People don't like to feel challenged because it threatens them. I think that too many negative connotations have been made about "being judgmental". We make judgments every day.....things as minor as liking chocolate versus vanilla ice cream or whether it's a good idea to get drunk.

Would you "judge" someone for getting behind the wheel of a car drunk? I hope so! I guess what I'm saying as that people here need to be less sensitive about it because the whole point of coming to this forum is to be judged. You're looking for an opinion (judgment) about your drinking habits or the nature of your recovery.

The person can accept the opinion or not, but we all need to be open to hearing some truth about ourselves- even if it's not always pretty.

So I say, JUDGE! And let the chips fall where they may.

And I "judge" that this is a good question Nicky! -LOL

Hi Nicky,

Just by asking this question, you are showing that you care about other people's feelings. Many don't even care; they run roughshod over everyone and everything they encounter.

If you ask personal questions that probe people that don't know you, oftentimes, people get fiercely defensive. Perhaps the best way is just offer how you would handle a situation. Volunteer that at time your motives are not pure and you have to check yourself.

Wisdoms are recieved much better when others can relate to you and they believe that you have there best interest in mind. BTW, we are charged with not judging others. That is God's work.

Best to you,
Wayne-

I LOVE this question.

Years ago, I belonged to a collective of unconventional minds. We gathered each Friday over dinner, snacks, etc. and talked deep into the wee hours. Our frame of mind was: Wow, that's a really interesting (thought, question, idea, concept)...Tell me more about that? Completely nonjudgmental, and meant to be a way to expand awareness and understanding.

Truth be told, I have NEVER found anything comparable. It's a gaping whole in my intellectual life.

Because, as you insightfully pointed out, there's a pervasive sense that "asking questions is often perceived as being judgemental."

I'm tellin' ya, that sucks pondwater. Is it because people feel "Less than" or because schooling doesn't teach critical thinking but following the flock? I honestly don't know the answer.

Great question. Make the rest of today good to great T.

NickyJ started a thread ~cool.
@ any rate thank God for lots of people doing my inventory, questioning me, and so on.
Scarcely I come around and when I do, I watch what I say,, very touchy.

Asking questions is not really judgmental. It is mainly how the question is asked. Is it really a question? An observation? Or a challenge? When I say...more people like Mountain Dew than Dr. Pepper and that is just how it is because in my observations this has been what I witnessed so it is fact. What do you think? Hmm, may come across as a challenge, not a question.

Contempt prior to investigation, that will keep us in ignorance.
I think to investigate something you have to ask questions about it.

People on here are touchy about anything people reply to, some ask questions they dont want answers to. Some ask questions that are genuinely about advice, others ask questions that are intended to rile everyone on the site.

We need to treat everyone tho as if there genuinely inquisitive and in need of help, rather than dismissing them without finding out because we dont agree with how they've phrased their question!.

The way some of us may respond could also be construed as judgemental. When you are dealing with a variety of people, a variety of upbringings, a variety of experiences, a variety of cultures, it's all about perception - not everyone is always on the same page.

Peace.

The reason why i dont ask question

Also I would add, that being on the internet, we lose many of the clues we use when talking to a person face-to-face, like body language,tone of voice,facial expressions, experience in "knowing" a person, etc.~So a lot is left for us to read between the lines while on the net.

Sony - don't let it stop you from asking questions, just take the info you feel is in response and non judgmental, the others just ignore - Bina has made a good point, writing on the net is different than face to face.

With reply 12 here. Looking into the eyes of the person tells the truth behind the question. Words on a page can be misconstrued easily mostly driven by the mindset of the one being asked.

Also, different cultures, different experiences. There are alot of assumptions made when one isn't face to face with the other person. Also, the way we treat each other on the internet is way different than how we would interact face to face.

I pm'ed someone the other day asking their sobriety date in an attempt to understand their point of view and got no reply so on a site such as this, be careful when you ask a question, you will most likely get the truth from many.

I am in total agreement with replies number 12 and 14. Body language adds volumes to a face-to-face talk. However, there are remedies to the limitation of cyber-speak. The key is to assume nothing. If there is a question at all and one is tempted to "read between the lines," stop right there. Ask some important background information before offering a response.

If still in doubt, and a selfish response is coming to mind, STOP right there and say nothing.

I did that the other day and you didn't reply. It was just a question.....