let things roll off your back like water off a ducks back....just let it be....let god take control of his visiting you and your family....but I would not have booze there for him and his safety....I assume since he went to rehab he might still be sober....?

There's a supportive group on here called Families and Friends of Addicts that can offer ideas as well. It's for parents of alcoholics also.

The Holidays can be stressful when in fact, we come together with the best intentions to celebrate the season with loved ones. Try leaving any judgement or thoughts of the past or current situation behind you and enjoy the moments you have together this Holiday Season. Your son will sort out his life, one way or another.

Spending time on what you could have or should have done as a parent is really irrelevant now. Enjoy the present moment and celebrate being together, flaws and all.

Wishing you the best!

Hello Mombrokenheart,

The most important thing for you to remember is that you cannot control how any situation will turn out. Do your best and leave the rest in the lap of the gods.

It looks like your son has issues to address and until he does that he is likely to be angry and resentful and may even return to drinking. None of this is your fault and it has nothing to do with being controlling when he was growing up. An alcoholic will often get someone else to blame and in this case you are a convenient scapegoat.

Hope for the best and maybe it will turn out that way. However, if things do not go smoothly try not to react negatively. You could look on your son as a spiritually sick person and try to treat him with kindness even if he is nasty to you or to other people. Remember also that Christmas Eve is only a short time and it will pass. This is your time too so sit back when the work is done, relax and let the madness pass by if it comes your way.

A Happy Christmas to you and yours.

Were you? just take a step back , don't be too involved and let things be. My mom was the sweetest woman but she harbored me from the world and ultimately fueled my disease. She thought she was helping her baby but really it was actually doing more harm than good.
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Thank you everyone! I just love this site and all the support. I will try to show him more kindness as I know spiritually he is struggling(makes me vary sad) and I will let things just be as they are. Easier said than done. but I am working hard on it.
I hope everyone has a blessed Christmas.

I know parents who appeared to do everything right but still ended up having their kids go off in another direction. I have also seen a former co-workers child blossom into a fine young person in college, and this in spite of her parent's alcoholism.
My mother was a bit on the controlling side during my teen years but bless her heart, being a single parent of 3 kids was no picnic either. She also set a good example for me as she never drank or used drugs in her life. I can't and won't fault her for any of my past failures. Thats for sure.
Bambuse made a good suggestion. I might consider it if I was in your situation. Enjoy your Christmas Eve together.

Happy Holidays! You have gotten wonderful tips. I have two grown sons and through the years, they have been finding their way - not my way or their father's! Both have turned out great - am sure they have their thoughts about me, but I try to be upbeat when I am with them. One lives in Texas and the other in Delaware so we see each other on occasions.

It is wonderful that your son is joining you for Christmas Eve. I think he wants to be with his family. Have fun. How about gathering photos of him, etc., from years ago. My sons tease me about the long tube socks I bought them!! It was what kids were wearing at the time!!!

Holiday's are hard in that they often involve time together as a family; expectations that they should be a certain way; and that's a recipe for stress. I used to just drink right through them. Sober they present new challenges.
As a sober alcoholic sobriety has to come first. My sister is an addict and she isnt welcome in my home as she's not clean. So that presents a challenge too. Anyway, I'd recommend ALANON. a bit last minute for this year but on a go forward basis its so helpful to hear how others focus on themselves, whether sober alcoholics or "normies" and love their alcoholic / addict sons, daughters, siblings, etc. without "control." Just know that he's not alcoholic because of your parenting. He's alcoholic because of the way he feels and what happens to him when he drinks. Period. We alcoholics come from terribly broken homes to wonderfully idealic homes. We still drank.

Let go of the guilt and focus in the moment:-)

Stay in the night and keep it as light as possible.

Don't look back at past angers or issues, and don't look to the future.

Stay in the present. Merry Christmas.