I have been around recovery for about 15 years , but have not been sober that long. I had periods of sobriety, but never seemed to really get that I can't drink. I tried everyway to drink, and now I strongly have finally accepted the fact that I just cannot drink. It really is a relief and I'm not strugling anymore with thouts of drinking. That part of my life is over. To me, to drink is to die, and I want to live. I try not to live by emotions anymore because I have found them to be deceiving, the same as thoughts. When I lived by emotions I did what I felt like doing, and it always ended up the same. I have found my God, and to do that I had to put emotions aside because everything in me went against God. My thoughts told me all kinds of nonsense about why I shouldn't persue the God of my understanding. I am glad now that I have learned to do this. It's opened up a whole new world for me. I've learned a great many things that I was ignorant to before. I have learned a whole new meaning to the word love. To me, God is love, and without God in my life I cannot love. I feel this love so strongly now. I find I can love all kinds of people. I like to express my love that I feel now. I don't think it foolish, but sometimes other people don't understand. I'm not saying I go around telling everyone that I love them, but I am not ashamed to show it or say it anymore. Sometimes I feel like I'm alone now, because people don't understand, or they don't trust that love. I know that when I was drinking and using there was no love. This was about the worst fear I had about a life of drinking. To not be able to love and be loved, I think, is the worst possible thing that can happen to a human being. We were never meant to be alone, but that is where using takes us. I like the fact that I can love now. It doesn't have to do with what people look like. I can love a person for what I see in their heart, and to me thats a more true kind of love that I'm glad I have learned, but it can be lonly.
Posts You May Be Interested In
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...