An active alcoholic can only let their children down.
Fact of life.
I don't have children either. I can't have children.
It could be a good thing.
I'm too old now anyways....

really how old?
I am 30
my sister in law gives me hope she is 37...

A baby will not bring you peace. I used to want a child when I was young, but what I really wanted was for someone, anyone to love me, on my conditions. I had my daughter when I was 32. I didn't bond with her until she was 3, and this only came about because I got SOBER. I needed to take care of myself SO I could take care of her.

Ashley, why did you send comp that message? Why did you send it to her? How do you think it made her feel reading it? We're all here to help each other Ashley. You can help us, just s the people here are willing and want to help you, and complicated too. I'm unsure of your age, but I hope you are also getting some counselling or attending help groups. AA and group therapy helped me get through some pretty emotional roller coasters.

CM xxx

I sent it because she needs realize how lucky she is....she even said she thought she was going back to jail...she got a second chance, now she doesnt care????
what????
she was so happy when the judge let her off, now what?

The judge letting her off isn't going to make all her problems go away Ashley. I had a brain tumour removed in 94, and continued to drink and stay drunk. I had a beautiful baby girl, and neglected her. God gave all this life, and I continued to drink. It wasn't until I took care of myself, my feelings, my emotions, my baggage and stayed sober was I truly able to appreciate what God had given me. My life, my daughter, my family and friends. This was only achieved through getting help. I couldn't do it alone. Rehab, AA, group therapy, anything it took to stay sober.

Ashley, when you point the finger at another, have a look and see how many fingers are pointing straight back at you. Who are you truly judging? We all want you and comp to get better. Stay with us. CM xxx

Ashley, it's called A L C O H L I S M! And no you DON'T know what it's like to be a mother, let alone an ALCOHOLIC mother who HATES HERSELF most days because she WISHES her children could BE ENOUGH!

Don't you DARE judge us VERY LOVING MOMS who love our children DEARLY!!! Until you are a mother, you really should Shut Your FACE!

{{{{{{{{{{Rainbowbubbles}}}}}}}}}}}

sorry rainbow........you made me fall out of my chair......but i'm ok now lol

i have seen a mothers love.....there is sacrifice...that said....i have also seen a mothers love for abuse consumer her, relying on the heart of others for care.

it all comes down to priorities.......self must decide what is important and sometimes it is blind sided by dependence..


a child will humble you........even when they throw tantrums. after all....they are shadows of our youth.

I agree with Rainbow - this is the true face of alcoholism.

I have known people who are the most loving, caring, decent people who do things when drinking that they would never even contemplate when sober. I have also did this for many years myself.

We cant expect people in active or untreated alcoholism to behave like rational, grateful, sensible, reasonable people. That is what alcoholism does it stops us from being what we would like to be, what we try to be, who we were meant to be.

The true cost of alcoholism isnt hangovers and embarrasing incidents it is lives damaged and destroyed, promises and hearts broken, it is wanting with everything you have to be a good parent, child, brother, sister, partner, friend and not being able to because you are in the grip of something way more powerful than you and your love and your will. It isnt not caring about people, it is caring deeply about people yet still hurting them and suffering the terrible shame, guilt and remorse that goes with it. Alcoholics wouldnt feel these things if they did not care.

I can empathise with what people do and experience when thay are drinking but I can never judge as I have done some terrible things myself.

As a direct result of my drinking I do not have children. I am as sure as I can be that if I had it would not in itself been enough to stop me drinking. Nothing outside me ever could.

Nothing is acheived by me judging anyone, especially when I have not walked in their shoes. What I can do is understand the illness that we suffer from and try to share my experiences and the solution that I have found.

I am SOOOO sorry rainbow...I do not know...I am sorry if I offended you....I really am....again, I do not know....I do know i have latr down LOTS of people truly loved and to pass judgement on you was completly wrong...I have issues I need to deal with...I never understood my own mother, nor will I get that chance but I never ment to say YOU did not love your child....,my mother was different...it has a lot to do with how We were raised....Agian, I am so sorry I struck a nerve with you and I know it was wrong...please understand....if not I do...
so sorry
I was not thinking when I wrote
Ashley

Ashley babies, children, are high maintenance, they need constant attention and love, they are not solutions to personal problems. To put a baby in this world when you have not settled your head will only cause more grief.

I am not talking of having one myself, I KNOW that would be wrong before marrage what I was tlking about was the way my mother treated me and how for the life of me I can not understand why....
I am saying that I may not have kids for a reason
and may never
but they are a blesssing
I NEVER want to make the same mistakes my mother made....
I know it is a disease
it has prevented me from living my life
I live in fear
I will never treat a child like my mother did
I am, NOT refering to anyone in particular....
sorry to any one who takes it personal
I may also never marry
I never want to have the life my parents did
YES, I have issues
I am trying to work on them
I never said I want kids to fill a space in me
that is not what children are about
it is about preserving innocents as long as possible
I think
it is about teaching them everything you know....that is beautiful....
I do not know shit about raising a child, I am single
i do not know shit about marriage
I am single

Marriage has nothing to do with it. YOU must first believe in YOU, heal YOURSELF, you know you are great, just act like you believe it!

Ashley, the reaction you got from me is due to much quilt, as well as much truth about this disease (or whatever it's called) that we carry.

I was thinking just the other night, 'God loves my children even More then I do! How can I do this to His children that He trusted me with? How can I let my kids down, and God???'. This struck a nerve with me. I found myself shamed even deeper than before.

God put my kids in my life, yet I'm not being the mother He intended me to be either. I pray daily that He protects them from the dangers of this world, yet I should be praying more that He protects them from ME, and my alcoholism.

Talk about guilt! Yet...it's still something I live with because I'm an alcohlic who is stuck...stuck because I ....because I ....because I'm sick with Alcoholism.

There are ppl in this world I will never understand, but still have to remember that 'we just don't know until we've been there, done that'.

I appreciate your apology, and that you now have a bit of insight to all of us moms who do love our children deeply and without end, yet hate our disease.

Karen

p.s. I don't know what's going on with you and your parents... You are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sorry for that.

Ashley-you are jumping way way way ahead of yourself. Take a deep breath-no more booze, get a program that works for you going. Focus on loving and caring for Ashley. No one else now, need to fix you to be a good partner, mother, person....we drunks try to do things in the wrong order!