Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
It is Saturday and like so many others I am financially panicked. I wanted to zip to the store, and then it hit: how do i pay for it? I have that sad amount open on my credit card, but i can live without it.
How is this not depressing? Despite the gravity, i have it good. I have support structure, i have a husband, children, father all under one roof. I have love. I am not lonely. Those are my shields in this fight to save my soul.
I keep reading about people with children who have lost their spouses, one lady with 3 children and facing eviction, who says she wants to die. There's another who had a business that folded and they had crackers for Christmas. Fucking crackers for Christmas. How do I deal with that anger knowing that these people don't have the shields, they are in the utter dark? I feel the gravity of that, the profound despair that I can't handle despair.
I want it to go away. I want to retreat into my brain for a few hours, anesthetized, while my i fall into a tranquil zombification and retardation. I need to fight the sadness inside, where it is most scary.
I know this shit is hard. No one wants to be sober right now. I sure don't. Thing is, i miraculously am.
I made it another day sober. That's all i need to do. One more notch, one more sunrise i get to breath in not reeking of organ failure and gut rot. I get to sip on a coffee and think about these things right now, talking to you, whoever you might be.
A little anecdote: I bet all the beans on one gift for my older son, a 150 watt Randall amp. It showed up in 20 hours after order, it is new and they cut the price $60 right before Christmas & I was able to finance it so I could afford something nicer.
Little back story, this same child had a birthday where he wanted a modified xbox that of course I ordered on ebay & a big box showed so I just wrapped it. Day arrives, candles are blown, box is opened. What's inside? What is this padding? Are these diapers? Wait.
Are there more diapers? Adult diapers! This is a box of adult diapers sent to my elderly father unsolicited, quite baffling to him as well.
What's going on here? You been punked son. Sadly so was I.
No gift.
Anyway, so yesterday this monster equipment wrapped all pretty and I write a 5 star review and they are excitedly setting it up.. Oh no .. It lights up but not working. Hour of tinkering, still no. It is a lemon, and his only gift.
Meanwhile, despite the ladylike creature I am, I clogged the toilet in a manor that required exhuberent plunging and splashing of a sort that is quite unbecoming. That was some Christmas 2020 fun. Did I mention our dog escaped & was inches from being hit by a car? Don't want to leave that out. This morning there is vomit by our door, human in origin & so pretty against the virgin snow.
What am i gonna do? I have a broken gift, which now feels like a curse on my son. I can't win. I want wine for breakfast, and I need my brain to stfu. All I gotta do is one more day. One more sunrise.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
Alcoholism wants you sad and mad and depressed. My brain will actually set me up for failure. It says I’m not enough. I’m not worthy. Well that’s just the disease talking
Today I hear that voice but I choose to not listen. It tells me life sux , drink. Life is going great, drink, the sun is up... drink. The sun is down... drink.
The emotions and feelings of inadequateness are symptoms of the disease.
Treat them by getting out of self. Take him out for a lunch... just u 2. Explain how you are feeling. He will get it and soon you can get a working amp and life will rock, I promise ,
C’mon
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Be thankful you have a loving family. Be thankful you have a supportive family. Be thankful you have a forgiving family and be thankful you are still sober.
When things don't go your way, there is always another way to look at it. Good things come out of bad situations but you may not see it at the time.
The best way I know of to transform that darkness and despair...Try not to analize but just Take a step back, pause for a moment, and take a deep breath (that's how we let go of fear). Then the right decision will appear in your mind. Works every time.
God Bless