Very normal thought. The thing is a thought is a thought and unless it becomes an action, there is no harm in it. I did the same a million times... I quit a million times, the trick is to stay quit. I would quit and get to feeling better, get my bills paid, and get the car cleaned... and then think... mmm it wasnt so bad... It will be different this time... and off to the races and then have to quit all over again in a month or two. I have an obsessive mind and the thought would be enough to make me do something. I found that I needed other people to be able to call and meet with to stay sober. I also needed to learn to cope, alcohol was my coping mechanism. It worked but when I didnt have the skills to deal with life, i went back... time and time.. until this last time when I went for some help. I found something to fill the hole that was alcohol. Sober AND happy, what a trip!!
1is2many
Sooooo is that thought just a thought... some action will follow...
will it be the alcoholic move or the sober move?
I suggest to get into some action and do something for somebody else, that is always good for me when I want to drink. Get out of my own head

Hello Edge11,

The thought of drinking is quite normal and there are a couple of things you may want to consider doing or not doing.

The first thing is not to fanaticise or to elaborate on the thought when it occurs. Put it out of your mind immediately but also, think about something different so that the mind is kept busy.

The second thing you may wish to consider is that you need to do this for yourself. Your wife will of course be delighted that you are sober but do it for YOU. In that way, it won’t matter whether you are home alone or not.

Thirdly, I would recommend finding out a little about alcoholism. An alcoholic is someone who has become obsessed with drinking and this obsession does not automatically go away when you quit. For that reason, it may be wise to do something that would bring about a change in your way of thinking. There are various ways of doing that and one of the most common is with the help of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Congratulations on 97 days – it only takes 24 hours to make it 98 so how about not drinking today.

Thanks for responding. Both comments are thoughtful and informative. I already made plans to play some old man basketball tonight. I appreciate the support and advice. Day by day, hour by hour.

Ed

I am not sure if anyone has mentioned this but I highly advise finding an AA meeting, check out times that work for you and attend one asap. Sooner the better. I think we have all been where you are now and free time is where our minds produce the most random thoughts. You did the right thing by trying to fill up your time a bit so finding a AA meeting will be the place where can find community, information and resources to fight these urges. Plus it fills up your time. Second advice is to call someone you trust when these thoughts become obnoxious because these thoughts can push your bottons and out of the blue you will feel the need to "reward" yourself with a drink. CRAZY! It may feel awkward at first but you need a go to person or persons that will help you get out of your head. Stepping away from that " I need a drink" mental space helps bring clarity to the situation.

Congrats on your sobriety and keep fighting. Find tools and resources that will maintain your freedom. It gets better. I promise.

Basketball sounds like a good activity to avoid the craving.

Booze stopped popping in my head when I fully conceded to my inner most self that my life would turn horrible, instantly, without question, if I took another drink of alcohol. Are you 100 percent convinced you are an alcoholic and to drink is to die for you?

The ego and alcoholism have a duty, an erroneous duty to feed us information that makes us want to create an argument that we might react normally to alcohol next time if we choose to drink again. Are you lonely? It sounds like isolation and loneliness could be an excuse for your ego and alcoholism to feed you wrong information drinking is acceptable? If you can create a counter argument, through inventory and self-admission honestly, towards your ego and alcoholism that it is incorrect, due to a glance at your prior drinking history and how that turned out (always more terrible than thought before hand), you might be able to minimize the impact the ego and alcoholism are having in suggesting drinking as an option.

This disturbance, one in where the mind focuses on alcohol after a desire to quite has been decided, is a direct result of an emotional imbalance, that is going on inside of you, that might be subtle, or downplayed from a standard that your willpower will provide you with the solution. We have lost the willpower to choose when it comes to drinking, so if you are less than 100 days sober, here are some simple actions you can take that will take the minds focus away from alcohol.

One, go to a meeting, two read the big book, three talk to another person who has overcome or been removed from the same situation, do something helpful or constructive for another, and pray.

The ego is an ignorant entity, it is so ignorant that it will be open to anything that reduces it's pain, or the pain it creates on it's on, but doesn't have the ability to solve by itself either. Instead of giving your ego the time of day to persuade you that alcohol might solve the problem of your wife not being around to probably keep you on your toes, take action that introduces your ego to a solution that will work, without the horrible consequences drinking constitutes for any real alcoholic.

For instance, in a meeting, your ego might hear something that makes it say "that sounds better than alcohol", or your ego might hear something that makes it quiet, for lack of a better thing to say. Reminders of how bad it was always make my ego mute, helping others always make my ego not have the strength it needs to mess up a day involuntarily.

For instance I've lost thousands of dollars recently on a bad deal, with someone who I honestly wanted to help, but doesn't want the help. My ego is having a field day with this, and constantly figuring ways out right now for me to run from the situation. I was going to vomit my problem on a new post hoping someone would get sucked into the drama unconsciously before I saw your post. From experience, going to meetings, reading the big book, talking to experience members who have overcame problems of great magnitudes, praying, meditating, and just having an agenda of unselfishness regardless of he outcome, I knew helping you with a reply was far greater than my ego vomiting about how I am getting a raw deal.

I help you, my ego losses it's agenda. If Donald Trump were to have helped all instead of himself and his people now and in the future, his agenda would look angelic, but it won't, it will look like hell, and the man's ego is going to be his downfall, so remember, if I am only interested in helping myself, with alcoholism, then I am helping my ego create my own downfall. I build you up, God builds me up, it's a real deal, God is the boss, I am the employee.

Look at the devil in this case as the ego. The steps deflate the ego, a talking devil, with no power, constrained by spiritual principle and correct action, has no ability to make us do anything ungodly, even if we are aware it is talking and trying to persuade. There is an AA pioneer who speaks of the ego named Chuck C, and you can hear much of his wisdom on youtube. Chuck C calls utilization of the ego conscious disconnection from God, and he suggest the real reason for recovery is so we can fit ourselves to be consciously connected to God, at all times, using our incredibly strong will power to now do the right things, free from alcohol, like God intends, making miracles along the way, growing leaps and bounds beyond much, if not all, of society.

In practical terms, just think what your wife will feel if she comes home to a husband who drank when she was away. For one she is going to feel used, and you will be seen as untrustworthy, disloyal, and a problem. She will be thinking a grown man has to depend on her to not drink, and the fact that you see her as a god, in terms of you don't drink when she is around, because you fear her judgment, will wrong her, because that is too high a task of any human, to be another less secure humans god.

Does that make sense? What I am getting at is think of your wife, and does she deserve a smile that you didn't drink while she was away, or does she deserve a frown that you did when she was away? Obviously anyone we love or who loves us deserve smiles, smiles at our successes, smiles at the fact they don't need to take extra precaution around us, smiles that we are becoming who they always wanted us to be.

I want to commend you on 97 days, that is not easy to do, and I want to ask you if you have a support system that includes others encouraging you to stay on the path you are on? I know newcomers being around those who don't have the courage to encourage themselves can be problematic in terms of perseverance, early on, so if you want more encouragement, something you definitely deserve and will benefit from as an recovering alcoholic, let's start a line of communication and help each other.

Take care, thanks.

Will Monday be 1 or 100?

It could simply be the past coming up as a trigger. In my past when the wife went away for a few day, it meant a good drunk for me without listening to someone complain about my drinking. I look forward to her going on a trip. Now when she goes away, I concentrate on taking care of myself. I like to explore different neighborhoods in San Francisco, or find a new hiking trail.

Thanks everyone. I did it, and the support system is in place. I will make Monday 100!!
Really appreciate all the support and advice.
Have a great weekend, and I will continue to fight the battle.

Ed

TailorSailor, your political agenda and remarks are WAY out of line for this board.

I found nothing wrong with Tailor's post aside from it being very pro-AA, which the reader can decide if that's valuable info or not.

All the time

and your absolutely correct about the devil..he wants to kill and destroy..hang in there..consider yourself prayed for//

and if you fall, get right back up

Wow yes. I think about booze from time to time. And like you said, sometimes it just pops into my head. Like an ex boyfriend. I've been married since 1999 and I've had many x's get in touch with me. Like booze I think "hmm, that might be nice" then I remember I'm married, what I have to lose, and that I love my family and husband and I don't return the text, call or whatever. Similar with booze. I think about it, and then like a cloud, I let that thought pass. the huge epiphany for me was that I could *think* something and not *act* on it. My sponsor has told me that given I drank from early on (like 11) through to 36 -- it would be just stupid to expect not to *think* of booze. So again -- when I think about it....I pray, I turn my thoughts to my HP, and I ask for the thought to pass. So far, so good.