Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I had an alarming dream the other night. My husband brought me a device he claimed could swap brains and we could put our cat in a new body (that was orange instead of gray...idk) and I believed him. He used this thing and claims to put Yoshi into a new body. He picks Yoshi up and explains we need to end this one for the thing to work so he snaps his neck. I heard this horrible crack of a bone breaking. His body was limp, lifeless. I suddenly realized that I had participated in that, had offered him up in some game.
I felt ill. I felt ill in my dream. Then I felt sadness, that he was now gone. I felt even more grief over it than i might irl for the cat. I understood that this was not my husband. This was the devil in disguise, pretending to be a familiar, a trusted protector..like my cat.
When i awoke, the dream followed me. I thought about it and realized the devil is my relationship to alcohol. I thought about how it has been a constant in my life, more so than most people really, and always willing to go down the yellow brick road of annihilation with me. Alcohol disguises itself as my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, my confidant, my celebratory muse. It has woven itself into my very identity, like a black tumor that acts like it is part of you but is there to steal your life force.
I am again at that 2 week wall. Restless. Bitchy. Manic. Sneaky business of "hey!! you could slip off to a morning meltdown, a bad movie in your head before they even wake up! I lie to myself. I trust what my addict brain is feeding me because it is my damn brain. Brain is insane in the membrane.. Will that song ever be forgotten from our cultural tapestry? Try to say that out loud and have it not come out Cypress Hill.
I deviate.
Back to my brain battle. Here it is. I am typing these thoughts out now BRAIN!!! I am on to your diabolical plan and you need to STFU! I got shit to do. I will not become a zombie for your entertainment.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
King Alcohol.
To get out from under it took changing basically most of my life. I started by getting the booze out of the house, then I went to an aa meeting every day of the week that I used to drink. It’s that simple
It took 6 months to start seeing the other side of life. I found out I had faults... really? Me? I was shocked
One of the things I have learned was that just being a witness to abuse, is actually making me a part of it. Through the universal law of attraction, the universe sends me more of the same because it thinks I like it! The universe doesn't know the difference.
I have seen many horrible things on the nightly news which is part of the reason why I don't even watch tv anymore. I won't repeat them here. And It can be real or it can be imagined like when watching horror movies, and God knows, I watched many of them as a kid.
The only thing that worked for me was forgiveness....forgiving myself for being a witness and forgiving others for their inhumanity to man and/or to animals. Just thinking about what the animal went through so that I could enjoy my t-bone steak....has turned me into a vegetarian!
I forgave myself and let go of the guilt, with this very powerful, prayer:
"""Take this from me and look upon it, judging it for me.
Let me not see it as a sign of sin and death, nor use it for destruction.
Teach me how NOT to make it an obstacle to Peace,
But let YOU use it for me, to facilitate it's coming."""
God Bless
Why we choose the hell option so often is really worth looking into.
I feel that much of it has to do with wanting our simple ordinary existence to be more. I am finding, in my sobriety, that it’s easier to be good with where I am right now and that I don’t need that elusive ‘more’.
I know what isn’t healthy for me and am learning to just ignore when my mind is pulling me in that direction.
Keep doing that and those things fade because I’m not giving them energy to live.
One day at a time is how we can live a meaningful life.
I hope you’re doing the work of staying sober
That was almost 28 yrs ago. Stopping drinking changed my children’s future. I found living sober through the 12 Steps much easier than guzzling vodka.
Like 1-2 always says, I needed to get with some sober folks.
Pink, I understand your delimma but here’s the bottom line; people who want to get sober do. God bless, dianna