I feel like alcoholics are a lonely group so they like a community. I will drink alone and crash anyone's table. I am Bill Murray, who stole someone's fry at Wendys because he can,  and not actually Bill Murray. I live for the transient bathroom connection between girls when suddenly you are pure & innocent & they are the best friend you never had.

I had one of those nights and got a real bestie out of it. Thing is, so often I've found that so many of my female friendships were forged over booze. Even the ladies who wine luncheon, they are there to drop the bs and let it out. They are there for that little window of freedom that gives you a pass to be honest. This is the real dirt, not the glosses over dirt i am pushing on my feed or whatever.

I love the series Dead to Me. Applegate & Cardellini have this bond that also spins around a lot of wine. I feel they are masters in their craft in this show, but the emotional masochist of Linda to Christina's power suit who will not let the wall fall.. addictive.

There it is: there's truth to that relationship because we've all been there. In this case there's a dark secret driving their destruction. It's also hard for me to watch bc it triggers me. I want that absurdly tall ass glass that like 6 kittens could fit inside but this shows the world i am a fancy wine drinker.

I am not suggesting that all my time with friends is about boozing. I have one friend, however, that magical shit seems to happen when we drink together. It was like Witches of Eastwick or something, like why do I need another piece to this energy? There must be a third. Other people have witnessed it. It's like a whole performance has been tripped by some sacred chant and suddenly wtf is happening?

I digress. So i like that bond of basically bitching about dudes while buzzed. They bitch about me to my face, so i can do it behind their backs.

Can i bitch sober? Sure. Everyone i know would certainly validate that. 

Is it as much fun? No. Of course not. But sometimes the thrill ride is for the people who can handle it. Keep your legs and arms inside the cart at all times.

I have had friends that are just not drinkers. I will say my time is consumed with keeping this ship from sinking, as we're taking on water, then gallivanting around with them. I have noticed about myself that if my initial bond with a person includes boozing that my mind will go there automatically when we hang.

It is a dangerous thing for me to have a boozy buddy. I am so vulnerable in my sobriety that I do not defend it with any conviction. They may not want to drink, but as i am domineering will find a way to bend them into making them believe it's a good idea. That's my inner saboteur. 

I am grateful for another morning sober. I am gonna make my coffee and drink it from a monster mug..