I totally get it that it's very important to focus on sobriety and support and strategy for not drinking but there's a whole lot of great things we missed when we were drinking that we can begin to focus on. I hope your find something to distract you and you don't drink. I also hope that a member of this group could leave the sarcasm at the door.

It's okay to feel bad and crappy. It's okay to feel your feelings. They are only feelings, they are not facts. Believe me I know that to be true. I have 67 days today and almost blew it big time last night. Went as far as buying the wine. Told my husband that being sober didn't change anything for me, AA did nothing for me, why should I bother. I was wrong. Feel whatever you need to feel, just don't give in. It will get better!
Hugs!

Minus cabledude, great advice all. Thank you.

I have not been taking any vitamins, have been eating like shit, smoking a pack a day, drinking a pot of coffee, not drinking water.

I do get exercise via indoor soccer 2 times per week, but I need to start going to the gym.

Maybe it is partly physical. Thanks for pointing that out.

Glad, I don't have a permanent sponsor yet. I have a temp f2f sponsor that is trying to help me. I just haven't succeeded in letting down my guard yet. I know that I need to.

I'm just going to feel like shit and that's ok. I won't blow 23 days with one drink.

Based on your last reply, I think some physical clean-up will really help you HowTo. You're still young, but "ya ain't 23 anymore" (sorry about that). You can still kick ass at your current age (and for many years to come) but you have to take care of yourself.

Hey sweetie --

Say whatever you want on this board. Tired? Feeling shitty? Craving a drink for a week?

We want to hear about it.

And you don't have to pretend to be excited about being sober if you are feeling defeated.

I wish there was something I could say to take the craving away. That nagging, persistent thought of "I want a drink" is the worst. If you have any tricks to keeping that at bay or can think of new ones to try, I hope it works. Having a large glass of water or juice helps me in the evenings, so does going for a walk.

Oh, and it's okay to want attention too!

Way to go!!!!! helloooooooooo, you just nailed a big reason you could be feeling off... all the caffeine must make ya a little crazed too.. up and down .. get some vitamins, drink more water and take a few more extra steps during a day.. do it for even 3 days in a row and see how ya feel... Keep truckin' your doing FAB..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmNTAvnSais&feature=related

Anna, my dear sweet friend, you need a break from the whole thing, then take it. Go grab hubby and do something fun. You both need to do that more often. It's good for the soul.

I used to sit here and sit here in front of this computer expecting something to change, but it wouldn't. So I had to.

I went to rehab (let's say that's where you are with your 23 days sober) and came out with lots of tripy emotions, but determined (like you are now). I didn't come here much because the habit that I was in before was scary, as I turned this place into my 'online bar'.

I did meetings when I didn't want to (big for me), I got a sponsor, I got on the Steps, I got out of the car when I didn't want to and bought my own smokes (big for me). I did things. Things that were everyday life. Just didn't have the booze with me to do it. That's all.

Picture yourself in some situation, like going out to dinner with hubby. See it with booze, and then without it. What's the difference? Not much. You might be a little more relax, or feeling some guilt or whatever. But really, not much is different.

Now, look at later that night. What's going on? You feel the emotions getting bigger. Pretty soon you're pissed at hell at yourself. Even though you were drinking to ease these emotions you're going through today, the emotions are now HUGE! You might even come here and post something like 'Fuck Me Off!!!' (o;

Tomorrow will suck ass for you. You will be back to day one, and the emotions/urges/commity in your head will still be there but WORSE!

Now look at tomorrow without the booze. You may still feel like hell, but you're now on day 24 and things are still going better than had you gave in.

You do something today to save your ass!!! Don't do today what you will be sorry for tomorrow.

YOU ARE A TOUGH ASS! Now fight for YOU! You would kick MY ass if this were me (in a loving way and tough love way), so do that same thing for YOU!

Ok, I'm done for now. I'll get on your ass more later. (o;

I love you!

I have felt like that many times. I cant remember exactly but probably at 23 days sober I felt like that.

Anybody who tells you that you dont have time when you feel f**cking terrible in recovery is lying.

Addressing a few points you made:-

It is not wrong to feel bad. Feeling bad is not always self pity. We learn how to tell the difference for ourselves often by talking to others.

You can say anything you like on here and in meetings but hopefully you will be with people who care about you enough to listen and help you to learn and see things differently when you need to.

I cant tell you how many times I didnt want to go to meetings. I tried going and not going and for me going turned out to be better. It is true that what we want is not always best for us. Same with reading the literature but balance it with lots of other things. We get tired of things if we feel they are the sole thing we do. Its all about balance.

Dont want a sponsor - neither did I . I was revolted by the idea to be quite honest. But when I finally did it was the best thing ever. And if you get one and it isnt the best thing ever then move on, it isnt a life time commitment.

You dont have to beg for help - in AA and here you are surrounded by people who want to help. No begging necessary just being here is enough!

Dont pretend to be excited if you are not. Trying to be grateful for something we are not yet grateful for just makes us resentful. There were times in my early recovery when I hated sobriety, but I hated drinking too, so I had to try and stick with what felt like the lesser of two evils. Turned out to be the right choice for me.

Take time for yourself. It is really important that we do that. Taking care of ourselves is vitally important. Again balance. Ask for help in timetabling your life if this is hard for you to do.

What we feel is often not in line with what we are. You may feel pathetic but you are not. Recovery, honesty, etc can be hard at the start - thats why lots of people never make it and die drunk. To do it, even when it feels terrible and you dont know what is going on or where you are headed, takes courage.

The obsession to drink - horrible - and something I cant beat on my own. The only thing I can tell you about that is that I had it til I did the steps and then it went and has never returned.

Overwhelmed and defeated - that is our powerlessness and helps us to understand how much different things could be if we allow a power greater than ourselves into a life.

And remember at the end of the day you are doing this for yourself. Not being forced into it by someone else. Remembering this gave me some empowerment as I didnt get resentful at the "imaginary people" that were forcing me into it!!! lol

Dont know whether this will have helped or made you feel worse but please accept it in the helpful spirit it is meant. I have been where you are so I do understand.

Howtolive,DEFEATED?no your not,your just having a fk up day.your not defeated until your 6 feet under.(because of alcohol)sherry

olive, we all have shitty days. i'm havin' one. i physically feel like scum. i have the flu. i haven't really wanted to go to mtgs. in days & mostly haven't. i need to take care of me. the entire billie, not just the alcoholism. my health, emotional sobriety, my creative side, work on getting my sense of humor back, my relationships, care for my pets. if i don't take care of all of me, well then the bottom falls out. when i get to that point......i get the F-it's. meetings, 12 steps, sponsors and any other thing that was important to me, seems meaningless.
i gotta visit all aspects of my life, take a look around, take an honest apprasial & work on whats needs attention. AND, i have to do this daily. if not things get out of hand & i get overwhelmed & the f-it's set in again.
in sobriety i have learned how to take care of billie, in a healthy way. it's a process, a continual process. in no way have i perfected anything. i'm just gettin' better at it. you will too.
HALT. take time to take care.
((HECKLES from the minions.......you can over do it, burn yourself out on AA & all that goes w/it. you will eventually learn balance & it will be good. really. i haven't lied to ya yet.
& a decent sponsor can help you dechiper these things........when you decide to peck outta your shell and let someone else in.
i'm here. just waitin' on you.
XOXO-Billie

p.s. Rummy, your posts of late have been very enjoyable, REAL, uplifting & asking for help/answers. I see ya growing. i don't give these out often, but:
"ATTA BOY!"

Great advice here-listen to this Olive! And get on a phone and call women from AA too, just to shoot the breeze and get through this. You are so early in sobriety-this was a terribly rough time for me, I was miserable. Just get through it-it will pass so long as you stay sober. xo

hey im day 50 and i have felt like this but i havent had the guts to post it so good for you, the thing that has kept me going is i see it as im stuck between two brick walls sometimes, there my head saying i dont wanna do this and all i wanna do is drink and then the otherside is, i know where that drink is gonna take me and its totally crap! so sometimes it feels like theres no choice and its a bit suffocating, i mean i dunno if you feel like this but somedays this is how i feel, but the thing is this addiction is clever and my head just feels fucked sometimes and its ok to feel like shit, its not gonna get better over night i think, but it dont make it any easier - i guess you just got to take each day as it comes, your not alone and i hope you feel better soon

HOWTOLIVE, you just vent away as it was said this is not easy. Just look how far you have come. I see lots of progress all the time. I see you laughing here and there. I also see tons of hope, the hope you have and the sobriety you want.
I know it sucks right now, but it will pass. Trust me or all these others that replied to you. I am praying for you and I know you will keep doing the right thing for you.

The simple answer, How2, is to do whatever you need to step through another day. Just take small positive steps, even when you feel like crap. It will make the crap feel less like shit.

You said that you eat like shit...well, that could be a problem. Shit is not very nutritious and could make you a bit nauseous. :-) Kidding...just kidding.

Take a breather as many have suggested. Relaxation is definitely part of recovery too.

I gotta say the truth. There were days in my first several months that the only thing that kept me from using was a fear of dying. White knuckle sobriety is what they call it. I felt like crap from head to toe. I can say that early recovery sucks and usually no one argues with me.

As MindLight suggested, see a doctor and take extra nutrients. Your body is healing at a 100 mph pace and will use every bit of the extra vitamins and minerals. Ask about antidepressants. Your doctor can tell you if this will help you or not. It really can take the edge off the gut-wrenching days. As was said, most people can taper off the meds with time.

Read anything and everything you can get your hands on. Watch the movie, "My Name is Bill W." It is the biography of Bill Wilson. The library should have it.

Talk to anyone you need. Say what you have to say. Don't pretend. There is hope and there is help. Gotta look for them, though. It is empowering when you take action. Hope you feel better soon.
Wayne-