Hi Walkingtall. I bet 99% of alcoholics have felt the same way as you. There are certainly consequences for our addiction. Today you don't have to drink. Get to AA even if you don't agree with the entire program. There is something about listening to other drunks that takes away cravings and settles the mind. Today is day 19 for me and my life is soooooooo much better than it was 3 weeks ago. The cravings are very minimal. The consequences are gone. Sunday mornings are productive. I've just begun and you can do the same. Start today and we can track eachother's progress through early sobriety. You don't have to drink today and that is a great thing.

Sometimes I can do for others what I can't do for myself...maybe that's a good thing, maybe it qualifies me for al anon :)

If you're not already, look out for a recovery community, get involved, make the tea, put the chairs out...thinking of others helped me get some sobriety under my belt...

P

I wouldn't recommend Antabuse myself because when I drank on it it made me so ill I thought I was gonna die, no joke. I am in early sobriety too, though I slipped up last night. Back on the wagon today though. You can do this. All the best Manda x

Bcarey - my obsession with alcohol is so strong right now that going to a meeting and listening to everyone talk about drinking sends me running for a drink. Ironic. But it does.

Floyd, that's the whole point of wanting to go on Antabuse. I want that knowledge that if I do drink, I could get horribly ill. Another tool for me to get some sobriety time and more therapy time.

Paulokes - I agree, any type of volunteer or service works keeps the mind busy.

Right now I am left without transportation unless hubby is not working and can drive me. It sucks to be stuck at home, but in a way, I know that it's a good thing and I need to do some reading, journaling and work on myself. Start picking up the pieces that have fallen all around me.

Today I will not drink. That's all I know. Tomorrow is another day.

Bummer you can't get to AA. Perhaps after a few clean days, you'll be more comfortable sitting through a meeting. As I've said in earlier posts, the breathalyzer is awesome. I know it seems foolish, but there are no more games once the breathalyzer makes an appearance. My girlfriend doesn't question my drinking anymore. I just blow in the breathalyzer and we carry on with life. $35 to rebuild a relationship is a good deal. I don't even care if we use it forever. It makes drinking an non-option and takes the worry and suspicion away from my girlfriend who deserves peace and happiness. Maybe you and husband can get one of these "accountability machines?" It might take some stress out of your relationship. Just a thought.

Bcarey, hubs did buy a breathalyzer after my last binge. I knew he had it and knew what would happen if I did drink but chose to do it anyhow.
But, maybe a daily "truth machine" would be one more bit of accountability for me.

Still working on my day.

There are online resources, meetings, and chat rooms in addition to this one. AA, SMART, and Women for Sobriety all have them online. Online meetings might be good as if you need to leave it's easy.

Thank you Zachary

Welcome and I can relate. The reality of being an alcoholic mom is that we won't do anything for their well being. If we would/could we'd get sober immediately for children. I tried and couldn't and that made the shame even worse.
I too was going to try Antabuse. Instead I tried aa and it stuck. I haven't had a drink since the night before my first meeting.
Outside of Antabuse what is the plan? Your way hasn't worked so now it's time to try other options.....

Stickywick, I don't have a plan. That's the scary thing. Am seeing my addiction counselor on Wednesday & psychologist Monday....provided that I am able to get a ride.
I have no plan. No idea. No clue. I just know that I WANT sobriety more than anything. I don't want to loose everything. Everything is falling apart around me. My physical health, mental health, family, home...just everything. I can't do this anymore.

I didn't drink today. (Yeah!) and I'm getting ready to climb into bed soon.

I'm sorry but I have to let you know that the disease is telling you you can't go to a meeting. It wants you alone , drunk, then dead.

When I was at my wits end my dr told me to go every day, unless i was ill. He said Go to a meeting every day , unless your as falls off, if that happens , pick up your as and take it to a meeting. I was so tired of the insanity , I went. That was June 9 2012. So I suggest you get a plan, sometimes we are handled too lightly.

Get ur as to a meeting, get sober, live

1-2

I've read from other alcoholics that antabuse was a life saver for them. There is also Temposil, which isn't as dangerous as antabuse but works the same way- will give you bad reactions if you drink. If your urges are so strong you're going to drink even on the medication then it isn't for you but a lot of alcoholics do not drink once they start it.

I must admit I feel some envy when I read posts of problem drinkers who have angry spouses. I know it sucks but I lost my man for good and will never get the chance to make up for it. You still can, though.

1is2many, the disease is telling me a lot oft hi hinge. Yesterday it told me that I should go walk to the store for beer . I texted my therapist and told her how I felt and that I was just putting it out "to the universe". It soon passed. Later that day the same thing a 2nd time and it passed. I went to bed sober last night and I was able to beat the disease for one day.

None shop, he isn't angry so to speak, just using tough love. Which I know I need. The things I have lost as a result of drinking are minor compared to what they could be. I am being given a chance- and many people are not given that chance.

I tried many many times to do it alone. I thought I was strong enuf to win, I was wrong. Thing is that I could not learn what I did not know. I did stop drinking once for two years. I was miserable, sad, mad and just would sit on my bed and hate myself. Eventually I drank. I HAD to. Sure I wasn't drinking but the thing with booze is it is just a symptom. I drank to relieve my in ability to cope with life. I drank because I enjoyed the disconnect with deal life.

Then booze stopped working. I was drinking every day, lots,
I drank , and drank. And drank. I pissed off my lovely wife, I disappointed my dad. I grew to hate myself. I even put a gun in my mouth and cocked the hammer. It was so bad b/c I couldn't live w/o and I couldn't live with booze.

That was awhile back. Luckily I found a place where I could learn how to live. How to cope. How to manage life without the need to disconnect. U can too. Go find some program. It was aa for me but what doesn't matter it just needs to be something.

I could not do it on my own. Period

1is2many