Thx for sharing

Namaste

Great post Olive! It wasn't like I had to find a deeper bottom but the 1st year I got sober was definitely not peaches and cream. "Things" went wrong and life didn't get easier. I guess I have just learned how to manage my life without drinking. One thing I know for sure is that I have so much more fun now that I AM sober. When things are good I really appreciate them. Drink neither buries the sorrow nor adds to the joy.

Hey - thanks for sharing that. I am 4 months sober and I don't think that I have hit my rock bottom yet. Which is amazing because I have been through a lot, I would say I think I have hit my emotional bottom which is why I decided to get sober but I am sure other bottoms are out there for me to hit at some point. I can totally relate to your post and about how everytime things get insane I pick up drinking again. Most of the time it is the insanity going on in my head.. all I want is a moment of peace and having a few drinks does that. I have been glorifying my drinking lately so it was really good for me to read your post today. - thank you!

Bottom after bottom Its called Peeling away the onion layer's ( our lives...). The bottles were only a symbol its says in our Book!! Now we need to learn to grow in effectiveness. In our lives , and begin in demonstrating that to others.
Billy

Wait.....hmmm your question

Bottoms are weird for different people. The first time I went sober I was still married, 3 cars, 5 rentals and son and daughter in school.

Within 6mths I had separated from hubby of 18 yrs. Moved 4 hours away in the middle of the night with my Sheriffs protecting me. Son had to go his senior year at a strange school where he knew no one. He was a small town football hero where we had lived...lost the houses ...terrible problem to have rentals with a tweaker. Son joined the Navy before the planes hit...which they did about 3 mths after he went in.

Now is that a bottom??? It wasn't to me because I was sober
but then I talked myself into drinkin again...I was working full time, 2 cars...but Son in the war, front line medic....sheesh I wasn't on bottom then

My bottom was spiritual....I had a hole..I was ashamed of myself...I couldn't sleep...mental issues were compounded

2yrs ago when I quit...it was all me...no tickets...no probs except health....big fight with daughter and that did it AA I AM COMING!!!!

sry I was so long...made me think though

Nice Pat :)

Thank you.

I wonder about this for me. My head is my problem. Drinking was my solution, my coping mechanism. I was escaping the REAL problem.

I couldn't embrace a solution because I never allowed the REAL problem to surface. I kept pounding it to oblivion. Take away my pseudo-solution and now I have to face the problem with no coping mechanism. Now there is room. I have to feel that HOLE and leave it empty awhile maybe.

I don't want to live like this. I can't drink. I don't want to die. I am ready to work for something better. I think I am finally willing.

It's gonna get uncomfortable... I am anxious to really start working the program. That's a first for me.

Good luck, howtolive!!! It sounds like you are showing real growth!!! (((((Hugs)))))

I have been thinking about this "hitting bottom in sobriety"....

Is this where it is at for you? Perhaps you are onto something here.

I am really feeling that we can hit more than one bottom, too, well into sobriety. Like, I hit a "bottom" with my drinking, where I was DONE with the booze. Now, over three years later-in my work towards health I have hit a few more "bottoms" emotionally-things I needed to get rid of to stay healthy. Booze was only the beginning for me in this falling down stuff-and deciding whether to get up and change, fall further, or fester in the mud.

I really love this topic.

In sobriety there's been a lot of dark places and times I've felt like I haven't wanted to go on Anna. No one time is comparable to the other. They are what they are. Moments in life, and I know each one will pass, some quicker than others. I've been gifted ways to cope when life does bring me down and I know I have to continue using the tools I've learned in sobriety and keep the load lighter so when life does
'bring it on', so can I.

Great post there spunky! You have no idea how proud I am of you.

Yes, i realized now that i still lived the insanity even sober for 10 years - but there was a lot of things in that mix - i am blessed and grateful i now live in peace.

I don't know. I have trouble wrapping my head around the idea of "hitting bottom." I guess it just hasn't been part of my experience. I remember very clearly when I decided I had had enough, but it wasn't because something out of the ordinary happened with my drinking or because I reached a point of desperation. In retrospect I could say that I "hit bottom" because I decided to change my life, but that definition seems forced.

Anna, why was relapsing about not yet hitting your bottom instead of not having the tools or support or headset that you needed to stay sober at the time?

Why do you feel like you need to hit bottom? What are you setting yourself up for, carrying around the thought that you haven't hit your "true bottom?"

Maybe what you learned isn't that it is going to get worse, but that you can work through whatever comes without drinking. At least that's my take on it. :-)

I'm not trying to be argumentative here, just give you another perspective on the idea of "hitting bottom."

I often hear people use that phrase 'maybe you just haven't found your bottom yet'. It's always made me a little uneasy, but I couldn't put into words why... I like your 'trap door' analogy - I think that sums it up. The next time we go searching for that bottom that will give us the desperation we need, who knows how where it will take us...maybe a lot lower than we were thinking.

ExJ -- I didn't relapse BECAUSE I was seeking a bottom, but it was definitely discouraging to hear and even think that "I wasn't done" was the reason I couldn't grasp true recovery. It became just another excuse to pick up again I guess.

It's hard to explain. Maybe I am asking myself what if when things get so seemingly unbearable sober that I can't fathom anything but escape, and then I don't? Instead of picking up a drink, I let myself drop to yet another low. I think just as when the misery of drinking is too much, there is discomfort in sobriety that can seem like "too much".

This idea of a sober bottom is less about drinking and more about embracing healthy sobriety and working to change my life as well as letting go of the idea that I can control everything. It's about choosing to move forward because moving in any other direction is no longer an option.

ExJ -- You said something to me awhile ago that I haven't stopped thinking about. You described a scene in "The Horse Whisperer" where the trainer stood on the horse until the horse stopped fighting and at that point became trainable. I still haven't seen the movie but your description as I understood it made a lot of sense.

Point is, this is less about drinking and more about surrender. I haven't been able to "let go". Gosh, it makes perfect sense to me but difficult to put into words. All it means is that I think I know what has to happen and it doesn't require I go back out and drink. I am acknowledging that things are gonna get really tough in sobriety and I am willing to let that happen and then learn a real solution and coping mech.

Jumping off point... I can't drink and I can't live sober without a way to cope. I can't live like THIS - I will continue to go back to the bottle... or I accept a solution and work for it.

I like what Billy said about peeling away the layers of the onion. Pain is a great motivator and anything can be dealt with sober. Nice you got to the other side and know that drinking is not an option regardless how difficult life feels at the time.

It was a spiritual sickness for me and a spiritual solution I need on a daily basis.

Nice post. Good going!

xo