For your health, being sober is what you need to do. For your relationship with your husband, you need to honor him and stay sober.

I have been with someone who could not stop drinking - it changed my personality - I lost my great laughter and joy. Am just starting to feel myself again after many months.

Please celebrate each day you are sober and treasure your husband.

I do understand the feeling. I stopped feeling that way about alcohol after the last little alcoholic mishap occured for me in November 2010. I don't know if ya can really control a feeling... "adoration". It's a feeling. But anyhow, mine just sorta went away on it's own after that... for a while, it made me almost sick just thinking about picking up a drink. I guess that's where the idea came from about "ya gotta hit rock bottom". I did... hopefully it's not true for everyone out there... I'd hate to see all alcoholics have to go through the same shit. Maybe something has to happen that makes ya hate yourself and alcohol enough to where you just can't look at it the same way anymore... that's what worked for me. Anyways, if there's enough pieces left that ya can pick up and put back together after all that, it gets easier. Alcohol looks dumber the further away you get from it... you'll see other drunks out there while you're sober, and you'll think "my life might not be all that fun, but I'm so glad I don't look like those assholes". It gets easier. I just hope you don't have to experience the rock bottom thing. hugs

Your relationship with alcohol is similar to that of a battered wife - it kicks the s**t out of you but you still stick around for more. AA isn't meant to stick to you, you are meant to stick to AA - if you still love alcohol you are not going to get sober because it's not done enough damage to you to surrender.

Serenity, that is what I am trying to avoid, the damage you speak of. I don't want to hit rock bottom. I know that will be horrific.

bethmatch - if you continue to drink - guaranteed you will continue to lose ground and you will hit rock bottom sooner or later.

Serenity is right - AA is not intended to stick to you - the idea is that you stick with AA. I used to think I was too good for those meetings with those people - while I was a falling down, blacking out drunk, making a fool out of myself practically every weekend. I was a mess but thought I was above AA - I wasn't.

I found that AA is full of some of the kindest, warmest, most caring people I have ever met. Please give it a shot before you do hit rock bottom.

When I first got to AA, in all honesty, I did not enjoy it. I thought the people were different to me. I thought I didn't fit in. Yet, and this is the big yet, I got hope. It is that hope that life could be different that kept me going.

For me, what changed at the meetings was when I got a 'service position'. I started doing the 'meet and greet' and people started to use my name, started to ask how I was doing. That was the foot in the door I needed and it made me feel part of.

Today I love going to my home group. I love being part of and I still go and get my 'medicine'. It is a place I am truly understood and that is priceless.

Of course, it is up to you whether you go again or not, just know, like the people that have replied to this post, there are a whole bunch of us going there to help one another to carry the message (and not the mess!).

Beth I know that is what you are trying to avoid but you're going about it the wrong way to get sober and that's why I posted what I did.
I can only tell you how I got sober and that is through AA, there are other people on here who did it a different way. Why not go back to AA and stick around.
Don't just stick your ass to a seat, get involved and most importantly get yourself a sponsor and get started on the Steps because the Steps are what lead you to a spiritual awakening and that is what guarantees you sobriety so long as you live by spiritual principles.
Best wishes

Lyn

I wanted to continue to drink for so many years - drinking was my answer - to everything. The "help" I needed was to make the consequences go away...but never the drink.

When I woke up to that fact I realised I was beyond help until I actually wanted to stop drinking and was willing to go to any lengths necessary to achieve that.

Yes, you will need help when you are ready to part for good and all from the alcohol. More than that, all the help in the world will do nothing for you until you are willing to help yourself by putting in the serious action required.

I found I couldn't say I had tried AA until I had done all 12 Steps - a lot of folk try a few meetings thinking that's all there is to it, but that is just the contact point.

You are correct - if you are a real alcoholic you ARE literally doomed if you continue to drink and things WILL get worse - we can't wish it away, that is the reality of alcoholism, and it is ugly.

Maybe you need what I needed for so long - a "rock bottom" as it is so often called. I prefer to call it a "moment of clarity" that brings into sharp focus that this really is a life or death deal as the illness progresses (and it certainly does). When this happens for you, the "adoration" will stop.

An experience like that usually ends the "head being buried in the sand" - or more aptly, another bottle, and the action to wellness can begin. The first step to that is understanding the true meaning over being powerless.

Good luck to you and I hope your moment of clarity comes sooner, rather than later.

When you say you need help what is it you are looking for? How could someone help you?

I can relate. It took me years before I was really ready to just surrender, and to let go of any doubt that I am alcoholic. I drank most my life. It was my answer and solution, not my problem. Until it became a problem, then an obsession, and I needed help to stop and stay stopped.
As for AA, works for me so far! Beautifully.
But if it's not for you, find another. Personally I think what is critical in early sobriety, at least it was/ is for me...is constant interaction with other alcoholics. That helps when all else had failed. .