I am still begging my higher power to become friends, so I wouldn't be much help. I am on step 2.

There's lots of great programs and methods out there - Rational Recovery is one. I'll bet other forum members will chip in with other ideas too. Sobriety should/can be joyful and exciting.

Don't talk about important things to people that don't want to hear them, but poke around and explore other communities.

Congratulations on seven months!

AA didn't work for me untill I stopped taking advice from people and just did it my way, how I wanted, when I felt like it, etc. I like the meeting I go to nowdays... they don't pry into my personal business, they don't try to inspect my recovery program to make sure it's good enough for them, etc. Try different meetings, I suppose... if the problem persists, just tell'em to f*** off. Some people, I don't know if they're actually trying to sabotage other people's sobriety, or if they just think that they're doing legitimate step #12 work but they''re actually full of shit. Anyhow, do what works for you. It doesn't have to be the official AA program (as understood by some asshole/idiot sponsor), under close supervision of some asshole/idiot sponsor, etc. Also, I would suggest asking yourself what alcohol gave you that sober life does not.. I'm starting to suspect that there's more to it than just the addiction monster and the spiritual malady it causes.... maybe some folks are really missing something that they may not even realize is important to them, and have mistakenly came to believe that alcohol could meet such needs. I myself am an example of that

Hello danusa14,

AA would never have worked for me if I tried to do it my way and if I didnt listen to advice from other members. It looks like you have been badly advised about the reasons for doing the Steps and about how the programme works.

I was sceptical about AA and indeed I had a pretty hostile attitude towards AA people. The difference between my life then and now is like night and day and I have seen the proof of that in the difficult events that I have dealt with over recent days. When I decided that I had to stop drinking I accepted that there could be no chance of going back to how things were before. Similarly, when I found that I couldnt stop, I decided to approach AA with an open mind and to do what was suggested by people who had overcome the same problem that I had. As a result of following those suggestions I have never struggled with any part of the programme and up until tonight I have not had any desire to drink.

Whoever told you that you had no option but to do the Steps was mistaken? For me, and I speak only about myself, not doing the Steps would have been a bad mistake but doing them to please somebody else would have been madness. You have several options to consider so keep your hopes up and believe that you can make it. If AA doesnt float your boat, try something like Smart Recovery or Rational Recovery. However, if I was in your shoes and if I wanted recovery from alcoholism, I would get hold of a good sponsor and go over those Steps again. You are by no means alone in feeling that way as I have seen other people in AA who struggled to get the programme. It was usually either because they didnt really want it or they didnt have it properly explained to them.

What you have done so far is exactly what I have seen a friend doing a few years ago. She put a huge amount of enthusiasm into doing the Steps and did them to the best of her ability but ended up with little or no understanding of what she had done. If you really want what those sober and happy people have you will need to approach it with a different attitude. You will not succeed for as long as you struggle so acceptance is one of the first requirements. Being sceptical is not a problem because you are not asked to have faith that the programme works until you see it working in your own life then you can have faith. For now, all that you need is to look around at those other people who have recovered from alcoholism and to BELIEVE that if it works for them, it will work for you too.

You are not doing something wrong but you havent yet found someone who can tell you the right way to do it. Dont give up now because happiness and peace of mind are within your grasp. Are you prepared to do what it takes?

I can't help you with AA -- I never used it as a program to help me with my sobriety.

There are lots of other programs, and if you aren't happy with AA, why don't you try them out? If people tell you are delusional if you try another program, then don't tell them about it -- what kind of support is that, anyway?

This getting and staying sober is serious -- if you are like me and start drinking again it could end your life, certainly it will make it go downhill incredibly fast. So find a program or path that works for YOU.

Check out SMART Recovery. They have online meetings and might have local meetings in your area as well. Or Rational Recovery.

And I agree with Lucy -- yeah getting sober can be very difficult -- but there should be joy in being sober as well. I don't know why your hope in living a sober life is smashed -- what's that about? You've been sober for seven months -- that is awesome! What makes you think you can't do this?

Hi PJ54,

I did not do the steps to please someone else. I am not sure where you got that idea from. It has been told to me from the first day I came into alcoholics anonymous that the only chance an alcoholic has to stay sober is by doing the steps. so I did them, because I want nothing more in this world than to stay sober. Just to clarify.

What exactly is it that people are saying you are doing wrong in AA? Also, did you have a sponsor when working the steps? I am asking to clarify.

The only ways I know of that the steps don't bring someone to a place of spiritual awakening is if they are not completely honest in their program, failed to complete a step properly or their not a true alcoholic.

I am not saying it's one of those specificially, but trying to help see where it may have gone pear shaped. :)

yes I had and still have a sponsor. I get told I need to find a newcomer to sponsor, even though I haven't had the so called spiritual awakening yet.

I too would recommend Rational recovery. You can get throught their free on line mini tutorial in about 15 minutes. It basically boils down to recognizing using your thinking brain to squash that voice in us that makes us think about alcohol. If you truely practice it, it works. It's only when we entertain the thought that maybe a drink would be nice that we get into trouble. For me, right now, I don't even look at the wine section ads in the grocers flyer. I am able though to walk by the wine section (as I have to in order to get other needs) and just not look. Fortunately, I do have a strong connection with God, so I can draw on that as well - just me and Him - no rules, steps, or someone telling me what/how to feel.
Congrats on 7 months - that is terrific!

I struggle with it. Some of it is me and some of it is the program. I am an atheist and struggle immensely with the higher power concept. I have some mental issues (MDD, PTSD, etc) and those can complicate things or cloud my judgement/perception sometimes. I am also a stubborn, hard headed ex-Marine that doesn't like to feel vulnerable or show emotions and that can be a huge roadblock at times.

I get frustrated often in AA, both at the people and at what I perceive as my lack of progress in the program. Overall though I think it has helped me. I have been sober a lot more time than I have been drunk in the past two years and actually made it almost 9 months before I screwed up.

I promised myself that I would make an honest effort at sobriety and at doing the 12 Steps this time around in my recovery. So far I am doing that, even though things may not always be going my way all the time. Have you given the program a fair shot? If so move on and try something else...good luck to you and whatever you do don't give up!

What I learned in AA has helped me to help myself. AA meetings helped connect me people who gave me hope and understood what I was going through and I leaned and learned. AA steps and my sponsor helped guide me to a lot of self-awareness and self-discovery. It can build a solid foundation on which you can take up the reins and live a life from. And that's what I did. Start living outside of AA with what I learned from the people and the program. What are you doing outside of AA danusa? Activities, family, friends, sports, community involvement. Think of something you always wanted to do, and go ahead and give it a go.

I'm sorry you've been made to feel so wrong. You are sober, and you are doing well. Take time to find people or a person you can really trust, and turn to them for support. Not a control freak. As for 'not having the experience' - again, that DOESN'T mean you are doing anything wrong! Maybe it's not your time. just hang in there, Danus, stay sober and get help. Maybe some counselling would help you. But take your time on who to trust in the program. good luck.

I would also like to suggest Rational Recovery. I tried AA for 3 years and did different meetings and it just isn't for me. I know I am cured and won't drink again from the tools RR taught me. The steps did nothing for me and I really hate spending my free time in meetings talking about drinking/not drinking so now I get to do what in in my spare time.

I started with AA and I struggled with some of the steps. Until I realized I really was doing this sobriety thing for me, just for me, and all the steps in the world couldn't change that. I still read the literature ..from time to time, but the staying sober hinges on me, not steps. Find a friend or program more suitable to you. I find some of the best inspiration right here on this site. There are tons of lovely people who have the same types of problems and we are happy to be acquainted - even if it is not in person. We are not perfect but we are very capable. We don't always succeed but we try. Hold your head up. You are going to make it.

Have you tried different meeting groups? The first one I went to had a terrible vibe to it so of course I felt out of place and that I did not belong in AA. i am sure my mind was looking for a really good reason to keep me out of AA. I found a great group near my home. Oddly, the overhead lights are always off and the only light is from the windows or the table lamps, which makes it feel safer for me, especially as a newbie. Yes the steps are important, for me the most important thing is to have a place to go to be with others like me and to hear their stories and for me to be able to openly talk without being judged. I don't trust people in general and am mostly a loner so for me AA and DS is my social connection. I see customers with my work all day but no one gets close to knowing who i really am. So the meetings are important for me for many different reasons. I think you would here from most people many reasons why AA works for them for reasons that are different than for other people. Plus there are no rules. I hate rules and attempts to control me. In fact, the only rule is that if you screw up and drink you are always welcomed back. I love that rule. Without it I would not be 11 months sober today since I sat in that room during several brutal relapses in some cases having drunk that same day. Knowing I could still go and knowing others knew I had drank that same day, and still being graciously accepted JUST BECAUSE I WAS THERE AND TRYING was a very supporting aspect to the program and my home group for me. Yet, this really is a universal thing in all AA meeting places. Just my two cents.