The best way for me to get out of self is to help another.

I remember being in my first year. I was just feeling blah that day. My sponsor had even come by and I still felt blah. Suddenly, my neighbor's trash can began blowing down the street. Without thinking about it, I jumped up and chased it down and brought it back to my neighbor's yard, anchoring it.

I returned to my home, wondering "now what was it I was feeling blah about?".

anne, when I'm thinking of what I can do for you, I don't have the time to think of me.

Yep, once we start to see it, it's hard not to eh? And these things start to become pretty objectionable too :o)

Relax and take it easy I'd say, this is just the beginning of a life-long struggle, that's what they mean when they say this becomes a way of life. Continue to work ALL of this solution, plus meditation, bit of service, learning to laugh at ourselves and learning to love others (hard to TRULY love others and be selfish at the same time I think)

Good luck!

P

First thing is you are doing good! The fact that you are becoming able to step outside yourself and see your character defects trying to gain the upper hand and the situations where they come into play is actually something you should be pleased about :0)

This awareness, a result of your work in Steps 4 -9 will be something that you come to rely on to steer a smoother course in life and you can hone it in Steps 10 and 11 as you move forward in your spiritual life, this requires a certain self-discipline to carry on practising with the tools you have been given, as well as a reliance on your Higher Power.

I felt frustrated when I first started to see these things too, felt I was not doing so well but now I understand this different way of seeing things is of great assistance to me to grow, that as long as I am making progress all will be well.

Progress not perfection is what we seek. That's why I will always want to have a sponsor, sober friends and meetings to be there in my journey, no matter how many years I have off the pop.

As gr8ful2b says helping others is the best way to get out of self and I like what Paul said too, especially about learning to laugh and laugh at ourselves, sobriety has to have some fun in it or it wouldn't be worthwhile!

Hello anned22,

You have done well with the Steps but what you have been doing up until now is mostly learning. After Step 9 it is about putting what you have learned into practice and that is a gradual process.

The fact that you have been noticing things about yourself that you would like to change is a sign that you have learned well. It looks like you have a good sponsor too who wasnt afraid to point out your mistakes. Now you are getting to the greatest part of the programme, where you will get out in proportion to what you are prepared to put in.

The reason for your present hiccup is that you have not yet done Step 10. Pay particular attention to this Step because along with 11 and 12, it tells you exactly how to put what you have learned into practice. Step 10 is made up of bits of Steps 3 to 9 and what it suggests is that you use those Steps in your own head to deal with situations that arise during the day. The things you have described would be an example. Learning new ways of thinking and putting what you have learned into practice takes time and what I have found is that the quickest way to get better at it is to learn from mistakes, which is what you are doing now.

Unfortunately, some people do the Steps and dont get the full benefits and I believe that it is because they fail to put what they have learned into practice through Steps 10, 11 and 12. By practicing these principles in ALL of your affairs, you may sometimes catch a glimpse of the 4th dimension of life.

I'm with what everyone has said so far - we get to a point of awareness, like you had, and we start to see things in ourselves that we were blind to before. Selfishness, fear, self-seeking, dishonesty, anger...all these kind of things were part and part and parcel of our being and now they start be leave a bad taste in our mouths. Recognizing them is one thing, but now dealing with them is another. As mentioned, steps 10-12 come into play, the growth steps. These are what help me - step 10 I get to check myself whenever something comes up for me, turn it over, make amend if needed, turn my thoughts to someone else. Step 11 I pause when needed and ask for guidance...I meditate and continue to grow in my conscious contact with my HP. Step 12, I carry the message to other alcoholics (work with them, etc) and practice the principles I have learned in all my affairs (work, personal life, etc).

But working with others is probably the best thing for me.

The other day I was in a FUNK. I couldn't shake it. Even going to a meeting didn't do much for me (at that moment, at least - later on I did see a few things that really shifted things for me). I was just *blah* and was down and creeping into self pity and isolating. Lo and behold, my phone rings and it's one of my sponsees. He tells me that he's be feeling down and isolating. My HP has a sense of humor, I see. So of course as I talk to him about what is going on with him, I start to get relief. I remind myself about what it is I need to do, how to get out of things, how to get out of my head. So I told him to go to the treatment center that he used to go to and to talk to one of the guys there and see what he can do to add to their day, not his. Like I was trying to do for him. And it worked. It works, it really does :)

So hang in there - these days come up, things will escape us. We're not saints. Glad you posted about it!

First thing is you are doing good! The fact that you are becoming able to step outside yourself and see your character defects trying to gain the upper hand and the situations where they come into play is actually something you should be pleased about :0)

I fully agree. You can't ask HP to remove your character defects if you can't identify them when they crop up. The fact that you can now see them in action is huge growth. Increased self awareness. I had a sponsor tell me once "God cannot heal what I do not reveal." I have learned to identify my character defects so I can reveal them to God so He can heal them.

I found that at this time in my awareness to how I operate ,it was real easy to categorize anything I did as a negative. When in reality I was really just finding out how persistent and annoying it is at times to react in a fashion that still felt a familiar response.

The Big Book always says next , anything that kept me moving forward even if a set back felt "again" negative .The Books ideas are based on a process and are never limited to anything but acquiring new ways of understanding myself , as I apply a spiritual approach I decide to pursue . The tenth , 11th and twelfth steps only require becoming open to how I can relate to myself and others in a more healthy way ,through being in the now with a sense of awareness.

I found the key was broadening my horizons in meditation, some therapy work and "again" being open to myself in a gentle way.

I'm still a student and looking at things with a "beginners mind" much better than pretending I know after only a short time pursuing these ideas as a way of life. Nuff said :)))

Billy

Hi anned22, I don't have any advice but I just want to say contratz on a year. Also, thanks to you and to all the response posters for giving me yet more insight into this problem and its solutions.

Congrats on your sobriety.
I think it's huge progress to be self aware. Not many people in general really are, let alone alcoholics. I know I couldn't be drinking, and slowly but surely more is being revealed. Sounds like you are doing great.
Keep looking for ways to help others, do the step work, and sharing:-)