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Acceptance vs Enabling

Taradactyl
Taradactyl
I'm sorry. I am grasping for straws here.

I am trying to understand my role in my marriage and I can't seem to figure out how to accept my husband's behavior without enabling him.

My emotions are spinning out of control. I can't seem to get a grip. I don't know how to handle this without drinking.

I have been doing everything in the effort to be tolerant and accepting and patient. Now I think I am doing nothing more than enabling.

"This too shall pass" and then it will come back and then it will pass and then it will come back.... each time it gets a little bit bigger.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You guys have a clear understanding of "enabling?"


you say potato I say potatoe
okiyoe1
okiyoe1
The key is just to see it and not make it better , with practice a boundary is created for you with you....Enabling is un- loving in most context so is the pay -off you get from rescuing or enabling ....see it but don't react at least on the outside...co-dependency( neediness) and ( enmeshment) is the reaction ....read up on it....google it up
Billy
deleted_user
deleted_user
That is a tough situation. I had more than 20 years sober and still discovered in many ways I was still enabling my 30-something daughter to continue her drug and alcohol abuse. In my case I was conditioned as a child not to make waves, and I guess I thought that if I was too firm with her there would be conflict. However, for the benefit of both of us I quit supplying free room and board. I detatched with love. A year after I basically kicked her out of my house, she sobered up and has been clean and sober for 20 months or so and attending AA meetings regularly without any pushing from me.

If you are not already doing it, I would suggest you attend some Al-anon meetings and maybe talk specifically about some possibly enabling actions you are taking and see what the group thinks.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Check out some Ala-non meetings or CODA meetings - marriage counseling before you try to think too much into this. don't drink - it won't help anything -but I would bet to say you are enabling.

peace