Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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another attempt, maybe this is it....

Ashley8888
Ashley8888
I have been back to drinking for awhile....seeming to be a functional alcoholic but hiding from the world, dieing inside....I hate myself when I am drinking! I hate my life right now...I have isolated myself for too long and binge drinking is really starting to mess with my head, self esteem, friends, life and spirituality. I want want alcohol out of my life, but I know its not that simple.

Why is this disease, or whatever it is, so insane, and make us insane!!!
Why do I let the insanity of my alcoholic mind win?..It tells me that this time I can make things different, that this time I will stop befor I go too far, that I should be able to drink normally if I only had the will power like a normal person....There are SO MANY excuses that my alcoholic brain gives me to drink....IT IS INSANE!

I know reality yet chose to ignore it..????

This has been going on for years, wanting to stop, praying to God to help me (but I know I must help myself), telling myself THIS is it...When will it all end.??????? I know I am the only one who can decide that...but it soooo hard. Even when I know that life does not have to be this miserable, that if I stopped drinking things could be SO much better....I just always seem to fuck up!!!

For today I am not drinking, and I have no clue what the future holds for me...I just pray the I can stay on the right path...

Why is alcoholism such insanity, it makes us do such insane things and then repeat them over and over!! I do not want that life but I dont know if I am strong enough to say NO the next time....

Sorry for the ramble...but i just dont get it, I dont get myself and I defiantly dont get the alcoholic brain!!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Why not get to an AA meeting. They will be able to tell you why you feel like you do and all about the physical and mental disease that is alcoholism! More importantly however they will tell you about thesolution to our disease, there is a way out, you dont have to drink! I cant make you go I can only suggest, so I suggest you get to an AA meeting.
donttread
donttread
It will get different if you keep drinking Ashley. It'll get worse, gaurenteed!
In AA in step two ( yeah Blues I know) we "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity, which seems to be exactly what you are asking for?
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's a disease, it's chronic, progressive, and fatal if untreated. (www.addictiondoctor.com, see Kevin McCauley, M.D.) It is very much a brain disease. I've been fighting it for years. You can't win by feeding it like sweets to a diabetic). You say you're a functional alcoholic but you're driving yourself crazy and miserable. I was functional in that I kept a wife, kids, a professional job, taught at a university etc, but I wasn't a functional human being. I was the living dead. I could hide it, but not from myself, and eventually I couldn't use alcohol to hide from myself.

_____________________________________________________________
Mistaking suffering for happiness like a moth flying into the flame. In terms of how we seek happiness, we are all like the alcoholic who drinks to stop the depression that escalates with every drink, or the junkie who shoots up in order to get relief from the suffering that increases with every fix. The problem is that our addictions offer temporary relief. Because we experience short-lived satisfaction from them, we keep getting hooked. In repeating our quest for instant gratification, or release, pursuing addictions of all kinds, we continue to reinforce old patterns of suffering. We strengthen dysfunctional patterns.

May you find sobriety and peace in this moment. Namaste
Ashley8888
Ashley8888
Thanks blues....I know that is what I need to do and plan on it....I hope that I can get out of my own head long enough to addmit that I do need the help of others....I mean I know I do but I guess accepting it is different...
Ashley8888
Ashley8888
You are so right mycool....its an awful cycle...I want OUT and do plan to go to a meeting very soon....

dontread, it just seems like it something I have to do and not put in someone eles hands...BUT this sis where my own thinking has got me...misery....I know I need help...
deleted_user
deleted_user
...very soon. Good, but don't see this process as a time element or as a place to go to or an act to perform. You must be sobriety, here, now. You can reach out for the tremendous help, support and love out there, but you must reach inward to discover those elements in you. All my best, please keep in touch--Mycool

There is no other place. Were forever hereTheres only this one place: right here, right nowTo be here is freedom from insanity, fear, worry, struggle, striving, the urgent desire to control, and the habitual yearning for security and escape from pain.Steve Hagen,
nodp2day
nodp2day
Ash, we've known each other for a while.

You know where I stand... right beside you.
CoogeeMum
CoogeeMum
Ashley, it's time you changed something and let others help show you a better way. Make sure you act on that plan to go to AA. It may just save your life. Pop over to the aa friends group too, there has been some great shares on first AA experiences. Have a read back over what's been posted. Your way isn't working Ash, time to make a serious effort here and take some action. Coogee xxx
deleted_user
deleted_user
doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is INSANITY - sounds like you are getting close to truly wanting to stop the insanity and ONLY YOU can stop it.

Peace.
deleted_user
deleted_user
'nothing changes if nothing changes' i too lived in misery knowing there was a way out and a better way of life but i refused to see it.. and ignore it at the same time.. but i too f***** up every time .

my alcoholic brain told me it will be different this time , that im only young that i can control it with moderation, that control kept me out there and progressed into complete darkness... everytime that part of u says it will be different .ignore it and write it in a journal..do not let it win.

i too thought myabe this will b the day where il throw in the towel...i couldnt do it on my own... there is a solution...

MISERY IS OPTIONAL.


have you tried aa or any method of recvoery??? if u eep expectin different results and keep gettin the same result maybe its time to really work hard on your self and seek help.. you r not alone..

mel :)
gjm
gjm
Hope you stay and do whats needed.

As I always say about are disease, its the only fatal disease that tells us we don't have one, that's why I had to hang with people like myself. I will add if you stick around people like yourself take some direction you might have a good chance for recovery.

I wish you the best
deleted_user
deleted_user
hey ashley,i have nine days sober....if i can do it this far so can you............i went to detox,well i took a bunch of pills too..to think of it now it was a cry for help that i was for real this time..i was sick and tired of being sick and tired.........i risked losing my family for doing that........i have not lost them,but the hubby says if you start back you have to leave............hope and faith to you..........
deleted_user
deleted_user
Still rootin for ya Ashley! I won't cut & paste links to your old threads like I've done before....the solution hasn't changed.

Help's still out there if you want it bad enough....hope ya do. Good luck to ya...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hang in there kiddo!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hey Ashley, I am sorry that you are in such a horrible place - I know it so well!

I was wondering if there is something that you are afraid of, that prevents you from getting sober - or going to AA.

You cannot deal with this yourself, if you could would you not have done it a long time ago?? Of Course you would!

Please don't become another death statistic because you were too scared, or too proud, or ...... whatever!

Please feel free to pm me if you think I can help in any way!

Lyn