Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I am so torn! My husband's drinking has caused many problems in the past. He thinks he is NOT an alcoholic, but has agreed that his drinking has been the reason for our issues. He says he will try to make better choices. All my faith and trust is gone. I cannot even trust him to pick up a pizza without having a drink while waiting. He says "he is doing nothing wrong!" Is he??
Does it matter if he admits his drinking has caused problems or does he need to admit he is an alcoholic?
Does it matter if he admits his drinking has caused problems or does he need to admit he is an alcoholic?
For me, it was ego. I managed to get to where I was and it was all about status and there was no way I could be considered THAT! (That being alcoholic).
When I admitted to myself that I could not stop and I AM an alcoholic, I realized I had the power to control it. I realized what it did to me and can choose NOT to consume.
My spouse did not make it through this though. They gave up on me and we have been divorced for several years now. I wish my partner would have become educated on alcoholism because I still love them to this day.
The more you know, the more you grow says a lot. If you can educate yourself through alanon, aa, addictions counselors, and building your support group and a family support group for your spouse, you can increase your chances of togetherness.
Warmly...
Hugs,
Dennis
We are not together.
When I passed out, I couldn't do my household duties and they would have to do them. When I didn't go to the in-laws on Sunday my spouse would have to make excuses for me. My spouse was developing a whole new set of standards of everyday life that differed from when we were married.
We should have changed...together.
As I see it what matters here is whether you can accept your husband as he is, alcoholic or not, or if you think that his drinking is a deal-breaker in your relationship.
I do not mean to seem unkind and I hope that you do not take this the wrong way but it takes two to tango and where relationships are concerned it is rare that all of the fault can be placed on one half of the couple. Finding out whose fault it is and who is to blame is pointless anyway as it resolves nothing so a different approach may lead to better results.
Nobody but your husband can really determine whether or not he is an alcoholic and he obviously does not think that he is. That may mean that he is not an alcoholic or it could be that his belief is based on denial and ignorance of what alcoholism actually means. If he is an alcoholic, confronting him about it and expecting him to make better choices is unlikely to lead to a successful outcome. It may in fact make him believe that you are nagging him about his drinking and that he has a good reason for drinking more.
Sometimes an alcoholic will react favourably to pressure from a spouse or family members and do whatever it takes to get sober but just as often, such pressure can have a negative effect and will only prolong the agony. A number of people have mentioned Al-Anon and I think this is where you could make a start on getting to grips with your situation. You can learn the right way and the many wrong ways to deal with an alcoholic spouse. More importantly, you can learn how to look after your own welfare, regardless of what your husband does.
After you step back a little and get the space to clear your head, you can then decide if you can tolerate your husbands drinking or if his sober personality is what you want for the future. Either way, you cannot change your husband but you can change how YOU react to life. Apologies again if I seem to be harsh but I can only say it like I see it. Please keep your hopes up and keep posting.