Hi, I just felt like writing, because it's been 6 years today since I had a drink. (or several.) I had a fantastic night. Went to an AA meeting, and my old sponsor was there with a cake for me. It was a great meeting anyhow. Me and my old sponsor then went to a cafe for a while.
I just can't believe how life can change. 6 years and 2 weeks ago, I was sober and obsessed with getting alcohol back in my life. I only really lost control of my drinking when I was 27. I thought (6 years ago), 'well, i was just a nice girl at 27, having a rough trot. That's why i lost control of my drinking - it was an aberration.'
My obsession was to drink again like when I was younger. 6 to 9 drinks a night, sometimes more, no blackouts, no personality change, getting on with life in some fashion.
So, off i went, drinking again. I didn't drink huge amounts, but i did drink heavily. I loved the effect, as usual. But the next day, I'd feel sick and devoid of spirit. I felt I had absolutely nothing to live for, except drunkenness. And, I knew it could get a whole lot worse.
I never stopped doing meetings, and after 10 days of drinking I was at a meeting. Halfway through, I felt the desire to live a simple, sober life. I drank again the next night, but put it down after that.
I was so mixed up!
It wasn't until I was 18 months sober, that I prayed to god about my constant denial about being alcoholic. The denial was removed, and there was this automatic giving in to being alcoholic. An acceptance that alcohol is no longer an option.
So now it's 6 years, and I'm really happpy to still be sober. It's so worth it, to go through the good, bad and other feelings without picking up. I wouldn't be sober if it wasn't for AA and NA, that's for sure.
My old sponsor, that I had dinner with tonight, is now a good friend. Anyone who's having a struggle or feeling tempted to go back out there, hang in there it's worth it.