Alcohol was what I used to escape controling people, I have decided now to fight. The more Ii learn to stand up for myself, the less I want to drink. Have a good day too all!

well i hate to break this to you all but i was not talking about a sponser at all. i mean why do i need someone like that telling me how to eatr, breathe, shit, sit, walk, talk, think, etc etc. i am not a robot that can be programmed here. i am a human being who if the advice is good will take suggestions rather then tell me, do this or you will drink again. i know inside my head and heart, if i want a beer i will go buy it, plain and simple. having someone put me on a leash and drag me around isnt my idea of a good time nor being sober. how about this, i was clean for 7 months before and i did things the way i wanted too. there was no individual sitting there telling me, "you better not do that" who the fuck are they to tell me anything? if they are just as sick as i am, shouldnt they be worried about themselves first? i was self centered and selfish when i drank and i will be the same when i am sober. if i do not worry about myself then i will just end up a worthless piece of trash. that is NOT going to heppen to me, EVER!!!!!!

Sounds like you have the courage and strength to be sober without a sponsor or program - you should be proud of that. To be honest, on any given day, I will encounter someone who will give me advice and it could be something I already know, but I listen anyhow and go my way! I am extremely private, and once in a while someone will press me - where do I live? I tell them the town. They then want to know exactly where in that town - I am shocked. I never answered but was offended by the question.

I have learned to walk away or look away if I am in a group - some questions do not deserve an answer - and, silence can be the best answer.

There are a lot of great people on this site - full of humor and advice if you want it. I have learned a lot.

You sound so angry and I used to get angry like that when I was scared - I don't know if it's the same for you.

So I'd like to share my experience with you if you'll have it.

Ok, so first of all, I got sober in AA and being in AA gives no one the right to tell you what to do, but they may suggest things to you because they have some experience of being sober. I never tell the people that I sponsor what to do, but I do suggest things to them and encourage them to find the answers for themselves.

People in AA are all at various stages of recovery and sometimes people get soi excited to have found something that helps them, they just want to give it away, some righteous sobs who just want to be wise, and then there are those who just try to help in the best way they can but they do all have one thing in common - they want to help you (even if you don't care that much for it anyway)! :-)

Maybe you could post about what it is you are looking for here so that maybe people will realise that you do not want to hear what they say. remember you can block people so that you don't have to read their nonsense.

All I can say to you is that I will always try to help where I can and so feel free to check me out. If not then I hope you do find someone here that you can trust enough to listen to or share with.

You are right that no one has the right to tell you what to do (and I understand that because I always wanted to do the opposite just to be bloody-minded) but make sure when you sift through the posts yo find the small gem that may be in the s**t that you want to be rid of. I hope things go well for you

Best wishes

Lyn x

ok first off i dont want people here to add me as a friend, i have tried that garbage since i joined and each time i never heard from any of them. even when i sent them encouraging messages when i noticed they were having a rough go at it. that to me is a major slap in the face, why am i wasting my time sending out poitive messages? when i am in crisis i never hear a god damn thing from any of them, so seriously screw them all. it is just like it has always been in my life and continues on. people dont care about others, espeically new people because us new people are not worthy to be part of some moronic clique. i swear if i had my money right now i would be getting drunk off my ass, thats all i want. all i get is rejection, hate, people pissing vinegar at me all the time. all i want to do right now is get drunk and then find the first piece of trash i hate in this city and beat them down with a empty vodka bottle until they are bleeding to death. they dont deserve to have a good life when i am suffering here. anger is my only friend, at least it doesnt yell at me, or let me down. it gives me power to hurt others who deserve it. i know this website is most likely through with me after this post. its ok, i know that i am a worthless piece of shit and unworthy of having a better life.

What is it that you are looking for from this support group keepitsimple?

You've said before that people are selfish and nobody will help you, and now you're angry because the people that are reaching out to help you aren't doing it "right?"

You can play the wounded, misunderstood, sensitive, suprerior soul as long as you want, and while you put your energy there, your alcoholism will keep getting deeper, darker and more dangerous.

And I think really, the only people being "forced" are those in the saddest situations in third world countries, and I bet all of them would cut off a hand to be in your place and have your problems.

yup so i scream and scream for help and because i dont type it as how they would accept it i am ridiculed once again. what is the god damn point of trying when people only want to put you down. am i worth anything, because this website doesnt make me feel worthy. is this place just one huge clique? i guess i dont fit in since i am speaking my mind, i thought that is what people wanted? honest truth? i guess i should just lie and tell everyone how wonderful things are like butterflies and bunnies huh? when will people see suffering when it is put out there in plain sight? how much longer until somone thinks, my goodness, this poor soul needs help. i guess its not here because all this time i have reached out all i get is rejection and hate

Simple, my first thought on reading your anger is yes, you need help. An internet support group can offer friendship and support, information and guidance, but none of it will help if you don't help yourself. Did you read any of the advice that was given? Did you read Serenity's reply where she shared a little with you and offered something which you could try differently with posting? Or are you focussed solely on the negative and feeding from that instead of trying some of what may help you. There's many here who also have fears and anger and who are not in a good place at the moment. Perhaps you reached out to someone and they couldn't reply because they're not use to someone doing that. Perhaps they're not on the computer today, or this week.

That you sent them a hug may have been just enough to make a difference to their day. What a shame you made it all about you.

Hi Keep, following up on CoogieMom about the anger - I don't know how to advise you do what I'm going to share about myself - but stopping has made all the difference in my life. It does not happen over night.
Somewhere in my teen years - I did a 180 degree - and my behavior put me in bad situations that ultimately resulted in something really awful happening to me. I held contempt for this person for years, decades probably. The only thing this did was keep me captive and victimized. In my case, somehow, I chose to forgive this person, and not let his actions keep me in the victim mode. There are sayings that go along with this and they are true - in the case of health - you are what you eat, in the case of mental balance - you are what you think. If you can find a way to banquish the negative thoughts from your mind and replace them with something pleasing to you - maybe that will help. One exercise that a friend told me about is to write down at least 10 things per day that make you happy (ie - flowers, the smell of baking break, floating down a stream) and call on these things when those nasty thoughts come in. I use this technique still today when I have to cringe over something I did (usually drunk) in my past.
On the friend note, I've had folks friend me on here after I've posted something, and not heard anything. But, I feel that they probably friended me as they related to something I wrote, and that if I reached out with a question in an email (I don't know what pm is, and maybe don't want to - I don't text on the phone if that's what it is), that they would answer (I have e'd and heard replies).
I hope you can find happiness - it sure does make sobriety alot easier.

That you sent them a hug may have been just enough to make a difference to their day. What a shame you made it all about you.

here we go again with the, your a bad person response. dont tell me this isnt the message they are trying to send, because they are.

your answer doesnt lie in anyone on this site. your answer lies in u. carl jung said the only people he had seen recover from addiction had had a spiritual awakening. i was in an out patient(court ordered) treatment class one day and in front of the class i asked the instructor(young) " arent we looking at the fact that we all have a death wish?". she was stumped. ignored my question and moved on. ive found that some people have much to offer me and others not so much. i had another instructor ( old guy who had experience with addiction) tell me " if u r not happier sober than u were drunk, u will never stay sober". that made sense to me. i try to let my actions speak for me. words r just words. speaking as someone who just lost almost 7yrs sobriety due to my arrogance regarding pain pills i just pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. i believe its the quality of sobriety not the quantity. if someone doesnt like it they can " kiss my black irish arse"