Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I have just managed 2 weeks of not drinking and am determined not to ever drink again. My partner of 13 years is also an alcoholic, although I doubt he would admit to this. Our communication isn't the best as my partner finds if hard to talk about his feelings, but last night we were watching a comedy movie where one character did not drink and we both laughed as that is me now. My partner then expressed his disappointment that he has lost his drinking partner - me! I didn't know how to respond, so didn't, but I found myself feeling sad and guilty as alcohol has played a big part in our lives, from parties, to holidays to home life. I have been worried that he was going to take me not drinking very hard and I know he won't support it as his drinking habit is more severe than mine, (although he is a functioning alcoholic as was I). There is a part of me that feels guilty about doing this to him and another part that is worried that my sobriety will threaten our relationship down the track, as I will need to do things so differently in the future to succeed, right down to the type of holidays we have - no more lazing around drinking cocktails in the sun. I just wondered whether anyone had similar experiences around this that they could share as I don't want my feelings of guilt to weaken my resolve.
You can still laze around in the sun without drinking. But you might find your vacations become more balanced with other activities as well.
No reason for you to feel guilty -- think about it for a bit. Why should you feel guilty that you made a decision to live a better life? You are an alcoholic, why in the world should you feel guilty about quitting?
I have never had a relationship that lasts for any significant amount of time if it started out with us drinking.
Sick as it may be, to me, there was drinking relationships and there was non-drinking relationships. The only relationships that lasted even remotely long term were those that never had drinking alcohol involved. Kind of weird, I guess.
Sobriety cannot be the third or fourth down on the priority list. It has to be first. Everything else goes to hell if you don't have sobriety. If your relationship is based on you both drinking, then there might not be enough to hold it together.
That's the problem with getting sober. Tough decisions can't be continually pushed to the side with another day of drinking. You should feel no guilt tied to whatever you must do to protect your sobriety...
Hugs,
Dennis
"Make yourself up two lists. One of all the things you should feel guilty about when you were still out there drinking"
A couple of things I read in someone's profile to give you a jump start on that first list:
"many hangovers, some physical injuries, a couple of blackouts and plenty of shame"
It was a difficult period of adjustment, but we are still best friends.
I did as you are doing- with switching out how I once behaved for different modes of conduct, and I did so with the focus being MYSELF. I've been told that whether it is a best friend or a romantic partner, the focus in sobriety has to be to stay sober for myself. I cannot think about how another person feels about my sobriety. I can acknowledge it, but let that person know that I am doing this for myself.
There's a quote that goes like this: Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. In other words, be yourself, and those who are meant to be in your life, will be.
Second..yes. My husband and I just celebrated 15 years married, 20 years together and I'll have three years sober on the 28th of this month.
It was pretty up and down in early sobriety for me and as a result, for our relationship. I had to learn to do things sober and that included things with him. I know he sometimes misses his drinking buddy but he (as XJ said) got over it. Mostly he wants me to be happy and healthy and a drinking alcoholic can't be either. Ever.
So......we now do wonderful things together, and as a family. We also do ordinary things like tonight. Dinner with the kids, getting them baths, tucking them in. And I'm sober. Miracles abound for me in that.
Anyway, what do you plan to do to keep your comitment to sobriety? It helped me to have other sober alcoholics who I could talk to about going through all of this. I found that in AA.
He may have lost of drinking partner, but he's gained a healthier companion.
I remember when my first wife heavily cut down her drinking (she wasn't an alcoholic, but she grew up and I did not.)
I moved on to another wife. Same thing happened -- this time I decided to grow up and be the man I should have always been.
Now I'm a better father, and a strong husband. Perhaps your companion will do the same thing.
dh and i still do a lot of the same things we did when we were drinking - watch movies, travel, dine out (with much smaller bills!). we've also started trying healthier habits - we go on day trips to visit local farms and enjoy living overall healthier lives. you can't make him not drink, and you can't make him see he has a problem. if you want to stay sober, you have to choose to stay sober. as someone else said, your sobriety has to be the most important thing to you. when it is no longer number one, you are setting yourself up for a relapse.