For many alcoholics, the success of their recovery hinges upon their ability and commitment to make recovery and sobriety their #1 priority. Above relationship and yes, more important than sex.

Early recovery is difficult, and just because he managed 28 days of abstinence in a structured rehab environment, that does not mean recovery is guaranteed.

Your B/F has huge personal changes to make and that requires his utmost commitment. A recovering alcoholic realizes that without lasting sobriety, every other aspect of his life hangs in peril.

Go to Al- Anon for more suggestions.

He is an alcoholic. you have done everything you can for him.

Maybe rather than telling him what you want it could be more valuable to try and instigate an open and honest conversation about how you both see things, what you both want, where you relationship is etc. Then you might get to find out how he feels too. We can guess at what might be happening for him but only talking to him will allow you to really find out assuming he is willing to tell you. Early recovery can be a difficult and scary time both for alcoholics and those involved with them especially where relationships are concerned. I dont know how long you have been together or what you relationship was like before so what I suggest might be completely inappropriate or it might be something for you to think about and tailor to your own circumstances.

I would also say that alanon is a good place for help. Out of interest does he go to AA?

Thanks for all the responses. He is attending AA. We've been together a year and half. I guess I"m just lost because I was there for him through rehab and now I feel like he doesn't need me anymore. I feel like he manipulated me through rehab so I would make trips out there to bring him stuff. And I took it at first as he wanted to see me and maintain the relationship with me. Throughout rehab, I was the only person he would call. He would call me and his parents. But now that he is home, when his buddies call, who know of his situation, he will jump at the opportunity to hang with them. But, its a struggle to get him to just hang out with me. Maybe I should take it as he is just not that into me anymore. He has been home for a month and we have only really seen each other 3 times.

Talk to him. I have made some mistakes by assuming I know why people are being a certain way or how they feel. You might be right but there may also be other reasons things are the way they are. Its always best to make decisions based on as much information as possible and assumptions aren't always the best information.

Looking at your last post, I think you have your answer. My suggestion is to stop wasting time on him that can be spent finding someone else who will treat you right. Sorry if this is too blunt, but it sounds like he did use you and is now trying to cut things off. It sucks that people are that way, especially when you're the one on the receiving end of their shallowness. I've been there myself enough times and have learned that it is not worth clinging onto someone who cannot return the feelings. You deserve better--make yourself available to other opportunities. :)

For God's sake, he's trying to save his life!

The last thing my husband said to me before he left me was "I'm leaving. You don't need me anymore". Thankfully, he returned to me and started Al-Anon to work on his issues and I continued to work on mine in AA.

When I first sobered up, he hated AA. I was gone more there and with the fellowship than I ever was when I was drinking. His only worth had been "taking care" of his alcoholic. With the alcoholic sober, he lost his way for a while.

My family came to love AA because of the change in me. In the beginning, I attended many, many meetings. It tapered off once I began living the spiritual principles that followed the Steps.

You could leave now but if you do, you just might miss the best years of his life. Maybe have a sit down and tell him how you feel. And oh yeah, good idea to go to Al-Anon to work on your issues while he works on his. That would at least, show him that you're involved in your recovery too. Godspeed.

That's a tough one. Like Nicky said, you don't know until you have an honest conversation with him. You don't know until you find out. He might be avoiding you because perhaps he feels guilt and shame around his actions and perhaps how he acted towards you. I know that is how I felt at first - I would avoid my wife sometimes because I just didn't even know how to act any more. I was lost, confused, and like my wife says now and then, I was a zombie. It might be easier to hang out with his buddies, because there is not as strong an emotional attachment (I am only assuming, forgive me). He might just be frightened.

Talk to him. It's a tough thing repairing relationships with significant others. I know it took a lot of work on my part, and my wife's part, to come to a place of mutual respect, trust and deep love and compassion.

I hope that things work out...and if not, please take care of yourself, first and foremost.

You did everything for him, during his drinking. That's a huge thing. It means to me that you loved him very much. You feel hurt now and sad and angry. Jealous of his buddies. Used by him. You helped him to get to the point to stop drinking. Nobody forgets that.
If he means to stay sober, he might be a changed/changing person now. He is maybe not ready yet to adapt himself and be your partner as a sober man.
Al-Anon is a good idea, if you still love him. You has to be patient. It is important to give him space and time. If he wants you as a friend it shows that you're important for him. It is your decision what you do. Not easy. Hope that his buddies are not drinking buddies but AA buddies. And why is it so impossible to be "just" friends? Friendship is part of a loving relationship.

I am going to be blunt as well....You have done everything you could for him, probably more than most people would of done...But, he is still an alcoholic....Does he go to A.A.? I think you should take some time for yourself now. You were so worried about taking care of him, but, who was taking care of you?? I am not saying to end the relationship, but, I think you should maybe step back, and allow some space for him to do what he needs to get sober, and stay that way. I think you should think about your happiness for a change.

No Angel he goes snowboarding lol. Serious note if you'd said he was going to meetings I'd say yeah that's normal but he's making other arrangements. You really should sit him down and discuss all this. Could be just finding some childishness in him again and going a little berserk but also might want to break up but can't as he feels guilty because you have done so much. Who knows. You two might if you talk.

Hi, I'm not sure this has anything to do with his alcoholism.
It could be that the relationship has just had its course and is done. We alcoholics don't have the inside scoop on ditching our girfriends/ boyfriends without owning up.
Though its true that most alcholics I know, self included, are a bit more self absorbed than the average "Joe" === and definetly while drinking.
Anyway, you might try alanon.

Id try and talk to him. If his response is the same. Id start takeing care of yourself. You have done all you can. He is lucky to have you. Good luck

He has just discovered that life is great when you're sober! Relationships are so scary when we first get sober, especially sexual ones!
I agree with Nicky - try and have a conversation with him along the lines of Nicky's suggestions.

However he did tell you he wants you to stick by him as a friend - if you can't be a friend to him after 18 months together then perhaps there was not as much to the relationship as you thought.
I guess it's possible that as a sober man he may not feel the same as he did when he was drinking.

I would like to suggest you go easy on him. He will run away from you if you demand too much from him. He is newly out of rehab, not drunk, and trying to find his way. I would also suggest you do not throw up in his face what you have done for him. I would believe you were in a relationship with him so you did it from your heart.

How about you begin to take care of yourself. It might be a wonderful idea if while he is finding your way, you find yours. He really needs a friend now.
He is suppose to selfish right now. It's either be selfish or be unhappy.
Good luck