Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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Am I am alcoholic or alcohol abuser?

annkjma
annkjma
I have always loved wine. No other alcohol. I just love wine. It feels "adult" to me to start my days with a great cup of coffee and end them with a nice cabernet and piece of chocolate. This is how it started for me. Now, on my third marriage, so much life has happened....I'm 40 now. Three great kids, all healthy, a step son with panic disorder and his Dad, my husband, has Bipolar Disorder, Gambling addiction that is so, so, so, bad, and Panic Disorder. LIFE is not easy, which only serves to remind me that this is not our home, heaven is. I have a decent life in that I am a stay at home mom, live in a gorgeous home, and can basically have whatever I want or need, when my husband doesn't gamble all the money away. LOVE kids, the holidays, and notice every tiny "little joy" in life. Basically, I have always enjoyed and found joy in life. Always. I'm going through early menopause, which can be tough, am on Prozac for hormonal related anxiety, and now my one glass of wine over these past five years has gone to two, maybe a third (nightly). I'm alone a lot because my husband is a business man and gambler, so sometimes, I will be alone watching a movie and stop just short of finishing the bottle...I try not to, but when its two or three open bottles, hmmmm...I finish them and lose track. Add to that that we live in a neighborhood with other stay at home moms whose husbands are gone and we do have $, when hubby hasn't gambled it all away, and my lifestyle lends to the availability of good wine and people to drink it with. The problem is I think my children are picking up on it. My step son joked about me being an "alcoholic", and as my mother was, well, I'm wondering if I am heading in that direction or am I there already? Can I stop drinking for a month or two? I was going to give it up for Lent but it was just too hard. I love my end of day wine. If I could leave it to one glass, no problem, but when I know no one is looking, I will go overboard, and I do sneak it....I put it in coffee mugs cause I don't want my kids to think mom is "drinking wine again on a school night". I have never drank and drove. I'm at home. I always make sure my chores, errands, etc....are done. But, it is a problem now that the kids are getting older that I can't run and pick a teen up from (friends' house, etc....) after 6 because I will have gotten into the vino. And, if I were to be honest here, I'm sure 2.5 glass average a night for five nights, plus the nights I have more with the neighbor girls or friends, Steelers parties, movie nights.....there is always a great opportunity to drink wine (its somewhat accepted almost), is probably about 22 glasses of wine a week, and I can't say I am always pouring 6 oz glasses. I've been very honest here. Do you all think I am an alcoholic or that I just abuse alcohol?
billwfriend
billwfriend
that decision is yours to make,.....try reading the book Alcoholics Anonymous first 165 pages will help you make that decision of if your alcoholic or not....hugs bill

PS I did just read the headline and the end question and skipped reading the drivvel of how your life has been but that does not mean I don't care....it is always your decision nobody elses...
annkjma
annkjma
Hmmm...did not know that. Thanks. I didn't know if there was some "cut and dry" diagnosis.
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
You are an alcoholic who is in denial!

You need help and I strongly recommend AA meetings. You can google meetings in your area.

Good Luck!
1is2many
1is2many
If you have to ask...

I too remember the fear if I needed to go get one of the kids after five. Man I don't miss the fear.

I drank to cope. I am an alcoholic and I have a need to hide from life and booze was my way for years. Eventually I decided I had had enough. I found a few other Alchies and today I don't have to drink.

You can too

1-2
cloverset14
cloverset14
Hello. That's how I started out. One glass of wine turned into 1.5, then two and so it goes. Also, the size of the glass I used got bigger and bigger. I also really relished the winding down at the end of the day with a drink.

There also have been two times (that I can remember) going back many years where there has been a family emergency and I was afraid to go because I had been drinking and wouldn't drive. It's a terrible feeling.

I will also tell you from experience that mixing alcohol and Prozac isn't a good idea. It turned me into a real head case.

I ended up just quitting on my own, after several attempts. I got myself into a bad situation with alcohol and xanax (another one to avoid at all costs if you're drinking or vice versa) and had an episode that scared me sober. I'm going on eight months.

There are also other options than AA. I believe one is called S.M.A.R.T. Recovery and there is also Women for Sobriety. (Women for Sobriety is headquartered in PA. I picked up from your mention of Steelers parties that maybe you live in that state? There are probably a lot more meeting sites there. None where I live.) There is also the C.A.G.E. test that you can take yourself online to help you make that decision. (Sorry I can't link to all of these resources.)

Good luck!
abshoefreakshow
abshoefreakshow
I would say that sneaking wine in coffee mugs and having 22 glasses of wine a week is considered behavior of an alcoholic. I assume you already know this, according to health professionals, 2 a day is the max.
At the least, you need to slow your role. That is 88 glasses of wine+ a month. If you can't just have 1 or 2 (like me, 1 or 2 is just a teaser), then I would think about quitting completely.
campstyles
campstyles
You shouldn't have to sneak drinking, if drinking every night is the right thing to do. Once I started sneaking it, I knew I really had a problem.

I too started with 1 glass here, then 1 to 2 here and there. Mainly on the weekend only. Years later I was drinking bottles of wine, among other types of alcohol. No longer drinking in a wine glass, but drinking from a big mug. Because the glass was too small.

You said you found joy in everything in life. I don't think you feel joyful with drinking anymore.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I tend to agree with some other comments that the fact you are hiding it, the fact you cannot pick up your kids, really says it all, I was like that when my kids were younger, they missed a lot and other parents I have no doubt just thought hubby and I were drunks. Sad reality we were, working drunks.
I am new to this site and have no moderation ability so am / have taken steps to STOP.
Maybe you could try 30days alcohol free and see if you crave it, if so seek help
DeliAnnem
DeliAnnem
Yes, you have a problem.

Your kid called you an alcoholic... what more motivation do you need to stop drinking? Think of the message you are sending. Horrible.

This is your third marriage and you've got a gambling husband.

I'd say your impairment has been going on for quite a while.

I'm 40 and going through early menopause, too. Not fun. But I'm sober.

You really need to examine your life and turn it around. But I don't know how you can do that when you have a husband with his own addiction. I just don't know...

I'd say go to a therapist when you DO have the money and get sober. You need a professional to help you get control of your life, I'm afraid.

Hugs.
citychick2011
citychick2011
3 glasses is too much, in my opinion for a night
annkjma
annkjma
Thank you all. Very hard to hear, very, but I deeply appreciate it. I feel great this morning, waking up having nothing in my system! But, mornings are always great. So, round five, I plan to be busy. Back to barre fitness class and Christmas wrapping! Thank you all so much. Denial no more. I feel free. My mom was also an alcoholic. She never wnt back to it! 35 years sober! She said she still craves it.
Community Leadercliffskat
cliffskat
In addition to the CAGE test mentioned, you might find the AUDIT questionnaire helpful, too. Here is a link to one of many sites where you can down load the questionnaire:

http://www.alcohollearningcentre.org.uk/Topics/Browse/BriefAdvice/?parent=4444&child=4896

Hope this helps.... hugs...
campstyles
campstyles
Good morning annkjma. I found that staying busy helped me in the beginning to not drink. I'm still a beginner. It's been 35 days of sobriety for me. Yes I crave it sometimes. But I stay busy and try to focus on positive things. When I do crave it, I ask myself do I really want a hangover, feeling sick, throwing up even, being extremely tired, losing nights of sleep and just feeling bad in general? Nope. Not anymore!
abshoefreakshow
abshoefreakshow
If you never had something before, you can't crave it. I have had 'MANY' things in life that are not considered healthy, things beyond alcohol, and I still crave it, but it is called self control and it is just telling yourself: 'I CAN"T, NO MORE, THOSE DAYS ARE OVER'. Believe me, a vodka tonic sounds nice sometimes, but then I think of the consiquenses and I know that I will have way more than 1 and I think of the end result after I go on a bender, so forget it, I will PASS!!!
It's nice to start your day with a clear head. Good for you!!!
gr8ful2b
gr8ful2b
Hi ann. When I was drinking I had to justify it all the time. If not for husband, job, kids, high stress.......and on and on.

I'm not sure what you want from us. I see how you romanticize the booze. When I drank, I got zero enjoyment from life unless I was pouring my first drink of the evening. At least not the joy I feel sober.

I recognized early on in sobriety that my kids weren't listening to what I said, they watched what I did. No way to hide excessive drinking from a child. They live it every day. I didn't realize it then but when I drank, I checked out of my kids life emotionally. I was at home but not available.

I hope you come to the conclusion that helps you in the long run.
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