Yes I can relate to where you are. Highly suggest a open group meeting of aa. Even if you have to drive to the next city over to remain anonymous the value of people is super important in life. People who understand are ready to help you feel normal again.

Beware of isolation because that leads back in the bottle

Do you have some close friends you can talk, laugh, cry etc.

We are social creatures and sometimes without the booze have a feeling of fear to relate and interact. Life is out there waiting, You gotta go get it

I am trying but now my anxiety levels have exacerbated and I don't understand why. I am on the edge, every sound or movement I hear seems like I am hearing it three times more. I am reacting to every little thing. I am so edgy.

I can tell you this was me about 3 months ago. It is a mind game that we have to play a superstar role in winning.

I was in a reactionary mode... I felt as if the world was out of control and I was just hanging on for the ride. I decided to say I’m going to drive this roller coaster now I honestly don’t have any way to change which direction the world is turning ... but I can control my emotions as it turns.

Today I focus on the positive.

I do acknowledge the negative but I’m not dwelling on this.

I needed to talk to a therapist. Someone that was not part of mylife. This guy told me I have ( had ) a Negative Bias. That was all it took. I didn’t know what was wrong until someone told me!

You are a winner and so don’t be afraid to win. Life is waiting you can do it

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Thank you so much that really helped. I have no trusted person to talk to and friends and family are judgmental and we are kind of in the same phase. So it's like the blind leading the blind. Being on this group really means a lot to me and it's quite helpful. I feel much better reading your response. And that negative bias really hit home, it makes a lot of sense. Since I have been in a season where I have lost everything, I have just been concentrating on the bad.