told her sponser...ect...you get the picture. Pick someone to work the steps with , then talk about your steps with a pastor, preist, doctor, you don't have to "belong" to a church to talk to someone about the secrets that may be holding you back from a happy, healthy life. Hell , go pick a stranger. The point is, I get it, you don't feel safe, you feel betrayed, and you are uncomfortable. Get proactive girlfriend, no one can sober you up but you. Do not waste another moment with people, places, and crap, that will not help you acheive your goals. You are in charge of your recovery. Take charge, set up boundries. There is no wrong way to acheive happiness & a sober life. You can do it. I wish you all the best---sunny

BTW - I want to send my prayers to you and your sister. My mother was successful with her attempts at suicide, so I know how difficult the situation is.

Peace

I was and am still in the same situation as yourself... although i went back out for 4 months because i was so scared of what others thought of me and all my wrongs... the sponsor i had then is also sponsoring one of my sisters in another 12 step program so you can pretty much take it from there... she no longer is my sponsor lol... anyway as for the man in the meeting i go to.... well he is quite the person... he will stare at me while he shares on some of the readings saying how fucked up one of us is in the room... like hello as if its not at me, and many in the rooms know this... however, i went back and at a month sober again today... i go to the meetings now because in my heart I know i made an attempt to make an amends for my behavor... he wouldb't accept it... that is solely his choice... I \still am being bashed tho.... main thing for me now is to stay sober, sit in the seat thats in the room... because know one is going to get me sober and keep me sober but me and my choices.... I chose not to hang out with him or his friends..... as for the sponsor lady i had ... i had to also see my side in that one as well... she was to take me through the steps, i in the beginning used her as my councilor she was conserned for my well being therefore shared with my sister and some others ... sure what she did was so wrong but like yourself and everyone else we are human and the ppl i know today and talk with are all alcholics and just because we are in aa does not give us the holy then now additudes of trust me i am aa... after all a sponsor also has a sponsor and my understanding is if my sponsor has a hard time helping me with a step by all means get guidence from your sponsor.... we help each other right? therefore we stay sober... my old sponsor and i are friends but thats all..... i have a new one today and doing things differently and still doing the steps and sober for a month now....

Dark hair- I did not mean to imply you are creating drama neccesarily. But I think at some level you are allowing it and/or attracting it.

In essence, we all create our own reality.

Consciously you are not setting out to create this. I do believe you when you say it is happening around you and you do not like it. But look at your reaction in the future. Are you working to perpetuate it, avoid it, extinguish it, ignore it?

You may be unconciously drawn to drama and not even be aware of it.

Again-I am not blaming you, but just asking you to look at what you can do to change things. In a way, figuring that part out can be very empowering.