Ashley -
Tis good that you stuck with it and overcame the lapse. I notice you said that you are shy and starting to overcome that somewhat. I'd look to the Promises (page 83 and 84 of the big book). As you grow in recovery, so will your abilities to overcome fears and work through things that you could never do before.
It's taken more than just a few years but finally today I can say I have solid friends, both in and out of the program. Common interests, hobbies and just enjoying the company. This is one of those times that a bit of patience with yourself is needed.

Hugs,
Dennis

I am with you on much of this Ashley...I am two years, and I still am very much a person who enjoys a lot of alone time. I have the wife and kids, and that keeps me out and about I suppose, but I am an admitted homebody, and can't really say I have hobbies. Recovery plays a big part of my days, and between being on boards, going to meetings, my blog, other blogs and recovery sites, spiritual reading, sponsees, etc. I don't have anything else going on. Certainly an imbalance, but I never really had hobbies to begin with, so I can't say I "rediscovered" my love for ______. I am not much help here, am I? Ha ha...but I identify with what you say, and am also along the lines of having a hard time making new friends outside the program. It's part of my introversion, and probably part fear.

Who knows.

But it's better than being drunk and dying.

More seasoned and balanced folks will chime in no doubt. I will watch with bated breath :)

You might want to look for places to volunteer and connect with people that way. I am involved in a couple groups like that. Also if you like working out, you might look into classes such as Zumba or kickboxing -- another way to meet people. If you are involved with a church that is another way to get to know people and join in activities with others you might enjoy.

If you are in a social situation and you don't make friends right away, it's okay. Even if you are shy, smile and say hi -- people sometimes misread shyness as aloofness. But don't put pressure on yourself -- just keep putting yourself out there, you'll meet people.

I made some friends volunteering at the SPCA...we don't meet much outside of the place, but we all stay and have a meal together...and just talk...about anything. It isn't like lifelong besties, but I really look forward to it. Today I went to one of their homes and they had some kind of home party. I met a couple of other people there.
That, and walking my dogs have been the way I met most people since we moved here. At my old house, I would say Church...but my kids were younger then, and we were a bit more regular attending.

Here is where I have found many groups that I enjoy...whether it be fun nights out, or walking. Just put your area in and off you go. Sure you have to be brave and have a 'first' yet I have found all groups so welcoming. You can do it around study too (yes, the dreaded assignments) and can 'drop in and drop out' as you need :)

www.meetup.com

My philosphy that got me out 'the world isn't going to come to me on the settee, I have to go into the world'.

What I love about meetup....like minded people just enjoying life with no pressure.

Be interested to know how you go....PM me any time and way to go on your sobriety :)

Hi Ashley,

Good for you for a years + of sobriety. As for friends and finding a 'life" I'm not sure the two are absolutely connected. I needed to find out what *my* life could look like and how I wanted to live before I could really be a friend. I had to determine that I had values, and then decide how to start to live those values, before I knew what friends really did and were. I came into AA with a huge social life, a big circle of friends, but what I realized pretty quickly was I didnt show myself to anyone. Not really. So the friendships I had werent quite real. A day at a time, the more I see this.
Now I have a smaller circle of friends, but they are friends that I don't hold secrets from. If they ask me anything I can tell them the truth. That wasnt the case before.
Anyway I guess what I'm saying is start being a friend to yourself, to the people around you. Friendships that are real and sustainable and based on the sober you -- eg. a real and genuine you....will come from that.
I'll take the few close friends I have today over the dozens of aquaintance relationships I had (and really didnt have...my fault, not theirs) in the past.