When I was drinking and also early into recovery I blamed every body and everything. I just hated the world. I never looked for the good in people places things or situations. How could I use the good?

I was told by people they felt as though I was looking right through them but thats how I coped then .Never let anyone get to close.

When I met someone I would scan them today that sounds terrible but I would look for anything I could use against them. Like scars, acme, big nose, teeth, overweight, underweight, smell so I could put them down if they said anything about me. Just looking at what I have written now I was sick and for a long time.

I was a pessimist you could show me a brand new car and I would find the smallest scratch .I was unable to see the forest through the trees. What I said about people I would not repeat here to you lovely people that was all part of my 4th and 5th Step.

Today through working the steps I have been able to change my eyesight with Gods help a lot of action and prayer. Its like Dr Paul said it was as though I had my glasses on back to front and when I started to look for the good in people instead of the bad I found it..

Each day in my prayers I ask to be given the ability to look for the Good in people places things and situation that I might find it. And its amazing how it has changed my world.

That saying dont judge someone until you have walked in there Mocassins helps me instead of jumping straight into judging people.

I try to walk behind them unzip them and jump in and try and look at things from behind there eyes. Try it sometime.

Enough from me.
Live Well, Love Much ,Laugh often

God Bless

Lionel

Dr. Paul's story "Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict"

Dr. Paul Ohliger, author of the famous passage on acceptance on pages 449 and 450 of "The Big Book" died Friday, May 19, 2000 in Mission Viejo, California.


And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.
For me, serenity began when I learned to distinguish between those things that I could change and those I could not. When I admitted that there were people, places, things, and situations over which I was totally powerless, those things began to lose their power over me. I learned that everyone has the right to make their own mistakes, and learn from them, without my interference, judgement, or assistance!
The key to my serenity is acceptance. But "acceptance" does not mean that I have to like it, condone it, or even ignore it. What it does mean is I am powerless to do anything about it... and I have to accept that fact.
Nor does it mean that I have to accept "unacceptable behavoir." Today I have choices. I no longer have to accept abuse in any form. I can choose to walk away, even if it means stepping out into the unknown. I no longer have to fear "change" or the unknown. I can merely accept it as part of the journey.
I spent years trying to change things in my life over which I was powerless, but did not know it. I threatened, scolded, manipulated, coerced, pleaded, begged, pouted, bribed and generally tried everything I could to make the situation better -- only watch as things always got progressively worse.
I spent so much time trying to change the things I could not change, it never once occurred to me to simply accept them as they were.
Now when things in my life are not going the way I planned them, or downright bad things happen, I can remind myself that whatever is going on is not happening by accident. There's a reason for it and it is not always meant for me to know what that reason is.
That change in attitude has been the key to happiness for me. I know I am not the only who has found that serenity.

Interesting post. one thing I have to say... I never have or did blame anyone but myself for anything I've done to myself. Its just not in my nature. I'm not sure therefore, that all alcoholics blame someone else. I never did and I surely had/ have a drinking problem!

SW, we are on he same page. i like you never blamed anyone else for my issues. its that one saying i always like " we are all different but all the same" with are common problem of alcoholism.

Rings a bell with me too Lionel. I found that all those negative qualities I'd find with others, in the mirror. Lots af self-awareness for me in steps 4/5. Nice to find those good qualities in people. :)

Holycrap is this great! :)

I even blamed the dog for my drinking.....if she hadn't peed on the carpet......

I blamed the mail carrier for being late. I blamed my natural gas provider for pissing me off with their bill. I blamed my sister for pissing me off. I blamed my kitchen for being dirty, so "screw it! I'll just get drunk!" I blamed everyone and everything under the sun, myself included, but it was always MORE "their" fault than mine!!
lol! :)

Blame wasn't that a four letter word before they added the E, my first sponsor Leonard told me after writing a Inventory of myself. Even after explaining to me "The inventory is ours Not the other person;s", Billy your blaming everybody else...No pat on the back or Atta boy,"just a keep Coming back" and a lot more discussion and trips to other meetings...low bottom clubs and detox meetings.Quality came with perception of my dilemma.And when i was able to raise my head out of the shame of blame,, which were ,Very hard -learned lessons.I found in-between 'i didn't Drink or Drug"

O and if you get the chance read a little Leo Busgaglia:)

Hello Billy I have two of Leo's Books Living ,Loving and Learning.
and Love.

I watch one of his videos while in rehab 19 years ago and when I got out I was in this second hand shop and Living Loving and Learning jumped out at me so I brought it for $1 I have lent it to a few in recovery what a great book.

God Bless...

Lionel

okiyoe - thank you for mentioning Leo Busgaglia. I had a book of his that was about fear - it was the only thing that helped me get ahold of my fear when I was first sober.

I need to get that book again.......