Resentments are the number 1 killer of sober alcoholics. Best to give her the card then play it by ear next.

Sorry about your loss, but maybe he did not want anybody to know he was sick.
I sure haven't told anyone but two close friend, one a doctor, the other who has early stage liver disease, about my cirrhosis.
It's scary and it carries a lot of prejudice.

After reading your subsequent posts I suggest you chill out and think about this.
Your friend dies...His wife who is your friend but also your old drinking buddy who is probably going through hell doesn't call.
Your the one who is upset?
Time out!
You need to get some perspective on this.
He's dead She's grieving.
After not seeing them for some time you didn't get notified.
Now put those things in order of importance in the big scheme of life and then respond.
don't go near that place until you are calm and have a safe plan of action to follow.

Thanks, Reed.
I did just what you said, before you said it. I took a shower and got all ready and everything but something told me not to go.
She is working tonight. I called her instead. I told her that I just found out today that her David died. I was mad. She said, "Yes, he passed away". I reiterated, I JUST FOUND OUT TODAY!
She said she didn't have my number. Lost her cell. I was driving her around just in September. She doesn't have a car. Oh well......I decided to call and I'll see her when I'm more calm.

Stay strong Kate...please. You've reminded us all of where we can be if we weren't fighting the good fight.

THE DINGO ATE HER CELL!!!

It would have been nice to be able to go to his funeral.
I'm still pissed. Furious...Gawd am I mad.
Tomorrow is a holiday. She now has my number and no more excuses. She and Dave were so very, very private. But they let me in and we all had so much fun together. We even fought at times but made up immediately and with laughs and maybe a hit on a shoulder.
If we can,,,,,,the weather is so gorgeous out here,,,,,we are going to the best seafood restaurant and eat to our hearts' content. My bill.

I understand you are angry right now,but I challenge you to take a step out of yourself for a moment and put yourself in Lillie's shoes.She is the one who just lost her husband.She is hurting right now and she needs you.Your feelings about this are selfish,though real.Think about your friend.Be there for her.Love heals all wounds.

You're right, sbr03
But I don't believe love heals all wounds. I actually think the opposite.
Love keeps those wounds fresh.
And I like it that way.
Once it scabs up, ya gotta pick it and toss it away.
I like my losses fresh in my heart, always. Forever and ever until we meet again.

She was/is probably grieving quite a bit and didn't want to burden you with her grief.

Another thought is, when you bartend, or hang out a bars, you experience death a lot more frequently than normal. I lost 5 bar friends just last year. (2 bars) and you tend to get rather numb about it.

I'm sorry for your loss and a card would be nice.

you have said a couple of things that really stood out to me. They were very private people and it all happened very sudden... when I was diagnosed with cancer 2 months ago, it was VERY important to my husband and I to spend time alone. We had to deal with this as a couple so that we would be able to deal with this with the rest of the world. The first 2 weeks we spent a lot of time talking, praying and accepting. There was a steady flow of people stopping by and calling when we were emotionally able to handle it.
Your friend has had a lot to absorb in a one month time period. Be her friend. You can not handle these situations right or wrong, you just have to handle them.

I was told when I first came to recovery, I would need to change playpens and playmate. It was also explained some of my playmate would change without me doing anything.My family member drink. If I am in a spiritually healthy space I go around them. When I am not like after my niece's funeral I do not. Our coming into recovery can make people think about their action whether it is drinking or serving drinks. When I was a truck, I asked the dispatcher to not put me under loads that had alcohol on them. My preference. It is possible your friend MAY have thought she contributed to your problem. Did you all every talk about that. Consider this, no matter where you all met or when she was a window or maybe a door to your drinking past. Not discounting or diminshing your feelings for them, it it possible that you disease was holding on to the relationship more than you. My experience in this are is, I was just fine going to AA meeting but when I enter in to a meeting of NA, my heart would race, my palms would sweat and a voice in my head would say WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, YOU DON'T BELONG HERE. The truth is alcohol was not my drug of choice,crack was. So I belonged in NA just as much as I belonged in AA. I did like to drink. Here is a suggestion, take a friend and go to bar she worked in and see if they can contact her. Remember do not go by yourself. The other thing is after 30yrs I found a dear friend of mine. And was reconnected with a childhood friend. Both of these ladies are very dear to me. I believe God gave me this gift at a time when I need human love. I hope I have helped in some small way.

Girl, I say greive in your own way, but don't let it take you down! Just go through it like your friend had to! We all do it our own way!

Love you!