Yo!! How's it hanging over here in this little corner of the internet? I have had a stretch of flippity days a couple weeks ago that i just let myself fall and once again proven no good comes from it. You're welcome! You don't have to repeat my dumb antics as it has all been resolved: alcohol is, in fact, the Devil.

I haven't drank in a week now. The sort of shame i feel is like hooking up with an ex who blew your life up. If my life were a movie, the audience would ask, "How can our hero be this straight pathetic? I can't watch this shit anymore."

The week buffer from the stumble is like that very long, scorching shower you take to get the slime off you. Will i always be a slimeball? Will i ever emerge as a fragrant flower doing saintly things for humanity? God ... If you're listening to my drivel, know that i swear..swear to you..i am trying to be better. I am ready for enlightenment. Show me the enlighten.

Defensive sarcasm aside, the cornucopia of horrid news stories bore fruit as a national headline about a young, pregnant, drunk woman having a terrible accident and it resulting in the death of her son and harm to her unborn. She has blown her life up in true horror fashion. I felt gut punched to read of such an awful place she is in now. Idk what her circumstances were, what state of mind resulted in this catastrophy. I will say there was very little in the story about who she really was. It was a puff piece to titillate with the spectacle of how depraved humanity can be. Whoop! Here it is!! 

Yet we all know how easily the Devil can take any one of us that way. This woman is paraded before society, her absolute grief now the albatross of her legacy. She is the modern martyr, the victim of a disease that would take over a pregnant brain and push the worst decision. I know my worst decisions have been at the mercy of my apathy to hand over the reins of my psyche to the Darkness. I whip it out, slap it down: here..LIFE.. I drive my car off a bridge, let it burn.

When i read these stories i am galvinized to the reality that it's not a game. The pain i am causing the people around me is real. The disease is real. The consequences are brutal. The poison that crushes the dream.

As these thoughts are circling the drain, i wanted to say that my husband and I really enjoyed "Loudermilk" on Prime. Ron Livinston is perfectly cast as a cynical recovering alcoholic. 

I had a conversation with a good friend who is now a year sober. We were talking about who much booze is on tv. I guilty pleasure watch "Good Girls", which is kinda "Bad Moms" or "Dead to Me" type show where woman are pushed to the brink and make bad decisions, ultimately criminal. Of course those shows are "loaded" with wine and liquor in every damn scene!! Like..these people couldn't join gangter circuits without alcohol to lubricate the faculties.

What that means for the organic "born bad" gurl idk!!! She don't need the anesthetizing, just opportunity. Like can't women be criminals without blaming it on drugs?? 

Right? 

Anyway. Loudermilk is refreshing as it is the anti-drama to all that. I appreciate it's honesty, and anything with Brian Regan.