I'm drinking champagne..

The last time I got drunk which was 11/2, I had opened a bottle of champagne and I think drank a glass - but maybe not.

Anyway, my wife is away and she called me, pissed off at her family (too much to get into that deal). She was at a bar where she'd had dinner with them and was fairly intoxicated because of the typical BS that occurs with her family.

I got off the phone with her and remembered the open bottle of champagne - I had hidden it from her after I opened it on 11/2.

I poured myself a glass and now I'm on my second.

I hate myself for not being able to control my urges.. but I also feel like there is some hypocrisy with my wife. Okay maybe that's not fair.. she doesn't drink and get drunk as often as I did (or still do?).

I went 9 days without alcohol. The last time I tried this I went 11 days.

I want to get up early and video tape the sunrise because of the temperature change it should be beautiful and I might still do that. And if I finish the bottle and put it in the recyclables she'll never know I drank while she was away..

But you all will.. and this is why I joined this group.. I have to be honest with someone.. it should be my wife but the guilt of telling her what I've done is sometimes too much.. so I'm telling you all instead.

I realize tomorrow is "Day 0" once again.

As Doug on House of Cards said "fuck the zero"

I may or may not confess to my wife when she returns but at least I'm being honest with you all.

I feel "good" now, but tomorrow, I won't and I'll be regretting this and I"ll probably post here about my regret.

I want to record all of this now to remind myself - and all of you - that I know I've fucked up. I know I've blown it, I know I'm starting over tomorrow.

But I can't say honestly that posting this won't prevent me from getting another glass when this one is done and finishing that bottle before I fall asleep.

How do you all do it? How do you resist the urge?

If my wife were home I wouldn't do it because she'd call me on it.. but she's away and she travels occasionally for work so there will be times when I'm alone with no one to watch over me.

I had a craving last night butt I got over it - I occupied myself with stuff I wanted to get done. Tonight I was doing chores around the house and then she called, and she was drunk and when we got off the phone it made me want a drink.

My wife has a glass or two of wine with dinner and that's it - but when she is around her dysfunctional family she drinks more.. and so do I .. or at least I did.

I once got so drunk at her mother's house I passed out, and then woke up long enough to say to her mother "Your son is a piece of shit" and then I walked out of the house (still drunk) and went back to sleep in our car.

We usually spend Christmas Eve with her family - which is actually just her mother and brother (unfortunately her father passed away before she and I met). I have been good most years as far as not drinking too much because I don't want to have a repeat of the episode I described above but I also don't understand why she still wants to go there. It's always uncomfortable and I hate being there.

I'm not blaming my wife and her family dynamic for my drinking tonight.. I was craving since yesterday and hearing her bitch about her family while being intoxicated made me crave it even more.

I know I'm rambling.. I'm sorry..

I feel like you are all my therapists..

I've failed again, and tomorrow I start over.

I'm sorry.

Rich