dreamingtree ...yea I agree with you
But my bf works with people who have addiction...so he knows all the tricks...
Also he knows all my manipulativ moves so all I'm left is tough love......
One thing I' strugle with is that I hate to talk on the phone...And I just find difficult to let stranger in my life....stranger who gonna know things about me ,thing that only my close friends know....So far I'm doiung great without AA or sponsor....But I dont go out that much so who knows when I get to be tempted....

Hahha, yeah, Euro, that lady was a trip! An acid trip! My Bad...

My husband has 16 years sober in AA, so for a time, I relied on him as a psuedo-sponsor. It didn't work because when he was trying to teach my stuff about AA, I didn't hear it coming from a sponsor with years of sobriety, I heard it coming from my husband telling me what to do, especially when he was calling me on my shit.

I had to find a "more objective" "unbiased" third party to sponsor me.

Dreaming, unfortunately you are right about some folks not understanding what it is to be a sponsor. My area of knowledge in being a recovered alcoholic is working the steps and living a sober life. In otherwords passing on the gifts I have been given in sobriety.
If you came to me with a brain tumor would I operate on you? The answer is of course no, so what then makes me think that I am qualified to be a physician, couples therapist or anything else. My point is that what I have for you, my protege' is my experience, strength and hope. Any thing else I would tell you to go see someone that is qualified in that field to help you.
I am very glad you were able to get through your 2 bad experiences with folks that thought they were doing the right thing and healthy enough to be able to look for a good sponsor. Unfortunately there are to many that this happens to and they end up going back out.
There is good sponsorship out there folks, please feel free to pm me and I will see if I can help you find someone if you are having trouble. God Bless

Thanks Truckn,

It took a long time to get up trust again to decide to look for another sponsor. What you are saying makes so much sense. You are sending a good message to me and everyone here. BTW, You sound like a very good sponsor. I'll never give up hope! I know I can't do this alone.

Scarletangel...Yea...Somethimes I just dont listen what my bf have to say ...Maybe in future I have great sponsor....:-)

Euro, yeah, my husband is a drug and alcohol counselor too. He has been clean for 17 years and he is great at what he does. However, we have different and separate programs of recovery. That's important because our recovery is at different stages and I would rather have a husband, not a counselor. We share our experiences of recovery all of the time but it's distinctly separate from our relationship as man & wife. And friends...:)

But what works for anyone is a good thing!

I went to AA for about 3 weeks, 2 times a week and wasn't offered a sponsor. I relapsed then for a few weeks.

I think a sponsor I could speak to 1 to 1 would have helped me more. I'm very shy and couldn't unburden myself in meetings.

I could give you lots of sob stories over my sponsor journey....it has taken determination, perserverance and lots of tears and frustration.

I had the ones that 'chased' me and I ran a mile.

I had the ones that did 'work in the field' so used that as an excuse and I had the others that just cant be bothered!

I too found it hard to get phone numbers and very few people offered seeming to think it was someone elses responsibility!

Help the newcomer? Yes, what help was there! I too felt I had to 'keep coming back' to be taken serious.

I would share in meetings my frustration and still no-one would offer assistance!

Many times I cried. Many times I felt lonely. Many times I felt like saying 'fudge it' but I knew I wanted this, I knew I wanted what I heard about in the meetings.

Now........here is the good bit....

Today I have a sponsor, I am working the steps and I am building a trustful relationship where I can be myself and be honest.

Is the relationship I now have worth all the shit and heartache? Yes. Am I sober? Yes.

So......please, persist. This journey is not easy but it is worth it :)

PS. And remember, we can all become sponsors when the time is right and stop other people feeling as we did :)

I think sponsorship is the heart of AA. Without it we would surely all die as we sink into individualism (actors trying to run the show) and start ignoring all the traditions.

I believe that ultimately a sponsor is there to hold you accountable to the steps and the traditions.

Yes we all phone up and whine to them with our problems, however I believe a skilful sponsor will point you in the right direction to solve your problems, which tend to be in our own heads and thinking most of the time anyway. They can help you see our own mistakes to take the sting out of resentments and push you towards making your amends, offering guidance on the way.

A sponsor with a solution can take your hand from the bottle to the necessary power to stay sober. They can show us what work needs to be done and talk straight and honestly to you. Very importantly they can show us when we are completely deluded. They can refer to their own sponsors for guidance when needed, who in turn can refer to their own, and that's how years and years of AA gets passed down.

They can pass on the traditions of AA along with its wonderful programme.

I believe they do it for spiritual growth and out of love for the fellow suffering man.

Newcomers and AA as a whole would be fucked without good sponsorship and our dues, fees and duty is to get ourselves into a position to help the next man so we can all grow together.

I attend a meeting every day at noon. When there is a newcomer they get alist of same sex names and numbers along with an area meeting schedule. As a moderately middle yeared person in recovery I have made it known I will sponsor. My only requirements is that the person want to stay sober bad enough that they ask. I also like to have a few conversations first to make sure that I feel qualified to help that person. I didn't have a hard core sponsor and would have rebeled against one. I am not a hard core person either. Therefore I send the really hard core cases to people I feel will do a better job. I introduce them and explain that they are seeking sponsorship and I feel they would be a better fit.

This of course is just me. I do these things based on my experience.
I also make my self available and talk with newcomers almost every day before and after the meeting pointing out my number and letting them know I'm available if they need help or have questions.

I am with you on this Truckinsober! Allowing people to languish in the rooms for 30 or 90 days could kill them. I make it clear that I am available to sponsor people, I don't EVER refuse to sponsor someone - if God sends 'em to me then I work with them.

A sponsor is simply someone who can take you through the 12 step programme as it is in the BIg Book.

JoJo don't worry - you aren't supposed to unburden yourself at meetings, this isn 't what they are for. If the ones you got to are like that maybe try some others if you can!

Some meetings here ask people who are available to sponsor to raise their hands so newcomers can see who they are.

I know that here in the UK it is really hard to find women sponsors and frankly I don't know where they all disappear to! But there are still those of us who take their sponsorship responsibilities seriously.

All I can say to those who are still looking - don't give up!

I agree, sometimes AA members seem to forget that we stay sober by helping others get sober. Ask most members of AA if they can say the "Responsibility statement" and most will say, Huh? It is printed on pratically ever piece of literature that is shipped from World Services. It is: "I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there. And for that, I am responsible." Here in central Ohio a few meeting use that as a close for their meeting, rather than using a prayer. The statement is "Conference Approved."

Bill W., several times in the book Alcoholics Anonymous, tells us not to try to work with anyone who does not want AA. My experience is that I have the best success with those who both need and want it.

At many meetings, if a newcomer is there, and the newcomer does not already have a big book, all members of AA who are the same sex who are willing to help the newcomer, write their name and phone number on the front blank pages, and it is given to the newcomer.

At many meetings, as part of the opening by the chairperson, a question is asked: "If there is anyone here willing to sponsor newcomers, please raise you hands." Someone looking for a sponsor can approach one of those who has held up their hand.

I had trouble at first finding a sponsor, had a few temp quides at my home group, and had an 'aa buddie', and we helped each other get to AA. I put off finding a sponsor initially. Didn't want to spill the beans, visit all my deep dark secrets. When I stopped denying myself the growth, I came to see that their were possibilities around me. The person who eventually 'took me on' was a male. Air Force Officer and 8 years young (I lucked in). I felt a connection with him. I had no problem spilling the beans to a male (spent 20yrs in Navy). He was so steadfast and kept it at a very professional level but still showed personal caring. I was so willing to do whatever it was to stay sober. I was very fortunate to have him come into my life. Coogee xxx