I don't know how long you have been sober, but at some point, many su cessfully sober people wean themselves off of AA. For me, that was just recently, at 11 years sober.

I was busy living my sober life, like I was supposed to. I too felt that I was just going to meetings to appease other members who might "worry" that I was drinking again. Like I had to show up just to prove I wasn't sitting at home drunk.

Don't get me wrong - AA saved my life and taught me how to live again. And if I start entertaining the ideas that I can successfully drink again, I WILL get my ass to a meeting. And who knows, I may start to miss the fe!lowship and start going to meetings again.

But for present, I am happy, sober, at peace and living and enjoying life. I think that is what Bill W and Dr Bob wanted for all of us...

OK, I just realized that you have several months, not years, sober.

Several months of sobriety is a good start, but it by no means indicates that you are fully recovered from alcoholism.

AA may or may not be for you. But at three or so months sober, i don't think it wise to give up on a recovery program just yet...

I have done better after I left AA.

Hello ColdRoses,

One of the things that attracted me to AA is that there are no bosses and as they say, the door swings both ways. Therefore, you can come or you can leave at any time and you dont need to explain yourself to anyone, including your sponsor.

Do what you feel is right for you. It is natural that people at meetings will be concerned about you but that does not mean that you have to keep going to meetings in order to please those people. You will also get misguided individuals like the guy who you say interrogated you for 15 minutes but you dont have to listen to those people either.

Im not sure if the AA programme that you have described is the same one that is in the Big Book as the BB version certainly does not cause stress and worry so maybe you have not found the true AA programme.

It is important to be able to say no to people and things that you dont want and maybe your therapist can help you with that. If you dont want to go to AA, just dont go and move on with your life without regrets. You are your own boss so do what you think is best for you.

Thanks everyone, I appreciate your responses. I do talk to my therapist and am open with him about what I feel and he's more on the same page with my mentality. He said AA really helps a certain amount of people who need it but others can go on and live sober without it. The problem I see is that I feel I can't be completely honest in meetings because when I am I end up rocking the boat. I always get someone pulling me aside saying your looking at it wrong, your alcoholic mind this and that, and I'm realizing that It might not even be about me. I'm realizing when I question things I'm most likely shaking their foundation so they feel they have to defend themselves. I don't want to shake anyones foundation, if it works for you great. I feel like seeing a therapist, keeping a regular healthy eating schedule, gym schedule, and meditating on a regular basis and practicing gratitude and positivity helps me more. I also believe in the law of attraction, if I focus on alcoholism I'm going to get more alcoholism, if I focus on being sober and healthy I'm going to get more of that. My point exactly I made a lifestyle change 10 months ago so in my mind that's my date to celebrate if I choose to do so, not punishing myself for smoking weed once or having a couple beers a couple times last winter to see how the effect would be on my detoxed body, not avoiding my anxiety meds because I might have reset my date. Those were all learning experiences and I feel like I'm doing myself a disservice to play the game and starting my date at 3 months when I last took my anxiety meds. It's waay too complicated, just let me love and let me live and let me do that today with the choice of being sober. Thanks again.

I remember there were some long stretches....months at a time when I just could not get to meetings due to other obligations. when I finally did catch a meeting, nobody ever asked me why I hadn't been for so long, they were just glad to see me!

In my humble opinion, You are afraid to make the choice that's best for you, because you are holding on to guilt over others judging you in a negative way so please....let go of that guilt and do what you feel is best for YOU....not anybody else!

God Bless!

Nobody can tell you what the right or wrong experience is in AA, how often you MUST go, or what you need to believe or participate in.

However seeing your last message varies greatly from the first message of this thread. If it's not for you, it's not for you.

I go when I want, when I need it, much like what Callie said, but she's got 8 years more than me. But I know when I need to be at a meeting and nobody has told me I don't come enough, or what I do or don't do in AA is wrong.

It sounds like you want and easier, softer way, and maybe your AA group is trying to save you. That's not up to them. It's up to you. AA isn't for everyone.

I wish you well and don't let negative people get you down about sobriety.

do what works for you. See I could quit but I would always resort to drinking again, relapse is what I kept doing. Until I got honest I was just destined to have to drink. I'm an alcoholic. I need help because alone I have proven time and time again I will relapse. I just need to have the help of other alcoholics or I'm drinking
I don't ever want to go back to 14plus drinks a day. It would kill me I'm sure
1is2many

I keep going because I do not want my misery refunded to me....

I still go because someone was there when I walked through the doors. Had I not had startling results as I went through the 12 Steps, I imagine I'd be dead by now. Good luck in all your endeavors.

Cold roses what you learn from you therapist is almost the same as I learn in dharma class. In certain areas the Buddhist may approach a situation differently, but it is essentially the same a secular therapy.
We have a guy at the dharma group ,who goes to AA. He is constantly grabbed aside at meetings and told that he is wrong. The monk said that his problem is the guys in AA.

For me the idea is to fix myself and do what ever I need to do to solve my problems. It's everyday problems that could lead me to drink. My long term sobriety depends upon me doing something about it This is what you learn in therapy. This is what keeps you sober.

My wife said that I I am a different person, since going to the classes. I was not a happy sober person. I am now.

Sometimes I think our family dynamics , trauma as children or other sets of turmoil I know for me have warranted therapy/spirituality as a learning curve as I moved along sober and I just celebrated 30 years clean and sobarr on the 4th and AA definitely pointed me in the right direction in uncovering my truths that needed tending too. Like minded people are not always warm and fuzzy our are others avoiding their issues because it my be to painful Who2say:))) Getting to know myself gave me permission and the patience to get to know others if it seemed to be a benefit to each of our growing pains:))) Oh but I thought when I first got sober I was suppose to like everyone what a burden that was to unlearn.
Billy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFHwfWJ3Ifg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFHwfWJ3Ifg

Hi there. I am still a bit new to the AA program myself and I fully enjoy it, however I have had a few issues myself about being questioned by other members as to why I missed a meeting or whatever. I'm only 5 1/2 months sober and am currently trying to work my program. Even at the very early start of my sobriety I was going to meetings every single day, and sometimes two. Now I'm almost 6 months sober and there are some days where I miss a meeting also. Even 2-4 days apart, like a meeting on Monday then not attending another until Friday and of course others thought or assumed I went back out, because I hadn't been seen in a meeting for those few days, but just because I didn't make it to a meeting doesn't mean I'm not working my program. I live in a small community of people and those of us who are attending meetings are regulars, so when I wasn't seen at a couple others began talking and from that I learned, I don't have to answer to anyone or explain myself to anyone there. I know the only one I have to answer to is my HP, my sponsor and myself but no one else. One thing I have come to learn about AA and the people in it, is that I nor you should ever have to answer to anyone within the AA fellowship and keep your recovery guarded. Don't allow others to compromise YOUR recovery, your sobriety!
Skipping a meeting to go rollerblading is your choice and your choice alone and the only thing I can say to that, is this, if you didn't drink and your still sober by the end of the day, then you have had a good day because you did not pick up a drink. Just because you miss a meeting doesn't necessarily mean you drank, it just means you felt no need for a meeting that day.

Also, what I have come to learn, if you are being questioned by another AA member afterwards, then maybe you are sharing too much that should only be shared with your therapist instead of in a meeting. I was told by someone once, when sharing at an open meeting, to just give a general statement, keeping it simple and not open myself up to be questioned by others who might be trying to take your inventory. I also have to keep in mind, that when sharing in an open AA meeting, that not everyone who is there in the meeting is there because they want to stay sober, they could be there because of other reasons besides having a desire to stop drinking. When sharing in an open meeting keep in mind, that those who your sharing with, may not even want to be there, they might only be there because they are mandated by the courts or whatever, that's why its important to keep in mind, about sharing in just a general way. Anything else that might be more intimate and personal, save for your therapist, because we are all sick people in different stages of recovery.

I have also come to learn from my own experience, that even if someone has years of sobriety, doesn't mean they are actually working their program, sounds to me like others are taking your inventory and if they are, then they may not be working their program as they should. I don't know, not for me to say, but I do know this, those who have a solid foundation in the AA program are those who are practicing those principals in all of their affairs.
Principals Before Personalities, is one of the AA traditions that should be practiced by members of the fellowship but not everyone is or does. Just something to keep in mind.

For you to choose not to go to AA is all up to you, its your choice, your recovery. Read the big book, read the twelve and twelve, read the literature and do what works for you.

If AA isn't working for you then stop going to it. Find what does work for you.

I have been happily sober for years without AA. I checked it out and it was not helpful to me.

Getting sober isn't about AA or working a program. You are finding the things that work for YOU. Do those things. Don't go to meetings because other people pressure you to! Do the things that work.

12 step, therapy,self help books as well as spiritual books helped me to get sober. I'm happy and grateful to be sober and accept the fact that I can't have " just one drink ''.If there is someone who needs help I'm willing to help.I rarely go to meetings anymore.
End of story.