Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I have decided that I just can't drink.
The obsessions I have had for the past few weeks took on a different form than in the past. I never actually went to the store to drink NOW, but I obsessed over WHEN later I would be able to drink.
Should I drink tomorrow or 2 weeks from now? Should I wait until hubby leaves town again? Should I encourage him to go visit his family for a week or two? Should I convince him I am not really an alcoholic, but just went through a bad phase? Should I convince him I can drink once in awhile? What will I tell my sponsor? Will I blow off my friends here on DS? Will I just disappear? I wonder if I could just disappear and become a homeless drunk begging on the streets?
And then there have been the nagging thoughts of HOW I could pull off another drink or how I could continue a drinking lifestyle.
Can I drink at night just a bottle of wine? No, I'll end up drinking until 3 and be trashed at work. I'll smell like booze and clients will complain. Can I start a binge this Friday? No because I'll never make it to my bro's for the Superbowl. Can I drink this summer? No because eventually I'll stop going to work. Can I drink if hubby leaves for a few months. No WAY, I will definitely lose my job and end up dead or in the hospital. I am afraid now when I plan to drink, as though my life might end. I can't drink for fear of killing myself. I DON'T want to hurt ANYONE ANYMORE. If I keep drinking, I will continue hurting people. I just don't want to hurt anyone.
You see, I just can't drink. I can't figure out HOW I can possibly drink ever again. If I do drink, I know now that it WILL be a choice. I was up most of last night trying to figure out IF I could drink again. Then I spent the rest of the night depressed because I now realize that I just can't. There is just NO way that I can make it work.
Sorry so long... Just had to get it out.... Maybe someone else newly sober can relate. Despite all the negative thoughts, I think this is a good realization.
The obsessions I have had for the past few weeks took on a different form than in the past. I never actually went to the store to drink NOW, but I obsessed over WHEN later I would be able to drink.
Should I drink tomorrow or 2 weeks from now? Should I wait until hubby leaves town again? Should I encourage him to go visit his family for a week or two? Should I convince him I am not really an alcoholic, but just went through a bad phase? Should I convince him I can drink once in awhile? What will I tell my sponsor? Will I blow off my friends here on DS? Will I just disappear? I wonder if I could just disappear and become a homeless drunk begging on the streets?
And then there have been the nagging thoughts of HOW I could pull off another drink or how I could continue a drinking lifestyle.
Can I drink at night just a bottle of wine? No, I'll end up drinking until 3 and be trashed at work. I'll smell like booze and clients will complain. Can I start a binge this Friday? No because I'll never make it to my bro's for the Superbowl. Can I drink this summer? No because eventually I'll stop going to work. Can I drink if hubby leaves for a few months. No WAY, I will definitely lose my job and end up dead or in the hospital. I am afraid now when I plan to drink, as though my life might end. I can't drink for fear of killing myself. I DON'T want to hurt ANYONE ANYMORE. If I keep drinking, I will continue hurting people. I just don't want to hurt anyone.
You see, I just can't drink. I can't figure out HOW I can possibly drink ever again. If I do drink, I know now that it WILL be a choice. I was up most of last night trying to figure out IF I could drink again. Then I spent the rest of the night depressed because I now realize that I just can't. There is just NO way that I can make it work.
Sorry so long... Just had to get it out.... Maybe someone else newly sober can relate. Despite all the negative thoughts, I think this is a good realization.
Mike Tyson(my brain=emotions and thoughts) will eventually whoop my ass if I don't treat him. The courage to change the things I can takes action.
I have to treat my alcoholism with the only medicine I know of, AA. I don't go to AA to learn not to drink, I go to learn how to live life.
credential's= Sobriety date, somewhere in 1987..uhhhh with 127 relapses.
It's a journey.
It depresses me that i cant drink - i love drink - even though i know i cant its not like over night im gonna be like i dont wanna drink - i dont see how i guess it takes a while, ive heard others say today i dont wanna drink. i think oh im gonna miss drinking with meals, and champagne on special occassion and all this, someone said to me its like a grieving process.
When i told my mum i was an alcoholic and i was giving up drink it wasnt a big thing for her - one she thought i was over exagerating and two it wasnt a big deal to her not drinking coz she can drink normally.
It suprises me that people who arent alcoholics dont see it as a huge thing, but i do coz i love alcohol so much and it puts things into perspective a bit when my mum was like that.
hey-print this out.
save it.
read it when you want to drink.
This is absolutely what they mean by thinking it through.
When you find another reason to drink-think it through. Add the consequence to this list. Love this.
This is WHY the last few weeks have been so difficult, pushing up against an immovable object with all of the force I could muster. I was just exhausted and defeated. And I couldn't put it into words until now.
The trick is being happy, joyous and free and done.