Congrats on staying sober. I run into this type of situation many times and you have several choices. I would really visit with your husband and let him know how you feel. Choose to go somewhere for the weekend and pamper YOURSELF. I drink alot of coffee in those situations. Just remember its great to be social and hopefully you dont HAVE to be around if it makes you uncomfortable. Stand your ground. Got ur back :)

That's a tough one...but it's two weeks away so imagine that you will not be feeling quite as prickly by that time:)
How does your husband feel about you quitting?

My husband was very influential in my decision to quit. That's kind of what irks me!! It's okay for him, but not for me!!! And his rationale is that he can control his drinking and I cannot. Somewhat said with a superior tone.

Sorry for my negative post! Just feeling uncharacteristically grumpy this morning!! It's all good. I am doing what is right for me. Just got caught of in the "what other people should do" trap!! I should not worry about what I think they should do!! They are doing exactly what they think they should do :-)!! Ellison's theory of "shoulding all of yourself" :-)!!!

When my ex-wife got drunk I found it very interesting to observe how stupid that I was when I was drunk. It was actually a teaching lesson for me. "I don't ever want to be like that again."

If you think that you were great in bed when your were drunk you will find out that sex with a drunk is not very exciting at all.

The only person that you can is yourself. Make this event a learning experience.

I was taught what other people do is none of my buisness. There has been alcohol in my house since the first time I got sober in 2001. I asked my grand sponsor about that. He asked me whos it was I said its my wifes he then said well then its none of your damn buisness. I have never forgotten that advice. The big Book of AA says that if I cant be around it then there is something wrong with my spiritual condition. In AA thru the 12 steps god removed my obsession which I found out was the reason I drank in the first place and in over 12 yrs not once have I had to struggle to stay sober. Heck during 2005 while I was still skydiving we were at a friend of mines drop zone near New Orleans and my wife wanted to go down to burbon street during Mardi Gra. So we went and all had a blast. We went again the second night before it was over and not once during either of those times did my mind say hey you can drink. This shows what was reported in the Big Book of AA to be true. One funny thing I notice during that time was the religous that were down there using bull horns telling the drunks they were going to hell and the drunks replies were maybe but atleast we will have fun on the way. That made me laugh. Here i was surrounded by a sea of alcohol and no thoughts of drinking How can that even be possible and all I can say is for me the program of AA has proven effective for me as long as i do it.

Yes, I agree with the others who say our sobriety is our own responsibility. It seems hard but it is the only way to shift our expectations away from other people to being solely responsible for ourselves.

Early sobriety is far from easy, I don't think for one minute that I would be where I am today if not for all the help I received in my chosen programme of recovery but nonetheless it took commitment and the onus was purely on me to be willing to do what was required and suggested.

Maybe you can stay with a friend or relative who doesn't drink that night if you don't feel you can be with other alcoholics in recovery just yet. That might be a compromise worth considering?

Thanks Antonia and everyone else! You all are correct, the onus is on me and it's my choice not to drink. I have a friend who quit drinking and I never drank around her out of respect for her recovery. I have to quit judging others actions by what I myself would do in the same situation!!

I too would get a bit erked at my spouse when she would have her wine and the worst is the cork goint pop or the glass when it tinkles as she adds ice.

But she is not an alcoholic. I simply bring up a few of the things and she tries to make the sounds not so loud.

Bottom line is i was mad i could not drink, but the feeling goes away or at least diminishes over time

1is2

you will persevere, i must admit that I can also sympathize with you r hubbs and a friend and drinking .... just let him know you are struggling once in awhile he will probably not even know that he was doing something to ''trigger' your mind.

When I first told my wife that I am an alcoholic and could not drink again, her first reply was: Is that the end of my Sunday glass of wine then? Of course, it was not the end of her glass of wine because she does not have a problem with having one drink. She has decided to stop the wine along with various types of junk foods for the New Year but that is because she has decided to adopt a healthier lifestyle and I had no part in that decision.

Right from the start I had no problem with her drinking in my company, although to be fair she drinks very little. The reason I was at ease with it was because I had made a decision that my drinking was over and no matter what other people did, I could not drink if I expected to live. I then did what needed to be done, even when I did not want to, in order to help me to achieve that goal.

Hi,
I just don't drink. I focus on myself, my reactions, and I remind myself there is no "one drink" for me so why bother.
My husband and all my best friends drink. None of them drink alcoholically. Also its not all abou me. When we did Christmas dinner here at our home, my parents, and my husband drank some wine. It wasnt about me or my alcoholism it was about what they wanted and I was fine with it. Ditto New Years eve. We had friends over. I drank seltzer water, green tea and a hot cocoa after dinner. My friends drank mixed drinks and wine. Kids had 'mocktails." I didnt even have one of those as its not the right path for me.
Again, new years was about celebrating, being with people we loved, and having a great time. It wasnt about my alcoholism. When I got comfortable enough in sobriety to have things be about others, I was and am totally fine with their drinking.

When i'm feeling less than secure I either don't attend a given event, give myself a definitive *exit* if I need it, or bring along a sober "wing man." If you are worried about drinking, then excuse yourself. Go for a walk, read a book, watch a movie. Don't soak in your resentment and don't expect the world to change for you. that's at least been my best bet to have a wonderful time no matter what.

I have already been though several occasions where others were drinking I just poured myself a soda and sipped on it and told myself in a few hours this day will be over I will feel good I did not drink and no guilt and on with another day. Good luck just think of all of the good reasons not to drank as they drink and sip on someting else.

I too used soda as a replacement. I also noticed when with friends they weren't drinking nearly as much as I thought they were when I was tossing a few back...I'd still talk to him about it though since it is so early for you. I liked the suggestion made to find something nice to do for yourself for the weekend to get away from it. At some point you will likely have to deal with being around others drinking but it is very early for you still....Just my thoughts..T

Friday night was one of drinking. Well every night ended up that way but Fridays gave me a good excuse because it was the end of the week and I'd had such a shitty week I deserved it. My thinking was never far from my next drink. Spin the clock forward and I can say my Fridays I still look forward to, but because I get to rest after a weeks work, have my pizza and spend the night with family and friends.

My spouse didn't have parties when I first came home from rehab and that was probably due our open communication. That was part of my aftercare plan to be honest with him. I had to remind myself he couldn't read my mind no matter how much I thought he should've been able to. Once i let him know I needed some space and time to heal, he gave that to me. That helped as it also gave me the support I needed to spend my time at meetings and talking to other alcoholics. He by no way understood and I made no demands on him to. Hell at that stage I still didn't understand a lot. The first year was a learning curve for us all and patience was a word I learned didn't just exist as a word in a dictionary.

I never asked him to not drink. As others have mentioned, this was my problem not his. But I learned it was okay to ask for support and to be honest how I was travelling. He gave that to me. We're a Navy family so drinking has always been a culture that existed around us. With drinking situations, I can stay or leave depending on how much I'm enjoying the night. Often in my first year I'd bid a goodnight to guests as they continued on. And I always had the option to dial-a-mate.

Keep the momentum moving forward lostnurse. Do the next right thing for you. There's always people around here too on weekends.

Please don't feel that you have to apologize here (reply 4) for being negative or grumpy. Rant away here if it helps or you feel grumpy or crappy -- that's why we are here!

I've been around alcohol and drinkers since day one. It wasn't always easy in the beginning and there have been times it has been downright tiresome to be around. But I never felt that because others are drinking that I should -- I know what a mistake that is for me.

I like ajleese's suggestion that you use your husband's hunting weekend as an excuse to go somewhere for the weekend -- or at least the night -- and pamper yourself. If you are at home while they are drinking, have an escape planned so you can leave if you need to.