Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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fiance lied!

rummi
rummi
I realize that an alcoholic is a liar and a master manipulator but when can one trust that they are finally telling the truth. My fiance has been an alcoholic for years, he is 39 years old with Cirrhoisis. He has lost it all and I have stood by him thought prison and thru near death expereinces in the last 5 years. When he was released from jail a year ago he swore that he would not drink whiskey anymore and today I found 2 large 1/2 gallons of whiskey in his room. Last week I went to San Francisco for a week and I guess he figured he could get his drink on. The thing is that I am so tired of being let down. I want to believe that hes going to stop and he does such a good job of hiding it. To be honest, if he wasnt sick from his liver I wouldnt care if he drank. He never appears to be drunk. I actually have not seen him drunk all the time we have been together. I guess hes a good drinker if that makes any sense! I sometimes smell a small scent of sweet from him but never to sure if its his cologne or whiskey. He masks it so well! Since I have once given him an ultimatum of me or the whiskey do u guys think that I should call off the wedding now? We are supposed to get marred in 2 months and I dont know what to do. I love home immensely but I surely do not want to live with a man that loves his booze more than me! I know that when I talk to him about this he is going to tell me that he will quit, but now I dont kow if I can believe him anymore. I feel so betrayed!
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's unfortunate, but the drink comes first. Some are willing to die drunk and that may very well be your fiance.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Rummi I wouldn't think of telling you how to live your life but there is one simple rule that has worked for me."the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. We're not talking a part time relationship here .We're talking till death do you part . If he lies about his drinking I wonder whar else he's hiding? Just food for thought
deleted_user
deleted_user
If your fiance is still drinking with cirrosis he most certainly going to kill himself and it won't be the "party till the end" that he thinks. The symptoms are debilitating and last a long time. Chief among them is dementia. Forget all the other reasons to leave and ask yourself if you are ready to be a nurse-maid instead of a wife because that is most certainly what you will be. I was there but because I had stopped drinking 8 months before diagnoses I was able to get on a transplant list and received my new liver 1 year ago. But prior to my miracle I was completely unable to control any bodily function as well as dealing with constant dementia. Its not the party he imagines. Until he quits drinking and gives you some hope I suggest you leave. Either choice you make alanon will also be helpful.
LindaJean
LindaJean
rummi - alcoholics drink - that's what we do. I'm not so sure that we are all liars and master manipulators - as you have described us - but we will go to the mat to preserve our right to kill ourselves and to that end we will twist the truth as best we can to find a way to drink.

If your fiance is going to kill himself - there is little you can do about it. He has to want to quit drinking. It's not so much a betrayal of you, when he drinks, it is that he feels he has no choice.

If you think that you will be able to change him - and if you think that if he loves you - he will quit drinking - that is a fantasy. You are looking forward to a life of disappointment if you expect him to change. I would cancel the wedding unless and until he has decided to really stop drinking. You will know if he has truly made that decision by a marked change in his attitude = and if he is forever going to an AA meeting. :) Good luck.