One other comment. I also thought I would become boring. When I had a few drinks I was so much more social -- laughing, fun, silly, great to be around!

Or so I thought. Since I quit I see it a little differently. Now when I go out I see people drinking I see what really happens. Yeah, I thought I was a great story teller, witty and knowledgeable. Now I recognize what I really was -- loud, obnoxious, laughing too loud, full of shit.

It is refreshing to not feel like I have to be the "life of the party." I enjoy myself much more, and I suspect I am more fun to be around too.

I would also recommend trying AA. They have literally saved my life! Today I look forward to my meetings. I can definitely relate to what you have mentioned about missing portions of your evening, and feeling bad about your husband and kids. My wife has been going to Al-Anon and it has really been helpful to her understanding my condition. Regular people cannot understand what we go through. My wife always thought that it was a lack of love on my part that kept me drinking. That was not the case, and I'm sure it isn't in your situation either. Go talk to some people that understand what you are feeling, you will be glad you did. Let us know how things are going for you, and good luck!!

I was sober for 11 yrs and relapsed. It was the best most fun and least frightening time of my life. I too then didnt have a rock bottom. I wasnt afraid because I was pretty sick. There is nothing to be scared of 1 day or one hour or even one minuete at a time sweetie. Small steps. You are overprojecting things that have not happened yet. You dont know yet. You are you. Alcohol is something you drink.. You may be a mess for a bit or you may not but you are still going to be you. Strength has nothing to do with it thats why we all have support. Go online and find the nearest AA Central office and get resources I dont know where you live. Live meetings are best but if you cant then they have them online. I actually do live so remotely that live meetings are a challenge but when I was sober at first in LA I went every day and I loved it. And you are lucky that nothing has ever happend to you very. This second round I did not get that luck I lost everything went nuts put myself in mortal danger, got a dui. comitted a crime and I was a high level 6 fig corp exec currenty living in bum fuck nowhere in a trailer so it can get worse trust me..And that took 13 years to accomplish after I slipped after the original 11. The idea is if you want to drink call first I will private msg you my # use it.

Hi loveface and welcome!

We who have been sober for a number of years have been where you're at. I woke up every night about 3am filled with guilt, regret and shame. I would resolve to never drink again yet would find myself pouring a drink the next day as if on autopilot and once the drink was poured well, can't waste good booze so there I was again, off and runnin'.

I stopped when my fear of the KNOWN was greater than my fear of the unknown. I had reached that place of desperation that made me willing to do anything to stop the nightmare.

I ended up in treatment for 5 days. During that time, I was introduced to AA and the 12 Steps. I totally identified with them. I haven't had to drink for a while thanks to those 12 Steps.

I hope you make that leap of faith and walk out onto that limb. If it turns out that AA is not for you, there are many other programs out there and some of their members post here to.

Trust me as one alcoholic to another. There is life after drinking. Actually a life worth living. My recovery helped to heal my family and introduced myself to me. Godspeed on your journey. We always keep the light on around here.

BTW, I never had a DUI, lost the kids, house, etc. I lost the most important thing......me.

Dear Loveface,
Good for you, you want to quit! A.A. works for about 90% of the people that try it and there are other alternatives if that route does not work for you. Check your phone book and call any meeting anywhere and they will find the closest group to you.
For your fears, Quitting drinking does not change your personality one bit. If your outgoing, you will gradually return to that. But if by the end of the evening your starting to scare yourself then thank God, you have just been given a warning about where this could go. Don't worry about the inner strength, it will be there when you need it. Eric

I watched my father stop drinking and live 23 years more sober -socializing, serving liquor in his home and traveling all over the world thanks to AA. It is still a miracle to me - our family had tried everything.

Over 3 years ago I met a man at mutual friends' home - we dated (all of us living in the same development) and since he had another home in PA, I didn't know he was a nonstop drinker - he hid it well when he was in MD! One morning, while I was making breakfast, I noticed a beer on his place mat! I should have gotten my things and left but I didn't. I thought I could get him to recognize his problem and quit - I tried everything except pick him up and take him to AA!

He now drinks almost every hour he is awake. The neighbors don't know how bad the problem is - our yacht club doesn't know - just me, and I can tell you, once you are hooked, it is a desire and need that blocks out everything else.

I don't drink, so I am aware of every drink he has! Please stop before you need to drink. Your family is too precious. You have a great life ahead of you - be sober to enjoy every bit of it.

I feel so thankful to have strangers give me so much information! I appreciate the stories- the things everyone has gone through, what people are going through, what to expect and most importantly to be hopefully! Having the response I've gotten is staying in my head. I have not had a drink since Sunday. I know it's still so early in my journey but I can feel my strength already. Having really said outloud "I'M AN ALCOHOLIC" has lifted a weight off my shoulder. I KNOW I CANNOT have another sip. Everyone around me will have to accept it and get over it.

Last night the kids were acting up BAD and that is when I would've poured myself my liquid therapy. I chose not to and I'm awake this morning and feel so proud that I did not drink last night. Only a seltzer water.

I'm planning on going to my first AA meeting tonight. It's going to be hard to manage my husband trying to get home in time for the kids and still having to play taxi with a couple of the other kids, but I'm planning on being there.

I love the support. Thank you everyone!

Dear Love,
Someone with alcoholism is really allergic to alcohol. Our bodies do not break it down as it should. Thinking of it this way really helped me in my efforts to quit and now I have over a decade clean and sober. Eric

...glad that you have not had a drink since Sunday, that is something to be proud of, especially since you said you drink non stop. There really is more to life than being a slave to alcohol.

How was the meeting, please let us know.

Good morning DS family!

For those who have been following along with the string of replies, I want to say again THANK YOU for your input and encouragement. It really does give me comfort to hear so many people who have gone through this. It does make me feel more "normal" and not a failure.

Last night I was a bit anxious to attend my first meeting. I even text my husband saying "I wish I could have a drink before I go to my AA meeting". As bad as that sounds, that is what this disease does. It takes over your mind making you feel like you HAVE to drink to live. Of course I did not. I definitely thought about it. Stopping at a bar and having a couple shots, but I can't and I won't. I was very emotional going in and once I left. While being there I really enjoyed listening to everyone speak. I loved seeing how everyone had so much love and support for eachother. Everyone was so friendly and helpful! There was a gentlemen there celebrating 25 years of sobriety. There were a couple other people there for the 1st time. There were people who were sober for 8 months, 2 months, 5 years, etc. The bottom line was how in common we all are with this disease. It gave me even more comfort talking to some of the women once the meeting was over. Even though I haven't drank since Sunday- being so early in on my sobriety- I was made to feel how strong I was to bring myself to that meeting on my own. I felt very proud of myself. I definitely have learned that I have no control over alcohol and I have to keep it out of "my life"- out of my body!

I will take it day by day- but seeing how great I feel this morning makes me want to have this everyday.

xoxo to everyone!

That's wonderful! Great to hear that your meeting went well - you should be proud of yourself for not listening to that old voice of "have a few and you'll feel better" - you know how that story ends. You've lived it too many times.

It's amazing being in a room where there is so much support, and when you see the celebrations for sobriety - you are seeing first hand that the program is working and that the fellowship is strong...and those women talking to you after the meeting, well, that's what we do - one drunk helping out another drunk.

I hope you got some of those women's phone numbers. One word of advice - use them! They aren't giving them out just to be nice. Whenever you are feeling off, or anxious or there is a thought of perhaps even thinking of picking up, call one of them. You aren't putting them out, you aren't distracting them, you aren't disturbing their day - you will actually *make* their day. You and she will both benefit. Believe me.

Remember this feeling you are having when you think of picking up - the joy, the feeling of connection to others, the capacity to enjoy life without booze.

Thanks for the update and have a wonderful next 24 hours :)

You've found a good place, many of us, I imagine have been exactly where you are now. I know I have.

That dreadful grey-line of relapse when you know, intellectually, that you need to stop, but then stresses and temptations are too many to avoid. Booze is(was) our way of dulling the noise an the anxiety.

I'm sure you're aware, but just in case, the anxiety you feel is being, if not caused, greatly intensified by the alcohol.

Kicking this isn't as much about "strength" as it is "persistence" and "taking it a day at a time". If nothing else, adopt that philosophy... always carry the more relaxed realization that you don't need to promise to never drink again, you just don't drink today. When you remind yourself, remind yourself it's still today.

Do try to go to an AA meeting... you don't have to do anything but get there and listen, but to realize just how not "awful" you may feel you are. Normal, regular people who, like you and I, got into trouble with booze. Who have been where you are in some manner that's meaningful. Who know, if not what exactly you're going through, how you're feeling as you're going through it.

I want you to realize, tho, that if you do not apply your will for today, today, rock bottom may yet wait for you. I can say this from experience as well. I quit drinking many times, and while my stretches without relapse have lengthened, I have had my share, and each time it took my situation to get markedly worse in some way before I pulled myself out of it.

If you don't make this a priority to at least address through action, then I do fear you may have yet another bottom to hit. Trust me when I say, if it takes rock bottom to shake you up so much that beating this is a MUST, it will also likely be extremely painful. I can guarantee the pain of potentially having to change many aspects of your habits and life-skills will be far less than the pain of rock bottom. Rock bottom is, by definition, devastating.

Make the point of going to one AA meeting, is what I implore. Take at least one measurable step to dealing with this. If nothing else it will re-enforce your confidence that you are dealing with this. After that, will be up to you.

Hi loveface. Thank you for posting and being so honest. I have found a lot of help at soberrecovery.com which is a community forum of all sorts of people who want to quit drinking or have quit.

What I love so much is they don't say you have to go to AA or you have to go to rehab or whatever, but they support you in whatever path works best for you to get sober.

I nearly lost my marriage and family to alcohol. You are very wise to seek help now. It need not be a giant THING in your life... you can stop drinking and just go on with your life.

Best best best wishes -- xxxooo

Hi to everyone...hearing you, loveface, share and then having a "meeting" was great......I found that staying away from the alcohol, the bar, the people when they were drinking helped me alot.....I did not want to look at glasses with liquor in them....kiss someone who has alcohol on their breath.....that is just me......

I like AA meetings....I like the friends I have from AA...I've learned to want to do service, and help and give away what I can afford to give (and some times more)....

Keep coming to sober groups, sites, people, places....stay away from temptation, don;t romance the drink......good luck!!! and welcome.....