Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I feel utterly defeated at the moment. I feel like I am in a category so different than most people on here who are trying so hard to get and stay sober. I feel like I don't have anything to offer. Why am I even here trying to fit in?
So much fear I had on Tuesday that I was sure I was ready to end my drinking and go to whatever length to stay sober.
Now I want to drink. The fear has been replaced by defeat.
Husband just informed me that he will be leaving for a week, Dec 12-18. The only thought that comes into my head is that I will be able to drink without feeling guilty. I will be able to get trashed for an entire week and no one will have to see it.
I wonder who will be here to take the burning pizza out of the oven? Who will be here to drive me to get more booze or cigarettes at 3am so that I don't drive drunk? Who will be here to drag me inside after I pass out on the porch in freezing temperatures? Who will be here to wake me up for work? AND WHY DON'T I CARE THAT THE ANSWER IS NO ONE?
I feel so beat. All I want to do is cry. Fuck. All anyone will say is get off my pity pot, get off my ass, get a sponsor, work the program. go to mtgs. And you are all right. Damn! why can't I care?
Just another pathetic vent. I am trying. Going to mtgs every day. Trying to find a sponsor. I feel like I am running out of time. I WILL be on my knees before Dec 12. If there is a God, I will be praying for a miracle to get me through that week sober.
So much fear I had on Tuesday that I was sure I was ready to end my drinking and go to whatever length to stay sober.
Now I want to drink. The fear has been replaced by defeat.
Husband just informed me that he will be leaving for a week, Dec 12-18. The only thought that comes into my head is that I will be able to drink without feeling guilty. I will be able to get trashed for an entire week and no one will have to see it.
I wonder who will be here to take the burning pizza out of the oven? Who will be here to drive me to get more booze or cigarettes at 3am so that I don't drive drunk? Who will be here to drag me inside after I pass out on the porch in freezing temperatures? Who will be here to wake me up for work? AND WHY DON'T I CARE THAT THE ANSWER IS NO ONE?
I feel so beat. All I want to do is cry. Fuck. All anyone will say is get off my pity pot, get off my ass, get a sponsor, work the program. go to mtgs. And you are all right. Damn! why can't I care?
Just another pathetic vent. I am trying. Going to mtgs every day. Trying to find a sponsor. I feel like I am running out of time. I WILL be on my knees before Dec 12. If there is a God, I will be praying for a miracle to get me through that week sober.
You don't know whether you'll live through another binge, so how the FUCK can you even crave it? Quit being so negative and do something positive for you recovery. It won't fix itself. Pray, meditate, ask for God's help. Use all those freaking phone numbers you've been given.
None of it matters until you truly surrender and ask God to take away your urge to drink. ASK, DAMMIT!
Y'all can let this die. I don't need attention or sympathy. I wish I hadn't posted it. I just felt a little shocked at my thought response to my husband saying he'd be gone for a week.
Do you WANT this more than NEED it. Then its time to take action and do something. Fit in, what to you mean by that? We all have been where your @. There is a solution to your problem & your not alone BUT you need to take action & like you said its time to get off the pity pot. Are you wiling to go to any lengths?
Anna, you have the courage inside you. Draw on that courage to confront your fears, do the work required and take responsibility for your life. It's time to look at things differently, be brave and do the legwork required. Faith and works go together, you can't have one without the other. Time to act.
I didn't understand this in the beginning so you may not either but it sure rings true..."THE WANT HAS TO BE MORE THAN THE NEED".
Being concerned about the pizza and all that is one thing, that's a need........but being absolutely 100% defeated and desiring sobriety above all else is the want. You want it? Sounds like you know what to do.....
We'll be here for ya while he's gone, unfortunately we can't keep you from drinkin but remember.....the time to get on here asking for help or to go to a meeting is BEFORE you get drunk. Keep that in mind.
As far as not having anything to offer, there's a time to take and a time to give, right now you should be selfish and take all you can in regards to sobriety. That should be #1 on your list. You can give later. :)
Love ya!
Anna, you'll get no sympathy from me. The same cycle is starting again with you. Up at 2AM? doing what? drinking hot cocoa?
I didn't realize it at the time but when I was beaten down sufficiently by alcohol, I became willing to do anything to not drink, even go to AA. I sat and listened. I didn't have anything to share but the problem. I stayed until I "fit in", because I damn sure knew I was in the right place.
Eventually, we alcoholic women manage to run off even the most patient, caring spouses. The sickest ones stay with us 'til the bitter end. I hope you find the "want to" soon before you lose everything important in your life..
Billy
It is amazing to me that the same people who will go to any lengths to get a drink will refuse to go to any lengths to get sober. A comedian once said, People will do anything to lose weight... EXCEPT diet and exercise." A very true statement. Do you see the truth in it?
My sobriety is my responsibility. No one else's. I can't do it alone though. When I do shit alone I fuck it up and I am really tired of fucking shit up. Aren't you? I do WHATEVER it takes to stay sober. When I feel horrible I pray and I read. If that doesn't work, I call my sponsor. Ups and downs are absolutely inevitable. Just part of the process. It's feeling what we used to drown out.
Keep going to meetings, find a sponsor who will kick your ass and work the steps with you. Life will change.
I laid it out at my noon mtg. I said I need help. I said if you're willing to sponsor someone, please let me know because I am desperate. No one said word fucking one. I know what I need to do and right now I choose to give up. Write me fuckin off. I am tired of saying I'm ok to avoid the pity party replies. I'm tired of pretending like I'm happy. I'm tired of feeling bad for saying the wrong things. I don't know wtf I'm doing or how to get off my ass and out of this funk. I don't think I'm unique. I just think some of us lose.
I used to suffer from that "I'll show you, I'll F##K me" crap too.
"I laid it out at the noon meeting...if you're willing to sponsor someone, please let me know"
Are you kidding me? They probably couldn't believe their ears. What was the plan? To set up interviews???? We all had to level our pride to ask someone to sponsor us. Sponsors didn't chase me around. There were plenty of other women dying from this disease that were willing to do what is necessary. I faced rejection also. I had no choice.
It took me 3 weeks to screw up the courage to ask this salty oldtimer to sponsor me because I "knew" she would reject me. She told me "it would be an honor".
For God's sake Anna, we are trying to break through the delusions with you. You're an angry person. Unfortunately, the person you're punishing the most is you. If you put the stick down, you have a chance to recover. Honest to God, if I know one thing today it is this: The only person out to get me is me!