No one likes to face the truth. I was the most stubborn, it's everyone else's fault, You didn't have my childhood, but you upset me excuse person there is. I am an alcoholic, but once I stopped and sobered, and the more I stay off the drink, the more responsible I am for my actions. I am completely different as far as the drama has stopped, I am in control now of my emotions, thoughts and actions, and when shit happens I can take responsibilty and learn from it. I have never in my whole life felt so in control of my destination, and all I have done is accepted my weakness and embraced the tools whole heartedly I need to to keep sober.
Your denial is part of the disease and the longer you keep drinking, the further into denial you become.
AA taught me this and I hate to say, it is true. I have never felt so grown up and mature as what I have become in the past few months simply because I am no longer dependant on alcohol to get me through.
We all have an ego, we don't want to admit to weakness, but if you really do want to make changes, you might need to look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. I had to, I still do not admit it freely but man, my life is getting so much better for it.

Good post.
I was thinking about my day yesterday and realizing again how I'm at the root of most my own problems. Even the ones that started off with my fathers really horrible behaviour. I choose as an adult how I react. I can't change him, but I can change my reactions.
I was "defiant" in that I wouldnt ever see that. I'm starting to see it now.
The truth is indeed setting me free.

Yup!! I resemble these remarks but the beauty is at times I am very very aware of what occurs by holding on to it ,while remaining Sober . Not a pretty sight. Unless of course like me your only willing to get just enough Different to manage your reactions to life Sober:) I want more than that but..time is always a true picture of Growth for me anyway.
Billy

i face the day everyday....including the mirror.

the problem festers when everything is blamed on everything but self.

survival is a big word.......i find survival in the smiles of others that don't know my troubles. i still struggle, but i have found that listening to others "war stories" and not commenting somehow gives me balance.


we are all dependent on something.........i have accepted that fact and share what love i can give.