Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I believe in God. My faith has never faltered through all of the messiness my life has seemed. At the worst points in my life, I could not pray because I didn't feel worthy. I could only "look" at God and rock myself to sleep. During better periods of my life, I have gone to church every Sunday. My prayer is always something along the lines of "Give me the strength to withstand and the wisdom to see beyond." I pray for inspiration, hope, and clarity. As a child, all I prayed for was that my parents died happy. My dad died a miserable death and was depressed and withdrawn to the end. He never stopped drinking. He was Franciscan monk prior to leaving the vocation to have a family and he never gave up his vows of poverty and never turned his back on God.
I have spent my life tempting fate. My subconscious aim is self destruction. I can't forgive myself for the life I have led and, therefore, cannot sincerely ask God for forgiveness. There have been moments where I was blessed with Grace, fleeting glimpses of surrender. During these times, I asked God for mercy. I asked God for help that he would release me from my addiction for a moment so that I could gather my strength and senses. I made promises. It was beautiful, a miracle! God took my cravings away for a day. Do you know what I did without the craving, without the urge? I deliberately forgot my plea and willfully chose to drink or get high anyway. Then I skipped mass that very Sunday. ...This miracle has been given to me on several occasions after which I never failed to deny it.
I am in a place now, I cannot ask forgiveness until I forgive myself. I cannot ask for miracles if I am going to subsequently ignore them. I have flipped God the bird so many times, how in hell can I continue to ask for His grace? Tell me this. I can't ask for help anymore. I used up those tokens a long time ago. Now it is up to me to do some work for myself, and in time, a long time, maybe I will feel worthy again.
I cannot pray for myself now. Even praying for those I love is difficult. I can only look at God and hope for undeserved mercy.
That was for you, ABeliever. What say you?
I have spent my life tempting fate. My subconscious aim is self destruction. I can't forgive myself for the life I have led and, therefore, cannot sincerely ask God for forgiveness. There have been moments where I was blessed with Grace, fleeting glimpses of surrender. During these times, I asked God for mercy. I asked God for help that he would release me from my addiction for a moment so that I could gather my strength and senses. I made promises. It was beautiful, a miracle! God took my cravings away for a day. Do you know what I did without the craving, without the urge? I deliberately forgot my plea and willfully chose to drink or get high anyway. Then I skipped mass that very Sunday. ...This miracle has been given to me on several occasions after which I never failed to deny it.
I am in a place now, I cannot ask forgiveness until I forgive myself. I cannot ask for miracles if I am going to subsequently ignore them. I have flipped God the bird so many times, how in hell can I continue to ask for His grace? Tell me this. I can't ask for help anymore. I used up those tokens a long time ago. Now it is up to me to do some work for myself, and in time, a long time, maybe I will feel worthy again.
I cannot pray for myself now. Even praying for those I love is difficult. I can only look at God and hope for undeserved mercy.
That was for you, ABeliever. What say you?
Everything that you said has happened to me. I never stopped believing, but I ignored God. I "flipped Him the bird" as you say, on numerous occasions after He took away my cravings- this is all painfully familiar.
The fact is God's grace is never ending. There are no tokens to use up. Jesus died for every one of your sins, and mine, and everyone else's. The whole point of the Bible, is to show us that we cant' do this alone- we can't do "life" on our own. We are meant to be children of God, and as we surrender to His will, our lives become full and things get better.
When your sins are forgiven, there are NO conditions, other than belief and surrender.. Just calmly, and humbly meet God where you are at this moment. And begin the journey. You won't be perfect,- you may even fall down a few more times. But rely on God to pick you up and your life will get better.
I honestly believe the 12 steps can go a long way in accomplishing this attitude. And that's from a guy who is not a 'formal" 12 stepper. Good post, and an honest question.
Through the sharing of others in AA, I was encouraged to seek a God of my understanding. I was so confused about what to do with allowing any power other than myself to be in charge. I even spoke to s priest overy struggles. I adopted HPs that would help me get
through the steps and just through each day.
Wasn't until many years later that I renewed my relationship with God. And since them life has taken another detour for the better. Anna there are times I too feel distant. God is there and waiting, and I have to consciously turn to him and pray. Sometimes just a reminder to do so. Reading your post here has reminded me. Anna God is with you everywhere, and you can draw on him at anytime.
Please don't get disheartened by some of the replies here. I've had some wonderful people placed in my path who have enouraged me to explore my faith further. I couldn't have found those people if I or they didn't share their experiences in spiritual growth and that journey for me has been amazing one of self discovery.
Don't you see that you are experiencing His mercy right now? You're sober, aren't you?
the greatest force of life is humility. don't get me wrong....Curtis is always open to a good game of chess...........keep a watchful eye....He cheats LOL
whispers
I myself have shook my little fist at God, stomped my foot, even denied His very existence...but until I began to recover from alcoholism, I never gave God a chance. I was too busy being mad that things didn't go my way, when I wanted, how I wanted...The world was such an ugly place--an ugly unfair place so how could there be this benevolent being that loved us all? I believe, as humans, it is in our nature to question the how and why of things...but I have come to accept that either God is everything or He is nothing--He either is or He isn't. My best thinking had me pissing my pants and crashing my car...what would it hurt to hang the smidgen of hope I had left on Him? Nothing I had done had worked.I started out by telling Him that I wasn't even sure if He even existed and asked Him to help me to know in my heart that He was...and He did...Then I asked Him to help me work on having a relationship with Him, for willingness...and He has. Being separated from God is a horrible feeling and it sounds like you would like to renew your relationship with Him. Not about church or the Bible--but you and Him, one on one. You could start by being honest and admitting how you're feeling to Him. Tell Him your human mind is having a hard time wrapping around the idea that He could be so forgiving and loving and that you need His help to accept that. Ask Him for the ability to be able to accept His love and grace--even though you don't believe you deserve it. In the meantime, take heart even Moses was once a basketcase.=)
Anna, I'm sorry for this. This thread was so from your heart, and I don't get why ppl would try to dis you like this.
Many have shared their hearts here with you, so I'll just leave it at that and say Ditto to the ones who cared enough to share in a decent respectful manner.
Love ya!