Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
What does the third step mean to you?
"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives our to the care of God as we understand Him."
How do you know you are in God will and not your own?
How do you practice this step?
It often confuses me...
"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives our to the care of God as we understand Him."
How do you know you are in God will and not your own?
How do you practice this step?
It often confuses me...
There is a subgroup where we can discuss stuff like that a little more openly but it gets less traffic :)
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/alcoholicsanonymous
But seeing as you asked...
My understanding around this came in stages. At first it was real simple, an openness to ask questions and listen for the answers...sometimes with others and sometimes with a little voice inside me I chose to call God. I felt like a bit of a fruit loop at first talking to something or one I didn't think was there but it was a start :)
Plenty of guidance on this in the fellowship and the book...the beauty is ultimately you get to decide for yourself what it means to you...
P
It confuses me also, especially because so many times I thought I was doing the right thing, God's will, but then realized later that it couldn't have been his will.
But maybe it was because I have come to believe that nothing happens without a purpose. That somewhere in my weird thinking mind that it was all for a reason, if for no other reason than to learn or help someone else gain a little more knowledge So, I'm stumped.
I did not have a relationship with God yet at that point when I initially went through the a Steps but I was willing to and that was all that was required at that point.
Further along, from Step 5 onward, learning to rely on what God wanted me to do rather than fulfilling my own self-centred desires was my chosen path forward. To grow from selfishness to selflessness and live by spiritual principles.
If what I was about to do was in conflict with what felt right or wrong in my conscience, or liable to cause harm or hurt to others, I knew instinctively that was not God's will for me. This intuition was to be honed by self-examination, prayer and meditation (Steps 10 and 11) on a daily basis.
There is often a great deal of confusion about Step 3 and some of what is shared at meetings does not help, with many people missing the meaning of the step entirely.
First of all, you cannot practice Step 3 because the first three steps are only information steps. Step 1 looks at the problem; Step 2 offers a spiritual solution to the problem and Step 3 is about making a decision to take the action that is necessary in order to reach that spiritual goal. Many people think that Step 3 is asking them to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him but they tend to miss the all-important first words Made a DECISION.
Made a decision to do what you may ask and what exactly is meant by our will and our lives? To put it simply, our will means all of the thoughts in a persons head and our lives means all of the things that are done through the day.
A decision is useless unless it is followed by action as the story of the betting man illustrates. This man got a red hot tip for a horse and this is what he did. He believed that the horse would win the race, much as an alcoholic believes that the steps will lead to recovery from alcoholism. Our friend then made a decision to place a bet on the horse, much as an alcoholic would make a decision in Step 3. The horse won the race and the gambler called to the bookmaker to collect his winnings but the bookie would not pay him. The guy failed to follow his decision with action; he did not place the bet but he still expected to collect his winnings. An alcoholic will often make a decision in Step 3 and like the betting man, will expect to experience the rewards. However, in both cases there will be no winnings unless the decision is followed by action. The gambler must actually place his bet with the bookmaker and the alcoholic must take action through Steps 4 to 9.
The required action may seem daunting to many and I often hear people say that they are stuck on a particular step. These people have not understood Step 3 and they are still trying to do Steps 4 to 9 by using their own will rather than asking for and accepting direction from God. They have failed to make use of the decision taken in Step 3. If you turn your thinking and your actions over to the care of God as you understand God, no step should be difficult.
Our will and our lives are God given and God does not want you to throw them back to Him. That is why they are returned to you in Step 10, to be used as God intended, but crucially, not until sanity has been restored (the obsession for alcohol has been removed). After Step 10 the Big Book (page 85) states: We can exercise our will power along this line all we want. It is the proper use of the will.
How do you know you are in God will and not your own? Again, the answer is to be found in Step 10. Read the Step 10 promises which only come about once you have completed Step 10 (not at Step 3), again on page 85:
That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in a fit spiritual condition.
Therefore, if we follow the suggested directions in the first nine steps to gain that spiritual awakening and keep in a fit spiritual condition by practicing Steps 10, 11 and 12, all sorts of things happen that will guide you to follow Gods will for you.
Step Two is the hope this Program will work for me as I see it working for other chronic alcoholics. I believe (hope) this thing will work for me too.
Step Three is simply a decision to learn to apply the clear-cut directions for recovery in our daily life. We are to begin this process at once following our decision.
If we carefully follow the directions to pg 88, we will have recovered and been given the power to help others. If we don't, the odds are very great we will drink again.
Contrary to the opinion of some, we do not have a spiritual awakening/experience as the result of making this decision. We must follow the directions from pg 64 thru pg 88.
For me, Step 3 was about the willingness to make a decision.. I hadn't done a bang up job running my own life. I had to practice, practice, practice turning my will and life over to a spiritual entity and suffering consequences until I could finally see the forest for the trees. I went in to AA to learn how to live outside the rooms. Outside the rooms is where my lessons happened and continue to this day.
If it comes easily, it's God's will.
If it's a struggle, it's my will.
That's been working for me for many years.
One more question though... I am struggling with a decision related to college... to take a year off before grad school or go straight through...
Do you think there is a God's will in these life decisions? How do we know the answer to the choses we have to make?
Someone said that if it seems easy... but some things in life are just not easy but must be faced and deal with....I might be over thinking again.
Thank you all for responding!
The temptation is always to wonder "whats Gods will for me?" Doea he want me to be with this person or that? Does he want me to go here or there? I think that leads to a lot of confusion and wishful thinking...sometimes we've already made that decision we just want somebody to ratify it ")
Much more useful for me to ask "what would he have me be?"
Education is a great thing though, I don't think God wants us to be stupid and miserable :)
P
As the Big Book says, but I'm paraphrasing here, through prayer and meditation we relax and take it easy, the answer will come if our own house is in order (fit spiritual condition).
What I also do is check my motives against my known character defects. I have a list of the main ones as a result of Steps 4 and 5 as a reminder and I've added more that I discovered over time.
That doesn't bring me down, it comforts me to know that I can happily avoid the behaviours that did not serve me or anyone else, that brought unhappiness and discontent.
If an opportunity arises for me to be a more helpful and useful human being in this world I usually take it and avoid procrastination (another of my defects of character!)
Pray for your right answer Ashley and remember God works through people too so confide in those who you trust, they may just help to bring a question or comment you had not considered yet.
One thing to bear in mind about the steps is that the benefits come mainly from practicing in Steps 10, 11 and 12 those things that you have learned in Steps 1 to 9.
A person who completes a college course will have worked hard, would possibly struggle at times and may be unsure about the future during those difficult times when they toil against the odds and try to understand difficult subjects. Those times of endless toil could in a way be compared to the journey through Steps 1 to 9. The rewards do not come from studying during the course but rather from the career that comes after graduation. Similarly, the rewards from the Steps come from practicing Steps 10, 11 and 12.
Putting the Steps into practice is a bit like learning to ride a bike and anyone who has mastered the bicycle will recall falling off many times before cycling became a natural exercise. When you practice the Steps, there will be a few falls along the way (by that, I do not mean drinking) but bit by bit the whole process becomes natural and much easier to do.
There are many benefits that come from practicing the steps and some of these are listed in the Big Book in the form of promises. Some of those promises refer to developing a sense of intuition or sixth sense. For example: We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
You are struggling with a decision relating to college and that is where intuitive thought can help you. The use of prayer and meditation is recommended as a means of finding out Gods will in these situations. Prayer is simply talking to God in whatever words that you prefer and meditation is quietening the mind so that you can get the answers.
For me it's a process.
On a specific instance where I need to make a decision ... If it's minor I check my motives, and pray for gods will, and then do what I believe is the next right thing.
On a major decision I talk to sober friends, my sponsor and pray. If an intuitive thought comes and it feels right I act. Of not, I just keep doing the next right stuff till clear intuition makes it's way to me.
If I react in a way that's in hindsight wrong I start over:-)
I understand about the 'further study' dilemma as I have that too. What sorted it out for me was speaking to people that had done the course I wanted to do and, surprisingly, my HP put them in my way and looking as to the benefits of doing the extra year....what springs to mind is 'I do the work, my HP does the worrying'.
Oh, and also, it has taken me a while to get used to study/assignments as a mature student and going away and 'unlearning' what I have done to come back and 're-learn' didnt seem that great...I knew if I went, chances are I would never come back.
I took action by applying for student finance (don't know if you get such things in US) and that came through too so.....
Once I did the work, the right decision came :)
Peace to you and great to see you are still sober and thinking all this stuff through.
Steps...1. I can't 2. He can. 3. So let him :)
I found that I could get finance to study so even at my age, I enrolled to study for a Bachelor's degree. It is harder than I ever thought it would be but what i am learning will enable me to be a better psychotherapist. I am in my final year and have my dissertation to write, as well as three other assignments! I have been so close to giving up, I have been on the phone crying hysterically because I cannot get my assignment in on time. I hadn't studied for a long time and it was so scary but I am so close to the end now and am looking forward to my graduation (assuming I pass all the work this year!
I guess I make my decisions based upon what is good for me, but to ensure that I will do no harm to anyone else. If my decision is going to affect the person i live with, we have a discussion and then make a decision.
Remember what you ask for in the Step Three prayer.