I can relate. I tried hundreds of times to stay sober and I failed each time to put together a string of sober days. I had to change my game plan..

Many have had success in keeping a journal, by posting every day, sometimes several times a day, especially when they get a craving. That way, you can investigate your innermost feelings and figure out exactly what is triggering your cravings and if you don't want others to read it, you can set it to private so that only you can read it.

I don't know how many times, I went back and read through my older journals and I would begin to see a pattern developing which had alot to do with the job I was doing at the time so I quit my job to save my sobriety and found something I liked alot better.

When we do that kind of inner work on ourselves, good things begin to happen in our lives, but if we just keep hiding those parts of us that are in need of healing then you can see the end result with this post. You can't keep sweeping things under the rug.

Some people drink because of some past trauma that they have buried for years and are afraid to look at it, It needs to be acknowledged before you can let it go. If that's the case then it is best not to do it alone. There are addiction counselors who can help with that. There is also AA where you can get a sponsor who can guide you through the steps.

Good luck going forward. We will have to try a little harder and do a few things differently if we want to stay sober this time.

God Bless

You're not alone. I'm sure all of us here can relate. I know I can. The times I relapsed were some of the darkest days of my life. What helped me finally not to do it again was to really think about that awful feeling when the urge to drink would get stronger. I still do that. I know for a fact I would be so very disappointed in myself and I don't want to feel that way. So I use it to help keep me away from alcohol. Fitness has also been a huge part of my recovery. I'd recommend starting up a fitness routine if you haven't already,or even just get out for a walk every day. It helps to stay active because it makes you focus more on being healthy and improving yourself.
Stay strong. This feeling won't last forever. Allow yourself to feel it for today and then tomorrow start fresh. It's a new day for you to make better choices and to be proud of yourself. You can do it.

Thank you guys! When I was 32 I went to a psychiatrist and he asked me if my father was an alcoholic. My parents never drank. I was puzzled and asked why. He said that I had the syndrome of a child from an alcoholic parent. My father had bad depression and anxiety. I felt very lonely as a child and it kind of lingered into adulthood.
My family would go to my grandmothers house every Saturday to eat and she always gave us a small glass of vermouth.... Bad bad bad… You never know who has the brain wired for addiction. I started drinking probably at 13 but by 15 I was getting drunk every weekend. Then I went to college at 17 and going out and drinking was an extremely fun thing to do. At 23 I got my first full time job(I always worked since I was a child). I remember going out on a Sunday and I had to call in sick the next day. It happened a month later and that is when I decided I would never drink during the week again. I was very disciplined as I did not want to loose my job. But believe me Friday night after work I would go buy a six pack. My dr said I was a problem drinker, not an alcoholic. Fast forward, got a divorce, my sister passed away from a brain tumor and my dad had kidney cancer. One of my coworkers would come over and drink and he said just take a couple of sips of wine. I was semi okay but at 44 I quit my job and started drinking all the time and other things. I checked my self into rehab and checked myself out 5 days later. The worst decision I ever made. I needed that therapy. I quit drinking for a few years(I think it was the subotex for PKs) but their are studies showing that drug helps people stop drinking. I pulled myself off that a year later and I still remember drinking a beer. Few months later I was drinking big time. I got a job as a financial advisor on commission. Hard thing to do. I would go to work for a few hours then hit the liquor store and buy a bottle of tequila(yuck). I am sure I damaged my body. Anyways got another job and became so discouraged that when I was driving to work I would stop, call in sick and headed to the liquor store. I quit that job by sending a text.... So fast forward it has been 13 months now that I can not get employed. Very discouraging as working is the basis of my life. I love to work. Now a positive thing I spend many days all day at the shelter walking dogs. Its kind of hard on the heart as I am very sensitive to animals. But that is one of my favorite things to do. Their has been heat advisories here for the last week, but I still go as I stay sober that way. The dogs are more important to me than the booze.
So one thing I know for sure, if you stop drinking and then go back, you go back with a vengeance and it can be really bad.
Big old sigh.... I already feel better! Love you all!

The mistake I use to make when I first quit.... was brooding over my past. All that was doing is triggering me. It was much later on in my sobriety that I learned, those things came up for a reason. They needed healing before I could let them go for good.

I remember when I had a very bad addiction to narcotics that nearly took my life. I went into detox for 5 days and the counselors there wanted to admit me to the 3 week IOP but I didn't go and I regretted that.. My spiritual lessons teach me that those negative emotions, like the resentment over missing out on the first iop, are energy that makes a mark on your soul. ..kinda like when something goes awry in your car and it makes a mark in the car's computer which triggers a warning light to turn on in the dash. That's the way I perceive it. My warning light was the emotional pain I was feeling over those resentments which made me want to drink to numb that pain.....Follow me?

When I forgave myself over those resentments and then forgave myself for holding on to all that guilt for so long and then accepted things the way they were......, THEN things began to get better. But not right away.

When I couldn't find anymore pills, I started drinking but my binge drinking only lasted for a year before I sought help. 4 days in detox was followed by a 3 week IOP which I did not turn down! My counselors knew exactly what my underlying issues were and they knew exactly how to treat it!

I was ready to do everything it took to stay sober so I did everything my counselors suggested I do. After the IOP I was referred for 3 months of once a week group counseling and throughout all of it, regular attendance at AA meetings were a requirement. .That was 11 years ago and today I have a great life and I have never been happier.

I have discovered that the greatest teacher I ever had was life itself! I had to have more suffering before I was willing to get emotionally healthier. Finally, I reached a point where I had enough. I just couldn't do it anymore.. So I asked for help which was the best thing I ever did!

God Bless

There needs to be a replacement for the booze. I found new friends and stopped going in slippery places. Bars... life is waiting, go get it!
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Hi Nono I hope your putting forth an effort this week to work on yourself. If not you then who? What bob wrote about repeating our suffering till we finally learn is very important. The amazing shift in mindset comes when we say, I’ve had enough of this!!! Until we do we will go around and around. Stop the ride and just get off. The sensation is like being on a ship for awhile then getting on land. Be patient and firm with yourself as you adjust to walking on firm ground. What you opened with is worth exploring: ‘as expected......’ look at that closely and see if you can expect a different outcome. Want a different one.

Good morning to all! I am repeating in my mind the serenity prayer. My family which is my 2 sisters and mother are very nice people but are very toxic. I spend too much time with my mother which is very controlling and narcissist. I will not talk to my sisters until I am stronger, and I wish I could get away from my mother but I worry about her being alone. My dr. told me last year that I am codependent. Always thought since I was a child, that I had to take care of her. Its time for me to take care of only myself. Things are not going to change with her and I need to know that.
I do not go to bars, my drinking would start in the morning when I would wake up and feel terrible discouragement and depression. So I drank all alone, isolating myself and wanting to go back to sleep to escape life. No more.
Finallyawake, after looking at the title of my post since I wrote it, I regretted it. It is not expected! Alcohol sux and I do not want to waste away in it.

Good news, I just accepted a job offer and I am thrilled. It is 100% commission but it will give me something to do that I am passionate about. It's not going to be an easy ride but at least I will be employed. And I am going to be the driver here, hard work will pay off.
On another note.... I need help in dealing with my ex husband that keeps calling me and my family after 23 years of being divorced. Yes 23 years. My mother and sister talk to him and when I tell them I do not want to talk to him anymore, they tell me "oh poor thing, it doesn't cost you anything to talk to him". It irritates me!!!!!!

Wow, 23 years? That’s some kind of attachment. I’ve been with my wife for 28 years and we know that if we ever separated we would still be in each other’s lives. Of course, if she needed space I would respect that. But that’s me now, with some time in active recovery where I feel whole. A couple of years ago I wouldn’t have been able to say that
Congrats on your job!
Family is tricky. It’s been two years since I lost my mom to alcohol. My father is a good person but is very judgmental. It’s been a strained relationship for a long time until recently. I have been practicing patience and compassion with him and have learned a lot about myself in the process. Turns out in accepting him the way he is has helped me understand why I am the way I am. Some things that I didn’t want to see, but now am thankful for the insight. Keep peace in your heart and heal.
I have regretted some things I have written here in the last year also. But maybe there are no mistakes? It all becomes food for thought. I like that I feel that I can check my ego at the door here. Cause when I am open and honest what can hurt me?

Hi Nomo! I can relate to the issues of not wanting to open up and talk about yourself. My life was very tangled for a long time. In the untangling process I discovered that one of my key triggers that was leading me to hide (drink) from my life was codependency. Early in my sobriety, I did not focus on the alcohol, instead I focused on me. I explored my emotions one on one with a counselor. For me, focusing on myself and my codependency issues made it much easier to stop drinking and begin to move on with life without feeling like I needed a drink. Not the normal method for most, but it worked for me. Finding someone to talk to that can help you with yourself is so powerful and healing. It sounds like you are strong and determined, and that others rely on you. Learn about healthy boundaries and would venture a guess that your life will begin to change in some unexpected ways. God bless!