Doesn't sound like you want to stop, so theres only one other alternative and thats to carry on drinking.

Hi Peachy, usually we find that by the time we lose the choice in drink, we need to want to stop for our own sake more than anything in the world or we just carry on to the bitter end.

I agree with Blues, you might as well carry on until that degree of wanting to stop comes to you -or not.

No-one can fix you. No money can fix you. No knowledge can fix you. I found that out the hard way and we usually find that out only by our own experience, which can be tragic at times.

Saying you don't want to go to AA is not a good beginning. If you really wanted to stop you would be more open-minded to try anything and everything that works for others in your quest for sobriety.

I found sobriety through AA and I have happiness and freedom through a spiritual path plus a host of true friends in fellowship. It could happen for you, but only if you are willing.

Interesting that you think that no will understand you given that what you describe is the essential struggle of every alcoholic a deep desire to stop drinking and a seeming complete inability to do it. I certainly understand you - I have spent a good part of my life in that exact same situation.

I know that it feels that you desperately want to stop but actually you dont seem to have reached that point yet. When you do that desperation will mean that you are willing to do anything it takes and I dont want to go to AA will change into I dont want to go to AA but I need to.

If the situation with driving does make you stop thats great news - it almost certainly means you are not an alcoholic.

If that doesnt make you stop then you might have to conclude that, based on the evidence of your experience, you cannot stop drinking on your own power.

Hopefully that will mean that you open your mind to the solutions available. There is an solution to your problem available in AA right this minute. It works because myself and countless others are evidence of that. When you do desperately want it it will be there for you but you have to reach out for it we cant give it to you until you are ready for it.

Hi there Peachybum. After reading your post I went to your profile page and it was a wonderful mixture of some beautiful attributes and "problems other than alcohol" that I've heard and owned myself. Every alcoholic understands perfectly the desperate desire to want to stop and just can't as that is the exact nature of the disease of alcoholism. I've been around long enough to watch tons of people come in and out of the rooms a dozen times or so ... the only requirement for AA is a DESIRE to stop drinking. We understand how embarrassed or ashamed the alcoholic feels when they've picked up again in spite of good intentions. Your last line: "need something to make me stop" just isn't going to happen in this lifetime as only you can make that choice. A woman just came back for about the 8th time. She was an elementary schoolteacher who racked up 6 DWI's within 3 years, crashed several vehicles and finally hurt someone in the last so she spent a year in jail. This woman is in her early 30's and her name was plastered not only locally but regionally and even if you never met her one knew her face. She was treated no differently than a first time newcomer. I tried stopping several times alone and nothing stopped me until I had that "psychic change" our literature talks about. I did nothing different except show up at an alanon meeting which lead me to AA and I have not turned back since. I will keep you in my prayers as I have found nothing on this earth (interlock device) could cure the sickness that lived within me. Blessings.

Can't stop is a cop out. Not willing to go to any lentghs to stop is usually more the case. Like for example those AA meetings you don't want to go to.
Make a list of all the bad things that haven't happened yet as a result of your drinking and get ready to start checking them off if you keep drinking.

I had a great friend in AA from over a year ago who told me that whenever I start to say "Well, I never got in an accident when I was drinking and driving"...to add a YET to the end of those sentences.

I haven't killed anyone...YET
I haven't killed myself...YET
I haven't lost my job....YET
I haven't cheated....YET

Drinking will get me closer to those YETS and that scares the hell out of me - Day 2 of sobriety for me, I am new...again, but I see all the wisdom I hear before coming back and I feel stronger in this program now.

AA works for me, it is not admitting you are a loser or anything, it is admitting that alcohol has me beat, and I need someone to show me a way out of it.

i am very curious why you dont want to go to AA? It saved my life, and I have stopped for a while now. Is it because you are afraid? Believe me the first step into a meeting takes a lot of courage.Why would you wnt to go living your life as you do. I wish you well whatever you decide. Peace.

Dear PeachyBum,

I disagree with the "carry on drinking" advice. I assume that you agree that your life is unmanagable. This is step one.

The Big Book talks about three alternatives to alcoholism/addiction. Those are "sobered-up, locked-up, or covered up." Since the first choice is not an option right now, perhaps you can opt for choice two, before choice three is a reality. I would suggest that you check into an inpatient treatment facility or some other voluntary program.

While there, perhaps you will see the need to change. This is probably your most likely path to recovery, at this point. By the way, as long as you have breath in your lungs, there is hope.

Bless you,
Wayne-

First of all to say that no-one understands you,is way off. We know all to well exactly how you feel. i looked at drinking, still do at times( only 6 days sober)the same way you describe it. You want to but don't or think you can't....i knew that i had to quit, if i didn't my only other option is jail, or death. (which believe me i thought it better just to be dead then to carry on th way i was)but as i dug deeper i sure as hell don't want to die and especially not at the hands of booze! so go to AA what do you have to lose. don't go back if you don't want. Just commit to even 2 meetings. you have to try to be more open to it it is a matter of life or death for you and someone you don't even know that you may kill some day when you can drive again. good luck... NEVER GIVE UP!!

Hi peach, I've been trying to quit drinking for about 20 years and never got past the first week, this is the first time I've made it to 10 days and still coasting along without the panic of the "can't do it" feeling surging up in my chest.
These great people here know exactly what your struggles are, their knowledge and experience can boost you through the tough times. Just hold on tight and rise out of the haze.

Actually you can that's the scarey part. Not what we can't do but what we can. Somtimes responsibility is a bitch.

I know I was at the jumping off place...couldn't imagine life if I continued drinking, and couldn't imagine life without drinking. Things spiraled so out of control. I got my first DUI and made the logical decision...I wasn't going to stop drinking, so I just wouldn't drive anymore. That is the insanity of this disease. Then I continued to drink and my body started shutting down, I had no choice...other than to continue to drink and be crazy and die or to stop. AA helped me put the wreckage of my life back together. Taught me how to live and deal with life without drinking. I wish you the best. I hope you don't have to die or become institutionalized to quit drinking. Either way, we will be here waiting for you. We'll get you now or get you later...I will keep you in my prayers.

You are your "something" - Don't rely on the return of a DL to sober you, that's not gonna work. Each time you want to feel sorry for yourself and drink do something nice for someone instead. Pity is a human condition, we all suffer from it.

It sounds as if you haven't hit your bottom yet and I pray for you that that bottom isn't too messy, and doesn't harm anyone.

I was court ordered to AA 1X a week for 6 months, following a DUI.

Before that, I had tried MANY times to quit and I KNEW I needed to or things were going to get worse.

They did...lost my license, my job and a FAT promotion, my car (didn't wreck it, just had to sell it) and my dignity, after a night in jail, my booking photo on the net and my name in the paper.

What AA did for me is show me how lucky I was...that I didn't kill anyone, or do prison time, or take numerous trips to the ER for alcohol poisoning. It taught me that if we are wanting and willing to give up alcohol, we don't have to wait to hit that bottom, with a bone crushing thud....we just have to admit we are powerless over alcohol and and have an open mind and believe in a higher power and the words and wisdom of our fellows.

Peace and be well and good luck.

Peace and be well

Peachy.... your next stop is jail. You will be headed there soon. In 28 days you get your DL back. So you drink, borrow a car (you can't start yours), hit someone and kill them and to jail you go.
Your next stop could be the institutions. Wet brain is not nice. Liver damage is a killer. You don't want the help that AA can give you. Honey, us alkies have tried every trick in the book to stop. I could go on and on listing some of the things we tried but not enough space or time. Nothing helped until we surrendered absolutely to the idea we needed help. You first must admit you cannot drink like other people. That is the first step towards recovery. You must want what we have and be willing to go to any length to get it. You are not ready.

If you are ready, then try, I repeat TRY, AA for 90 meetings. Try 90 meetings in 90 days. If, after those 90 meetings you feel AA is not right for you, the door is where you came in from and you can leave also. Take back your misery on the way out and try your way again.