Ditto to getting the giggle back. Kinda nice, huh?

Yep, the giggles are back. Three years ago I was truly unhappy with myself and my life. Tried to end it twice. Thank God I didn't succeed! Now I love life again! Still have life's ups and downs, but nothing near what it use to be. That's what sobriety has done for me!!!!

I struggled with the ending of life thinking many many times in my life...when I was drinking I was also taking a sleeping pill prescription...It was the last time I tried to end my life....I was drinking lots of bourbon and 7up and taking many many sleeping pills...wake up drink more take more pills...I went into hospital at that time...ended a job shortly there after that was stressing me beyond my abilities even though it was my first teaching job in school where I had done my student teaching.

I now struggle with the will to live...not the desire to end my life....the will to live is different...I do not want to end my life but the will to live my life is ended in thoughts of ending my life...which I refuse to ever attempt again....it occurs in sobriety folks...it is not a good feeling...it is the result of deep depression.....I have suffered this from my late teens early 20s...I think it is important to know that the sobriety keeps me from taking any actions in those thoughts....my first sponsor told me that the first thought I am not responsible for....if I romance it, buy it dinner, take it out dancing and then to bed with me then I am doing things wrongly. Entertaining my thoughts will kill me....letting them go keeps on being my saving and way of life.

I love not having to think about alcohol!!!! But actually, I often drank to keep me from committing suicide!!! And I have to keep fighting the desire to end it all, as I'm Bipolar and that's just one of the ways it affects me. Not too often, thank God!!!! I didn't know I was Bipolar when I was drinking, so mainly I was using it to self medicate.
I so prefer being sober to drinking!!!!!! Stopping drinking freed me up to actually live my life!!!! Which I try my best to do!!!

Bill-
That is such a sad statement to hear:
The will to live is ended with the will to end your life? I don't understand, my friend.
Perhaps we just want to know what really happens to us when we die. That's not so sick. For thousands of years living beings have tried to figure that one out.
I don't know why they waste their efforts.
We all know we don't know.
That's what Faith is all about.
And if you obey God, let God take the consequences. Couldn't be wrong going on the path of, of, of: God

I recently went to a memorial for a good friend who successfully ended his life. He was loved by SO MANY people! I swear the whole county was there ... I waited over an hour in line before I could hug his folks. He was a horse riding friend of mine that I met about 12 years ago. Since then, after his 4th DWI, he was put on house arrest and ordered to go to AA for a year. He did go for a year. He got his 1 yr. medallion and never went back.

I saw him on horse rides. I thought he had it all together. He was a popular guy - quiet but respected. Not one to try to get attention.

At the memorial, they said that he wrote an apology note to his folks (really nice friendly couple) that he was sorry, but he just felt so alone. That he felt different evere since high school (he died at the age of 51).

Yep. Untreated alcoholism.

That is terrifying Whadady. I know I have a problem. I have been battling it for 8 years. Only last night did I tell someone that I felt truly alone. I know it is responsible for so many problems in my life. I am responsible for doing it. It krept up on me and when I realised it, was too late. Been trying everything. I manage to go without for weeks at a time now, but I can only manage that with a secret promise to myself that if things get tough I can do it. Then it begins again and I do it for a few days (well, evenings as I dont do it during the daytime). I don't know where to start to fix this as Ive been down so many roads & each one leads to the same result - I think I can do it alone.
From a very ashamed dependent.

The good thing is that when I get an unhappy day today I know I need to put some action in.

It really is optional to live in misery.

It is also possible that when you quit drinking you find you are still depressed, perhaps even suicidal. That doesn't mean that you fail at being sober.

Depression is real, just like alcoholism is real, and needs to be treated as well.

One of the most depressing things in my early sobriety was to realize how much I had lowered my standards of happiness as my alcoholism had progressed. Learning new ways to find meaning and vitality took a lot of time and effort, and personally I can't think of anything that's more depressing than work.. Not only has contentment in sobriety been an acquired taste, but I've had to give up some of my most cherished values and ideals in order to achieve it. As my sponsor liked to say, if you want to make an omelet, you're gonna have to break some eggs.

BBH....your statement is awesome!: "Recently talking with others over the STILL LONELINESS aspects of recovery and WHEN is this gonna STOP, most already know the answer.
I have gratitude for the fact that action I take to ensure some sense of belonging still works and saves my ass at times when I get those thoughts once again that I am not worth saving! Very dangerous place to be when I am sitting alone without others of likeness." ...... Just wonderful, perfect, great. Thank you. I don't know that I have ever heard it put that way. That's what is still in my head. The sad fact is (what I still think about unfortunately) that we have a choice as to whether to live our life or to take it. Some days my kids keep me on the planet, but lately, with AA, I also have a huge group to go and visit who understand that feeling, and they keep me on the planet, yep. That is why I try my best to tolerate everyone's comments about taking their life, whether they are serious or not. Even if I seem to 'make light' of it, it's not what I mean to do.....SIGH!

I have come to understand that feelings and emotions are neither good nor bad they just are.

Weyaaaallll now, I just don't rightly know about that one....nope. Some 'feelings' I have are worse than touching a hot burner on the stove, sooooo, yep, I'd say they are bad.

AND No.... I do not speak that way....lol...but I can, if ya like!

What I wanted more than anything was to just feel comfortable in my own skin. Not the roller coaster of exaggerated emotions plagueing me constantly.

Just because every day isn't like skipping through the tulips, doesn't mean it's not a good day. Through time, I learned to feel negative emotions rather than running from them. They do pass.

I'm with Greg. Our feelings aren't good or bad: they just ARE.

And laughter is mandatory for those of us who have walked through the fire. Waddya know? Life really is not that vale of tears that I thought it once was. Happiness is overrated, IMO. Contentment with all in my life is where it's at for me. Peace of mind: Priceless!