Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I have vowed to have a dry August. I was losing it last week, and many people reached out to me with solid advice. I felt I wasn't alone in my fight. It felt good.
Soooo.... today I want to talk about my addiction's best friend: gambling. I have been sober in August, but managed to gamble away the water bill in what is already a precarious financial situation. I'm sure many of you can relate, you bop one addiction on the head, another springs forth to fill in. in my case, I will argue that alcoholism & compulsive gambling are the same demon in a different suit. They both come with seductive commercials, like Mila Kunis will hang with you while getting ripped on Jack as long as you pay top shelf. Gambling rackets love billboards of the perfect gambler in the slick threads chuckling over their big wins, you're already driving just go 3 hours this way and try your luck.
My emotional crutch with alcohol is about escapism and hopelessness that I can ever make it out of poverty. My marriage can be pretty toxic, as right now I am being screamed at over whose fault it is that he picked up a coffee table, threw it down where the corner nailed my knee, over our teen son telling him to fuck off. It was my fault bc I didn't jump to his immediate defense. He is in such a rage that he continues to yell at me while standing at the sink doing dishes. That's his style: do something sweet while still being an asshole. If I ask he shut it down, it incites him further. Now I am angry that my 45 year old skeleton is limping up the stairs, and he feels dumping all his anger on me proves he is right.
I want to drink over this shit, I will say. I want to punish him for his behavior by exhibiting worse behavior, up the ante. That ain't a healthy marriage. no it ain't.
Thing is, I believe in my marriage. We want to travel to Croatia & Bosnia, we have been rebuilding a camper. We have been together decades. We are in each other's head continuously, just a psycho relationship that is mostly creative but sometimes just blows up. You'd think we'd be mature by now.
Whatever the malfunction, the truth of my addiction brain is that it is looking for excuses to justify the behavior. My brain needs to stop sabotaging me. I guess I will start {continue} compulsively online shopping. Maybe my hoard can achive epic status & happiness will be at the top of my mountain of stuff.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
When I read this, it reminded me of that. Everything you just wrote is a call for Love!
We will keep you in our thoughts and Prayers....
God Bless
There are people who don't drink, there are people who don't gamble, so you brain commanding that you must, or that it will help, might be wrong, and in my case, it might be wrong ALL THE TIME.
That is why checking what I am thinking with friends in recovery, a God who loves me and I understand, and surveying my behavior to see if it is selfish, dishonest, or fear based works wonders, and I no longer have to act or behave as a psycho does.
I used to be creme a la creme in the psycho department, and any relationship I entered into was dysfunctional and so drama driven it was exhausting, and yes, drinking helped, a bit, until it made things way worse.
I would commit to AA, and do their steps, so you can experience some normalcy, and build a plan on how to become sane, if your mind is giving you insanity driven commands.
Just a suggestion.
You post reminds me so of myself about 22 years ago. I wanted to quit so badly. Every morning I would pray "Please God, don't let me drink today." Only to pick up a drink by noon or so. And every night, I would pray, full of remorse, asking God again to help me no drink. This cycle repeated itself literally every day until I surrendered.
But by then, I had lost my marriage, my children, been sexually assaulted, totaled my car, been convicted of DWI, attempted suicide and committed myself to a psychiatric hospital. All in the space of about 4 months.
Then I finally realized that my best thinking (thinking that I could solve this problem by myself) was completely warped!! I was ready to ask for help from people who had once been exactly where I was. Not my family and friends (who had despaired over me for a long time), not psych or medical doctors (even though my stay at the psych ward resulted in the diagnose of bipolar disorder - apparently I was self-medicating with booze), not rehab centers with the acupuncture and massages. But a room full of strangers who were no sober.
I figured if these guys could get beat their demons and get sober, I could to. So I listened to them, did what they suggested I do, and I got sober. And have stayed sober for quite a long time now.
One thing I remember when I was craving the booze and was driven to drink, was to pray "God, please remove this obsession". Then I would tell myself that if I still really wanted to drink, I could drink tomorrow. I never found the need to "drink tomorrow".
I hope you find the help you need.