Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I have posted in this group before, as well as others, but it has been some time. I lost my boyfriend to alcoholism 3 months ago and I am still struggling with his death. I think mostly because of the unanswered questions I still have. I'm posting in this group in hopes that someone else may be able to help me better understand.
He was 34 years old when he passed in March. He had been a functioning alcoholic for quite some time. In November, it started to spiral out of control. He checked himself into 3-day detox around Thanksgiving and was back drinking after a week. On NYE 2012, his parents, his friends, and myself had an intervention with him and convinced him to check himself into a 30 day rehab program. He went in willing, with no fight. Before he checked himself in he was probably drinking a 5th of vodka every day.
I stood by his side throughout the rehab program and I saw such positive progress with him. His attitude had changed, he gained weight, he was execerising, eating healthy, etc. He came home on January 25th and we all thought he was doing great, until mid February when I noticed there were coronas in the fridge. Of course, he denied that he was drinking and he told me his friend brought them over. March 10th he was back to the vodka... drinking every day. And for the last two weeks, I literally watched him drink himself to death.
On March 23rd, he went into the hospital where they detoxed him for 24 hours and they released him when he was sober. At that time, he was losing his successful business, his friends, and family were cutting him off, as well as me, in hopes to help him hit rock bottom and force him to WANT to quit drinking himself. He had planned on checking himself in to a rehab program again on March 24th, except he hooked up with a guy from rehab in a previous stage and drank himself to death at this guys house. No one even knew that this person existed in his life.
He had all the support in the world to help him through this. I don't understand how it spiraled out of control so fast. He died exactly 2 months after be discharged from rehab. I know in my heart he wanted to get better. He broke down to me several times saying "I wish I could cross this river and get better. I wish I can run away from this problem." Was I just a victim of his master manipulation? Was this a suicide? Did he know exactly what he was doing the day he drove out to this guys house who he died with? Did he not realize how much people loved him? I put my heart and soul in helping him, I would have given him my whole world. Why wasn't that love good enough? I guess I just don't understand. I have educated myself on the disease and still reading things and talking to counselors, I still don't understand. Maybe I will never have answers. My whole relationship was not like this, how did it get so bad so fast? I have my good days and my bad days, maybe today is just a bad day where my mind is flooded with questions. I miss him every second of my day and part of me is so angry with him and part of me is trying hard to forgive him so I can remember all the good. Any coping strategies or advice would be greatly appreciated.
He was 34 years old when he passed in March. He had been a functioning alcoholic for quite some time. In November, it started to spiral out of control. He checked himself into 3-day detox around Thanksgiving and was back drinking after a week. On NYE 2012, his parents, his friends, and myself had an intervention with him and convinced him to check himself into a 30 day rehab program. He went in willing, with no fight. Before he checked himself in he was probably drinking a 5th of vodka every day.
I stood by his side throughout the rehab program and I saw such positive progress with him. His attitude had changed, he gained weight, he was execerising, eating healthy, etc. He came home on January 25th and we all thought he was doing great, until mid February when I noticed there were coronas in the fridge. Of course, he denied that he was drinking and he told me his friend brought them over. March 10th he was back to the vodka... drinking every day. And for the last two weeks, I literally watched him drink himself to death.
On March 23rd, he went into the hospital where they detoxed him for 24 hours and they released him when he was sober. At that time, he was losing his successful business, his friends, and family were cutting him off, as well as me, in hopes to help him hit rock bottom and force him to WANT to quit drinking himself. He had planned on checking himself in to a rehab program again on March 24th, except he hooked up with a guy from rehab in a previous stage and drank himself to death at this guys house. No one even knew that this person existed in his life.
He had all the support in the world to help him through this. I don't understand how it spiraled out of control so fast. He died exactly 2 months after be discharged from rehab. I know in my heart he wanted to get better. He broke down to me several times saying "I wish I could cross this river and get better. I wish I can run away from this problem." Was I just a victim of his master manipulation? Was this a suicide? Did he know exactly what he was doing the day he drove out to this guys house who he died with? Did he not realize how much people loved him? I put my heart and soul in helping him, I would have given him my whole world. Why wasn't that love good enough? I guess I just don't understand. I have educated myself on the disease and still reading things and talking to counselors, I still don't understand. Maybe I will never have answers. My whole relationship was not like this, how did it get so bad so fast? I have my good days and my bad days, maybe today is just a bad day where my mind is flooded with questions. I miss him every second of my day and part of me is so angry with him and part of me is trying hard to forgive him so I can remember all the good. Any coping strategies or advice would be greatly appreciated.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
I wish i could tell you the answers to those questions but, sadly the answers will never be known. The one thing is to remember that we (alchys) are good people just really sick with a disease. You tried to help this man and for that you really can be proud and just know that it was not you but the selfish / nature of Alcoholism.
I will tell you this, though, You have helped me today. Helped me to stay away from that evil poison that so easily could have taken me out. And for that I tell you thanks.
I will pray and think about you. Grieve, cry, and be sad because I want you to go on and live a productive life. You tried but sometimes we just cant "cross that bridge"
God Bless you
1is2
The problem is - that we alcoholics never know when that might happen if we are drinking heavily.
You did all that you could have done. Please don't beat yourself up by thinking there was more that you could have done.
If someone won't get sober - there is very little we can do for them.
A counselor once told me that the chances of staying sober without help is less then one percent and the chances of staying sober after going through detox and a treatment program are only 25% at best. These are insurance company statistics because they pay for most of the in and outpatient treatment programs.
My counselor also told me that she can throw the book at people but the rest is up to us! If we don't use the tools we were taught then we won't stay sober. Tools meaning, identifying our triggers and avoiding them, using our support system to the fullest, going to meetings, getting a sponser, doing the steps and so on. It takes alot in other words. There is no cure for this disease, only control.
Keeping it under control is a 24/7 job but the first few months of sobriety are the worst. It can take up to a year for the brain to heal and get back to normal again.
It's difficult watching someone you love commit a slow suicide knowing there is absolutely nothing you can do about it except telling the addict what his actions and poor choices are doing to us. Somehow it doesn't sink in and I think it's because the addiction is in control, not the person we once loved!
God Bless!
Neither is there anything to do with control - it is to do with a life lived upon spiritual principles. The problem is removed from us - read the 10th step promises on page 85. All we have to do is maintain a fit spiritual condition.
I don't understand why you have taken on board all that some 'expert' has to say about alcoholism and yet you got to meetings, have a sponsor - and do not appear to understand what is in the Big Book - why is that?
I would have posted this to you in a message but I was unable to as your profile is private. As I believe it needs to be said because it can cause confusion to those who new to AA.
I think you need to properly grieve first, and then get busy with some hobbies.
Once again, so sorry...
Hugs
Was your man of Native American ancestry? Native Americans have a genetic marker that makes go haywire when ingesting alcohol. My husband was only ONE FOURTH Native American but he had to be dried out early in life when he was 38 years old. He never drank another drop!
My daughter, JanMarie is not Native American but she is an alcoholic and very close to death right now. It is a disease and it takes a very strong person to beat it.
KK