I like that Olive "anger....don't light it, don't fuel it".

Ooooohhhhhh......but it's so tempting when it's not you that's angry eh? :)

Do I sound European by saying "eh?"? lol! Liked that didn't ya? haha!

The important thing for me is that to be free of anger I have to express it rather than push it down and pretend I dont have it.

If I try to deny it I cannot be free of it as it has no way to get out.

I have to find healthy ways to express it rather than unhealthy ways and the best way to do this is to not let it stay inside and build because then it is likely to burst out and be more difficult to let out in a healthy way.

Some people seem to come into recovery very outwardly angry and their challenges are to learn to let the anger out in a better way.

Some, like me, come in with anger so suppressed that we are suprised when people tell us we have it. It comes out in ways other than outward expressions of anger - depression, passive-aggressive behaviour etc - I have a list of many expressions of hidden anger.

My challenge has been to find my anger and to let it out so that I can be free - this is a work in progress.

Whether our challenge is to calm down our expressions of anger or, to find our anger and allow ourselves to express it, the end point seems to be the same. Not denying it or hiding it or allowing it to control us but expressing it in a healthy way so that we can really be free.

HC.... Canadians say "eh". Don't you remember the dorky dude in Ghostbusters?

Nicky... I understand what you're saying. For me... I get angry over everything it seems. In fact, right after I posted this, I started getting pissed about another post. My aim has to be to recognize in myself was is causing me to feel that way. ...Fear, pride, and the rush of adrenaline I get when battling another person. It just doesn't do me any good to raise up my sword and shield.

I try to step back from the situation and ask myself what I have to gain in allowing my blood to boil. It isn't about suppressing the anger - It is about responding in an emotionally appropriate manner, for me.

Sorry didnt mean to imply that you were suppressing your anger at all. Was just musing really.

I think that so many people believe that we must be free of anger means that we can never get angry and thats not what it means to me.

We definitely work on not getting angry so often but we do still get angry and its how we deal with it that counts.

Sorry again, didnt mean to imply anything about your post - was just trying to add to it really :-)

Innocent curiosity here...

Why should we ever get "angry"? Wouldn't it be better to aim for "free of anger"? What purpose does anger serve anyone?

I never did get any anger management therapy ;-).

Might be an injustice that we wouldnt get involved in correcting if it didn't make us angry. Might stop us from letting people walk all over us.

IMO, all our emotions have a purpose at an appropriate level and anger is often a prompt for action and change.

Nicky - I never sense anger from you or some of the other special old-timers on here. You have a "quiet" confidence and assertiveness. I respect that about you.

I can see where it might depend on the audience.

In my own experience... The best way to get me to listen is to whisper.

All I've ever accomplished with anger is intimidation and hurt.

Not saying you're wrong. I just feel differently. Thanks for sharing.

i have a lot of anger but to me it will help me grow...i have soo much to learn!

The key Anna is within reason. There is a purpose for all our emotions and I think that would be placing unreasonable expectations on self to think we would ever be free of anger. Ain't gonna happen.

It's tough to rile me up nowadays but I remember what a violent drunk I had become by the end of my drinking. I'm light years away from that dismal place. Thank God.

Admission... I am not equipped to handle my anger in a healthy way. I have to AIM for "free of anger". I just can't do it. It's something that I have struggled with my whole life.

I don't often see anger raised with a positive end result. Passion yes, assertiveness yes, authority yes, anger no. If someone gets angry with me, I will either fight back and end up pissed or I will turn and walk away. I guess I just haven't figured this one out yet.

I agree with that Anna. Anger is displayed in many forms however. It's how it manifests with us that takes time with practice and God's help to tone down and in many instances, remove. My experience anyway.

99% of my anger is fueled by one of two things:
By people doing something I disagree with. But then I am a opinionated drunk that believed that my way was the right way. I've since learned that my way is not the only way to do something. You want to do it different, go for it.
People taking pot shots at me. Thats where amother AA adage comes in. "Your opinion of me is none of my business. It will not change who I am." It ain't worth drinking over.
The steps were built for me use to learn emotional sobriety. So when anger rears it's head , I have to go back to the tools I learned to use when I first came in the rooms. Eliminate it.
Good topic...

anger is pure emotion and is fueled by reaction. it is all natural. a survival instinct.

i think the secret is to recognize anger....strap it to the wrist ....and have a face to face battle with it. there will be a victor. there is no 99%

I am one of those people that came into AA a very angry person. I didn't know that I was angry and when people told me I was the angriest person they had met, I was astonished and thought them to be crazy. It took a lot of hard work both on my step work and in therapy that I began to understand that I was indeed very angry - full of rage.

Anger is an important feeling because when used properly, it can protect us. It can be part of the fight or flight response.

I had to learn how to feel my anger, to allow it to surface so that I could heal.

The Big Book is right when it says that we must be free of anger but that is not saying that we don't get angry, what it says to me is that when we get it, we need to deal with it quickly.

The grouch (I call that sulking) and the brainstorm ( I call that rage) are not for us because in those conditions we are most vulnerable to hurting others or them hurting us. We may say or do something which we later have to make amends for.

At its best, anger drives change when we see injustice and wrongdoing, we can use it as an instrument for action and passion.

God gave us all of our instincts and feelings, they are gifts to us if we use them in accordance with their proper use!

one thing i've learned since getting sober is i cant change things or people i dont like.. but i've learned by changing the way i react to these things or situations or people.. i've changed its negative effects on me..and this little tea kettle is less likely to get steamed.