Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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Damn!

Taradactyl
Taradactyl
I feel utterly defeated at the moment. I feel like I am in a category so different than most people on here who are trying so hard to get and stay sober. I feel like I don't have anything to offer. Why am I even here trying to fit in?

So much fear I had on Tuesday that I was sure I was ready to end my drinking and go to whatever length to stay sober.

Now I want to drink. The fear has been replaced by defeat.

Husband just informed me that he will be leaving for a week, Dec 12-18. The only thought that comes into my head is that I will be able to drink without feeling guilty. I will be able to get trashed for an entire week and no one will have to see it.

I wonder who will be here to take the burning pizza out of the oven? Who will be here to drive me to get more booze or cigarettes at 3am so that I don't drive drunk? Who will be here to drag me inside after I pass out on the porch in freezing temperatures? Who will be here to wake me up for work? AND WHY DON'T I CARE THAT THE ANSWER IS NO ONE?

I feel so beat. All I want to do is cry. Fuck. All anyone will say is get off my pity pot, get off my ass, get a sponsor, work the program. go to mtgs. And you are all right. Damn! why can't I care?

Just another pathetic vent. I am trying. Going to mtgs every day. Trying to find a sponsor. I feel like I am running out of time. I WILL be on my knees before Dec 12. If there is a God, I will be praying for a miracle to get me through that week sober.
Compost
Compost
There are lots of caring folks out there, here at DS and at AA and elsewhere. They can only do so much. You have already decided "Whoa is me. I am an alcoholic. Nobody is jumping up and holding my hand to get me through this"

Do something ELSE other than drinking. Take some responsibility for your own life. Hey, we're all alcoholics here. Stop crying a river and get on with recovery.

It's up to you. Just you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Personally, your pretending to be happy was very easy to see through .. you are letting your emotions dictate your behavior.. I know you are in a funk but your negative thoughts are sabatoging any real efforts you are trying to make... You are giving up on yourself and your family... why? YOU CAN DO IT AND YOU KNOW YOU CAN.... stay in the moment....
deleted_user
deleted_user
hmmm. I think I posted something like this before...o ya

Today at my 7am meeting a gentleman shared that his son's 18 year old best friend was found yesterday morning in his bed. Dead of a heroin overdose.

This stuff is real. If your out there bitchin and moaning, pissin and whinin about your life, take action. Quit pissin around and take action. Nobody can or will do it for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Damn girl!!! You have nothing to offer!!!???For such an intelligent and insightful person sometimes you say some pretty dumb shit. (smile) You saved my hiney last night and talked me down from a pretty high ledge that i was ready to jump off of. you offered your experience with trying to get sober including your successes and failures. you gave of yourself--your time, your thoughts, your empathy--you helped me stay in the 24 hours i was in and helped me crossover into a new day--it might not be good enough for you but it freed me from my bondage long enough to get a day under my belt which, to me, is priceless. people have always told me that nothing ood ever comes easy, and it wasn't easy to pick p the phone and talk to a virtual stranger--but it was good and it helped me. You're not a moron, you're an alcoholic whose disease is crawling in your ear telling you all this negative shit because it knows that you're trying to free youself from it!!! This disease wants to kill us and it doesn't have to be that way. Fight!! Fight for your life!!!
AnneL
AnneL
I have read the posts and have one thing to offer: why not take the week your husband is away and go 7 days into a retreat/rehab? It can't hurt. Blessings and deep peace to you always
deleted_user
deleted_user
Anna,

You told me once when we were "chatting" that you were unique. I'm not angry at you as you imply. If I was, that would be my problem, NOT yours! You're a good person. I have been giving you glimpses of what is in my rearview mirror. That's all anyone can do. The sober alcoholics on this post understand you all too well. We all have been where you are at. None of us are "better" than you but we can only make suggestions.

I really hope you change your mind about that drink. But if you don't, I pray you make it back. You deserve much more than the self fulfilling prophecy of your reply.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Anna-I understand you being pissed off that no one jumped at the opportunity to sponsor you, that's sure to be an ego blow but get over it and ask someone face to face. Throwing it out there in a meeting and waiting for people to come to you shows a lack of action on your part, it's not their responsibility, it's yours.

I agree 100% with asking the woman who frightens you the most, walk right up and ask. YOU have to do it, you can't sit on your ass and wait on someone to come to you and say "oh honey baby darlin, I'm so sorry you're hurtin, here, let me fix you" cause that aint gonna happen.

You have to show that you're serious about it and take the initiative.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Maybe you should pony up and have that drink...Get good and miserable, go finish the job. Why wait? Lord.

Then, when you are really finished drinking, go to a meeting and grab a responsible sponsor and try working the program. However, only do this when you are done drinking and want to have a crazy good life.

The end.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Your saying IF there is a God - which shows you may not truly have faith. God owes you no miracles. It's not God that can keep you from drinking, only yourself can keep you from drinking. God is there to forgive you of your sins, to let you know there is heaven waiting for you in the end if you are a true believe and miracles happen for blind, the crippled, the cancer ridden children, etc. God doens't miracoulsy make an alkie stop drinking. God is there for spiritual guideance when you decide to take control of yoru life, mortal and spiritual -

Sounds like you've been staying sober for all the wrong reasons - being caught as you put it -

Stay sober cuz you want to be sober and change your life - make a list of what is so pitiful in your life that you have to drink it away and make list of everything that you should be grateful for - you'd be surprised at the list - if you truly know that you are grateful for everything in your life down to your eyebrows and fingernails.

Here's your big kick in the butt!!! ka Pow- now get it together, don't think negatively - that's the devils prime playground!

The thought is typical - of a newly sober alkie - it taking or not taking on that thought is what is important. Don't you want to be proud of yourself inknowing you didin't act on the thought.

Big hugs and peace to you!