Bob, just curious I know you have been around awhile what do you think the answers are and why are ya asking?

you got me there gim, I guess I just don't like the sponsers I have, one of them seems to say one thing and do the other and the other sponser smokes like a chimney and I can't stand to be near him
In a nutshell :)

A sponsor is the one you most likely to guide you in your step work - which never really ends. They are a mainstay of that huge network of sober others that are there for you. Find one that has what you need...

Hugs,
Dennis

Hello bobinmaine,

There are many opinions expressed on this subject but if you stand back a little and look at the reason for having a sponsor the answer may become clearer.

When I sponsor someone I expect to be fired at some point if the job is done well. The main purpose of a sponsor is to take you through the Steps. After you have done that, your trust should be in a Higher Power and in the principles suggested in the programme of recovery. If you continue to rely on people, no matter how helpful they may be you are likely to be disappointed at times, simply because people are human and are not perfect. The aim is to bring about the necessary changes in your life so that you can stand on your own feet through good times and bad.

In practice the relationship between sponsor and sponsee is likely to continue long after the Steps have been completed and there is nothing wrong with that as it is a meeting of equals, with each one being helpful to the other. However, constant contact should not be necessary at that stage and if it is, the suggested principles may need to be looked at again. Nevertheless, it is wise to use all of the resources at your disposal and since your sponsor will know you better than anyone else, it would make sense to get that persons opinion on matters of concern. It is better not to have more than one sponsor at any one time, again remembering that the main purpose is to help you through the programme of recovery. It is a bonus if you like the person and get on well with him but it is not a necessity. In fact, you can have a sponsor from vastly different backgrounds and you dont necessarily have to have much in common.

Maybe you need to delve a little deeper in order to find out why you are asking the question? Is there something in particular that is worrying you that you need to talk about to another person? If there is, it would be wise to talk to someone, even if it is through a cloud of tobacco smoke.

I read Gim's question and your answer.
If you don't like the sponsors you've had, change. Stop being a victim.

Bob I'm not gonna go into a long Henry the eighth history lesson but maybe you otta think about actually attending AA for a spell and then come back and tell us about it. Being a active participant to me implies personal participation Not chatting or pondering a meaning!!
Billy

While I don't talk to my sponsor nowhere near as much as I used to while I was embarking on my journey and in the step process, I still lean on him at times, and like PJ said, I find that lately he tells me what is going on with him and his struggles...so it's almost equal at times.

I will often talk to my sponsor in regards to what is going on with some of my sponsees - how he would have handled something or his advice. But I would feel strange not having him in my life path, regardless of how long I have been sober.

For me the sponsor/sponsee relationships I have had have changed over time. After my first journey through the 12 Steps I needed to change sponsors due to moving to different places. I am still in touch with my original sponsor and have built a strong network of friendships with sponsors and sponsees alike. I do a lot of service in AA too.

For me these people are another kind of family, it's a wonderful gift in my sober life.

My sponsor told me right from the get go my job is to help you through the steps if we become friends in the process great if not that's OK too, which is pretty much the norm where I'm from.

We became great friends over the years (9) and actually sponsored one another from time to time, until he left the planet last week. He diffidently left a awesome legacy behind known for helping the suffering alcoholic.

If your not going to meetings Bob like Billy mentioned that might be the place to start don't ya think?

I suppose strictly speaking, a sponsor's only job is to take you through the steps but I like to have my sponsor about because she knows me better than anyone, she gets me to question my thinking, or my motives sometimes and I value that - in reality she is doing what any loving friend would do, and that is what she is - a loving friend, I call her my sponsor when she puts that hat on!!

You guys are right.....I think I'll go to a meeting tomorrow

Thanks!

My sponsor was the first person I was ever completely honest with, and I fully expected her to yell at me, reject me, tell me I was an idiot (because I was) but she never did. I have always been able to tell her what was going on with me, and she is always able to relate what I'm going through to something I've learned or should be learning through the steps or the program in general.

For me working the steps was essential to bring about the spiritual experience that keeps me sober; but that doesn't mean once I've done them all I've achieved perfect mental health. It's not like taking a class that ends with a final exam and you're done. There's always more to learn and deal with. Life happens. My sponsor has always been able to point me in a direction that leads me away from a drink rather than closer to one.

It's been almost 17 years for me, 26 for her, and she and I pretty much sponsor each other now. We have become good friends. I know it doesn't always go that way, but I don't think it has to in order to be an effective relationship. I do think of her as unique to my life, though. Almost closer than family. I totally trust her to have my back, especially when it comes to my sobriety.

I have little tolerance for a sponsor -- or anyone else -- who says one thing and does another. That's one to dump imo. If the smoker works a good program and you can relate to what he has to say (whether you like hearing it or not), you could ask him not to smoke around you, or stick to talking in public places where he's not allowed to smoke, or talk on the phone.

Hope it all works out for you!

Uhm sponsors Glad this is on this main board not the more defined AA Boards

As for me it indicates how things are suggested in AA and not mandated
I have not in 7 years ever had an official sponsor I have however had a few dear and trustworthy AA friends who I have been able to talk to on a one to one basis This I am eternally grateful for I have tried to reciprocate this whenever I can. Obviously this is not the case for most people in AA and I'm not trying to say it's the best way.Really just that there is no defined way Whatever works work it as we say

@Rivalano, curious who you worked the steps with?

If you are 4-5 years sober why would you need one? Did someone say you had to have one? You sound fine to me so just get on with life.