Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I never felt afraid of anything before. If something seemed scary, I just got up in it's face. I got pissed or drunk and that felt safe.
Now "pissed" is bad if I want to stay sober.
This "surrender" has me feeling vulnerable and afraid of everything. I don't think I understood until now what faith and courage meant.
It is terror at times, usually overdramatic if not completely irrational, like I am in danger. Other times it is just self centered and stupid, like if you ask for a bite of my sandwich there might not be enough for me. Or what if I made the wrong decision and "fuckit" is not an option anymore? Or what if how I do the laundry is wrong so I better not offer to do yours. Or what if volunteer my help and you ask for it later. If I give you something will you think you are entitled? What if you don't like me - there's a new one for me.
What is all this crap and why can I not sleep? I feel like all my defects are surfacing. I feel scared and guarded... My space, my time, my things. Don't touch.
I am feeling handicapped by fear lately.
Just a rambling insomniac tonight. Hope no one bumps this after 8 am tomorrow... I don't want any distractions as I try to pull up my big girl pants before work.
Now "pissed" is bad if I want to stay sober.
This "surrender" has me feeling vulnerable and afraid of everything. I don't think I understood until now what faith and courage meant.
It is terror at times, usually overdramatic if not completely irrational, like I am in danger. Other times it is just self centered and stupid, like if you ask for a bite of my sandwich there might not be enough for me. Or what if I made the wrong decision and "fuckit" is not an option anymore? Or what if how I do the laundry is wrong so I better not offer to do yours. Or what if volunteer my help and you ask for it later. If I give you something will you think you are entitled? What if you don't like me - there's a new one for me.
What is all this crap and why can I not sleep? I feel like all my defects are surfacing. I feel scared and guarded... My space, my time, my things. Don't touch.
I am feeling handicapped by fear lately.
Just a rambling insomniac tonight. Hope no one bumps this after 8 am tomorrow... I don't want any distractions as I try to pull up my big girl pants before work.
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Can you identify these rom-coms from just a screenshot from the middle of the films? This is a multiple choice quiz so even if you're not entirely sure you can always take a guess and at least have a 25% chance of getting it right anyway, so why not have a go?! https://www.buzzfeed.com/alysaurus688/rom-com-screenshot-trivia-quiz
I am "olive" and I am scared. Was trying to find a quote about embracing fear and instead learned that cockroaches can live a week without their head... They die after a week for lack of water. And they have white blood. And female roaches don't need males to reproduce - they just have female baby cockroaches.
I won't drink over cockroaches, not even the bloodsucking ones.
And thanks D. I knew I could count on you to lift me up when I am down... ;) Did you catch the part about the female cockroaches? JK, that is definitely going to piss someone off...
I keep hearing the song "The World is a Vampire" playing over and over in my head... And they are bloodsucking too, whadya know.
I need to go write a gratitude list.
I feel like a total selfish fearful asshole. I swear this feeling is really pretty new to me in sobriety. All my guilt was irrational while I was drinking... I thought so anyway. It's like all of a sudden I am creating crap for my steps 4, 7, and 9. In my stupor I guess I didn't realize how much of a jerk I could be.
Turn your back on the fear and draw on the POWER promised. it doesn't have to be "GOD". It can be as easy as drawing on the experience, strength and hope of the many that have gone through the same dark times as you have. Own their experience as yours. Make it real by putting it in to action.
Experience the experience.
No major decisions in my first year of sobriety.
I think my long sought humility has gone missing tonight.
Go with the flow Tara and discuss it all with your sponsor too. It'll fall into place if you keep the stream flowing. Love how you used the support group here. Guess we'll see D bmp this in the morning lol. I'm off to tend to a few cockroaches. Sydney beaches have a lot if them. Big bastards too and they don't die easily. Oh great, now I'm talking cockroaches here.
...I am getting a divorce. F!
I dumped him. I broke his heart. He is devastated. I feel friggin HORRIBLE and he is acting crazy and I am afraid. And I am so fucking pissed! After everything... And I feel like a bitch. I just couldn't be with him and stay sober... "keeping sober is the most important thing in my life."
I prayed to know God's will. This ride is starting to suck.
How is that for ego?
I stopped going to confession when I was like 15 because I was tired of lying?
How is that for denial?
I am pretty sure I am NOT becoming a total asshole in sobriety. I think maybe the blinders have been removed.
All those things would be popping around in my head as I tried to sleep or first thing in the morning as I awoke. I'm not immune to it now either. Getting divorced in late '09 did a number on my popcorn machine. I discovered it still works but it tends to burn.
In other words I don't think you're alone with dealing with fear or anxieties. Praying or calling someone and running those things by them or sharing at a meeting can take some of the power away from the negative mindscrewing we can be very good at, at least that's been my experience.
Jim
Has anyone seen the movie Avatar? Best facing fear scene in the history of... Cartoons anyway. It is a must see. That is how I understand "fear".
They used to tell us that the only time you got hurt was when you went in afraid.
Done.
Just having a moment tonight apparently.
Really done entertaining my own insanity. Gonna go pray for my husband and to know how the F I am supposed to handle this.
This is not life or death. It is a learning experience. All growth is preceded by pain. And it's good my defects are under a magnifier, right? Can't work on what you can't see.
Is it the trembling physique or the chilling spine
A presence somewhere near that you cannot define
The lip that wavers and tears that run down your face
A punish due, pain that is forthcoming for your disgrace
The prickles of hairs and the testicles roll tight
As the shadows draw near, clench the covers forthright
No one is going to save you, your body is theirs
Heart thumps hard and imagination in darkness declares
Keep running down the corridor that has no ending
Taken into a new void your reality now bending
A nightmare that cannot be broken, your mind cannot waken
Trapped inside as you glisten in sweat, your voice unspoken
Silenced whilst screaming desperate for your life
Prickles upon your skin, enveloped in your strife
Are the rats scratching at your feet as the insects crawl
Under your skin the cockroaches slither and the beasts doth maul
Rabid and diseased this disgust is touching you
No were to flee as the terror pushing itself through
Inside your soul the indescribable rises like slugs
Witness your presence your body parts in jugs
It will never end, your life eternal as is your suffering
A demon preys upon your spirit engorging and raping
An old man chuckles and licks your wounds
Burning in your wrists and the itching of your bounds
Fall from this building with nothing to grip
I thought you were pushed or did you perhaps slip
A descent seems endless as your screams unheard
Unrecognised when you land, shattered and disturbed
Your failing dear friend as the leeches suck you
A gathering demise and a death seems due
Watching face upwards as the guillotine drops
Your flesh dismembered, just food for my crops