What's with all the super long orientation and re-orientation for nurses these days? Is it the EMR. I mean sometimes they're on orientation of months

Almost everyone here is eager to help. At least that's been my experience and I'm so grateful for it.
I joined, relapsed, posted again, relapsed, posted again.....got sober. I didnt like alott of what was posted in response to my "slips" and when I tried to justify them. I also don't always like what people have to say but its an opportunity to learn. I learn most from those who push my boundaries....


Personally if I was only told what I wanted to hear I would still be relapsing and wondering why the hell I couldnt get and *stay* sober.

I got sober with a wide berth of people to ask questions about where I was at....I was very shy and introverted, but a wallflower takes a lot in if they are paying attention and with the courage to fly, short flight's at first I became a social butterfly who would not shut up:))
Thank God,
Billy

I understand where your coming from (lostnursetoo) some people want to give big long intelligent answers in a sort of bragging way, to show you how intelligent they are. 90% 0f the advice on here is brilliant but its just that 10% that come across egotistical i think. But that is life i suppose, were never going to like everything..........

To quote you "Glad to hear that you never faltered, that you always had to right answer, and that you never had to "redo" day 1. Honestly, stow your ego! It's not helpful to others who are just starting out and may be the reason most of the folks I started out with are no longer participating on this site! Where is your compassion or empathy?"

I'm sorry but if you address "the ether " how does your claim have any foundation?

I have yet to see anyone brag about never having to "redo" day 1. Is there a post you can draw reference to? I've seen plenty say that but I've always seen that in a context of giving people hope that if they find the path of recovery that makes sense to them, they need never drink again. People who are well gave hope to me when I was newly sober.

Stickywick reply #2 is one of them and what she just shared with you on this subject makes sense to me. I did not start off online, I have joined here a way along in sobriety but I learn things here too from members who have a different perspective to me or more time sober or less time sober.

If I go with my first thoughts when my beliefs and conceptions are challenged I will shut down with my opinion and never learn anything new or change my mind. For me to stay sober I need to grow along spiritual lines. My reality is not necessarily another's.

I can only speak for myself and so can you. People come and go for all sorts of reasons. Newcomers are all different and will make their own minds up about what they do or do not need. Sobriety needs the development of a tough skin for me. I was a super sensitive and having that pandered to did me no good at all.

The first time I met a recovering alcoholic they gave me hope when I heard them say "I used to be just like you, and It got better"

The second time I met a recovering alcoholic they pi**ed me off when I heard them say "I used to be just like you, and It got better"

Same words, the only thing that had changed was my perception - what felt like an offer of help or inspiration turned around so it felt like a condescension or a personal attack. Actually for a while everything felt like a personal attack - wether folks were speaking to me or not the words that came out seemed like proof they didn't like me, or wouldn't if they knew the "real me".

Keep swimming, it will come out in the wash. This is just a bunch of folks talking...sometimes I hear what I need to hear and sometimes I don't :)

P

I Agree I have read some post like that as well. Along with the never counting their sober says anymore. (but I bet they did in the beginning just like all of us) I find that some people come across as if they got it all figured out. That's great, but they/me are all JUST ONE DRINK AWAY from drinking again. no matter how you look at it. 1-2- 20 years or 1 day. we are all here because alcohol controlled us and at anytime could again.

Sometimes I have to look for the similarities rather than the differences.
I think the people that stick around are here to try to help others.I don't have to like someone to here the message,but I can still love them.As long as the ties that bind us together are stronger than those that would tear us apart, all will be well.

Hello lostnursetoo,

Sorry to hear that is your perception of what is posted here. All I can say is that personally, I was challenged many times by people at AA and some here and I did not like it at all. However, after reflecting for a while, I often went back and thanked those people who told me things that I did not want to hear because whether I agreed or disagreed with what they said, I learned a lot from them.

My heart goes out to people who struggle and relapse; I could have been that person yesterday or could be tomorrow. However, in my opinion at least, it is not enough to welcome those people back, tell them that they are doing well and hope for the best; that approach will probably see them relapsing again. Is it not better to suggest that they try something else, maybe something that worked for others?

I doubt very much if anyone had or has the right answers and any who thinks that they have are deluding themselves. All that anyone can do is share their own experience or post an opinion, with one persons opinion being no better or worse than the next. Many people have not had to redo day one and is it therefore not good to look at the possible reasons for that? There are probably analogies in nursing training where some people learned to carry out a procedure the first time but others had to practice it a few times before getting it right but you would not fault the ones who succeeded the first time for trying to share their experience.

I do not think that it is people showing their ego when they post about what has worked for them. Similarly, when people do not state that they are sober for x amount of time they are not being insensitive towards newcomers quite the opposite in fact. This can be a no win situation because if someone states that they have been sober for a number of years they will be accused of blowing their own trumpet. Sober birthdays are celebrated at my home group, not just to recognise the achievement of the person concerned but more importantly to show new people that it can be done.

Compassion and empathy are desirable traits and are to be encouraged but unfortunately those things on their own can leave alcoholics in the grave.

I had to think really hard about this response. I can only draw from my own experience and training. What I had learned in my almost thirty year career is that when you are attempting to help someone reach a goal, you have to be willing to meet them where they are. Not where you are or where you think they should be. And if you need to confront someone, you will be most successful if you do so gently. I have seen really (technically) good doctors and nurses lose a patient instantly when they start telling the patient what they should be doing versus asking the patient what is standing in the way of what they need to do to achieve the agreed upon goal of treatment. And I have had private conversations with other newcomers who have expressed the very issues that I wrote about. Did they leave the group because of those feelings, or were they not ready, too sensitive, too fragile??? I honestly don't know. I am just a "you get more bees with honey than vinegar" type of person. And seriously, thinking people are bragging when they say how long they have been sober. No way! I applaud them!

Hi nurse
I know from my own experience and that is all I have when I got sober in AA my sponsor and his sponsor and his sponsor would say things like this isnt about what you think or what you feel its about what you do that will make the difference this time. They also said feelings aren't facts and thoughts don't matter, for someone who isn't willing you can't say anything right too and on the same note for someone who is willing you can't say anything wrong too. I def believe this too be true for all the ppl I have worked with over the past 12 yrs. My sponsor one time pulled me to the side when he had to tell me the truth and said to me Dave I would rather step on your toes than step on your grave. I will always remember that and if you stay sober long enough you'll see ppl not only get well but you'll also see ppl who will die from this illness. I remember one funeral I went too very early on and the family crying and looking to us and asking us what happened, why did this have to happen. When You see that enough you know the touchy feely, the it will be ok doesn't cut it for some. I don't know, its all about who one is speaking with. That's why this board at times can be so inpersonal compared to being face to face with someone. The eyes don't lie, and when your looking at that person one on one and they see the hope in your eyes and the joy in their heart, that is what gave me hope 12 yrs ago to give this recovery thing a try again and i believe something this board will never be able to duplicate. But for some maybe this is all they have. That's why I like AA. It was like I had been trapped in a cave my whole life while others would stand at the entrance and holler in but never be able to find me. When I got to AA they not only knew where the cave was they came inside and showed me the way they got out and walked with me led me by the hand out of the abyss that was alcoholism.

I'm not sure how "Glad to hear that you never faltered, that you always had to right answer, and that you never had to "redo" day 1. Honestly, stow your ego!" equates to applauding anyone?

I absolutely agree with you gordon. It could be that if the same comments were made in person and I was able to see the look on the speaker's face and hear the tone of their voice, I would have taken the comment differently. It is a drawback of this type of communication. And believe me, I have had patients die of addictions or because they were unable to adhere to their treatment plan and it is difficult and unnecessary. And I absolutely do believe that "stepping on someone's toes rather than their grave" may be necessary too, but like your sponsor did, maybe it would be better done in a private message than on a public post. Still think you need to acknowledge the feelings and thinking before you offer advice or direction. Nursing is very different than addicitions counseling and maybe that is what I am struggling with!

It's a feature if this and other alcohol problem/recovery boards in my experience nurse. Not the first time it's come up.

The other thing I can say is we're all still here and think about "the ones that got away" and what could have been different.

In my experience PM ing with 'constructive advice' is worse than doing it in the open. ..folks can feel victimized and take umbrage just as easily.

Best thing for me is to concentrate on my own conduct...still learning :)

P

Hi Lostnurse. I am a recovered alcoholic. I am also an RN. What I did for a living was irrelevant when I stopped drinking. I could not think my way sober with the same brain that got me drunk, regardless of my profession. I needed other people to help me navigate the Steps to a sober life and a life worth living.

Try to calm your nerves. We are here to help new folks. You won't find much sympathy here but we do empathize. We have walked a mile in your shoes and are more than happy to share our experience with you if you reach out for help.