Medication such as anti depressants can be very helpful, and as it turns out a 12 step lifestyle is fairly effective too. Don't be afraid, however , to seek professional help outside of AA to. And if any idiots in the rooms tell you "no meds" tell em to ... well you can fill in the blanks.

Congrats a grandma how exciting... that's a positively perfect reason to work on your sobriety that way you can enjoy every moment of your new grand-baby's life. I hope that you make an appt w/your doctor so that you can discuss your depression. I struggle w/depression too and it did get a lot worse during my detox ~ I wish you the best... as you heal the panic attacks, anxiety and depression change. You will be okay ~ quit drinking and then just take it one step at a time we're here for you!

I am not sure if this may help but to answer your question about what first steps to be prepared for:

First and foremost, I would say be prepared for needing the support of others to stop drinking. I'll second Gailly's recommendation/suggestion to find an AA meeting near you. I just started going last week and it is just what I needed as I work on these same troubles you've mentioned. Open meetings are for anyone interested in learning about AA and everyone is most welcoming!

Regarding drinking and depression:
If you are having panic attacks and major depression, it sounds like you need to be under the care of a medical professional to help you out of this. If you are intimidated or put off by medication, there are other avenues besides anti-depressants - but you should likely start with a family doc to talk about symptoms, possible treatment options, and to rule out other possible health issues.

I have suffered from major depression for years and drank to dull some of the symptoms - only making them worse. I sought medical help - but didn't really follow directions with the meds or follow up with the docs properly. I half-assed it basically. This only got me into more trouble sometimes drinking while on an anti-depressant.

The lesson I learned from the above bit is: I need help for depression. Just because there isn't a gaping wound to deal with doesn't mean it (depression) can just be ignored or drowned in alcohol. I need to be completely honest and work to make myself better. That, for me, has demanded consistency, perseverance, dedication, and taking things one day at a time. I am not claiming to posses all these things, but AA is really helping me cultivate them.

I also learned (the hard way): Absolutely DO NOT DRINK within weeks of taking an anti-depressant and do not stop taking an anti-depressant cold turkey.

I've tried not to get too off topic of our support group here, but I sure wish someone would have told me some of this when I was initially looking to deal with my problems. Hope this helps!

OK, I would say that you should talk to a psychiatrist or a therapist so they can make a professional assessment. You need support in place as well whether that's AA or any other group. What do I do? I've occasionally taken medication when it's gotten very bad but I examine how I am spiritually, I exercise regularly (vigorous exercise), I have a yoga practice which helps soothe my mind and body, meditation, inspirational reading materials or just things to ponder, volunteer work, supplements like 5-HTP, B Complex, Vit C, Vit D (have you ever had your thyroid or Vit D levels checked? Important. Have all blood work checked). DEFINITELY have a professional team involved with you. There's no shame in that.